04/04/2008

Elizabeth Hurley Quits

Elisabeth Hurley who has quit actingElizabeth Hurley says she has quit acting.

Let's have a little show of hands from anyone who thought she was still acting...

None, good!

I'm not being harsh, but she's not been making films. How can you say you're stopping acting if you've not been acting?

That's like me saying I'm stopping smoking. I never started.

She said: "Filming is very hard with a child, and I found I wasn't able to be a good mum and do movies."

Well, she's quitting for valid reasons. Now, if we could just get Jim Carrey to become a mother...

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Breasts Too Large For Crime

breasts too large to enter a roomA bikini model in Japan has been cleared of property destruction after an appeal court heard that her large breasts meant she couldn't have committed the crime.

Of course her breasts meant she couldn't be a criminal. They also mean she can't open doors for herself, lift things, or cook. Or at least she's never needed to.

Serena Kozakura was convicted in 2007 of kicking a hole in a man's door and crawling inside, supposedly because she was angry that he was with another woman.

But, in her defence, her counsel asked the court to compare the size of the hole in the door with Kozakura's 110cm bust.

The jury spent three days considering the evidence.

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Amy Winehouse Has Manky Face

Amy Winehouse with impetigo on her manky faceAmy Winehouse has been forced to take time off work after she was diagnosed with impetigo.

Oh no, that's means you can't kiss her. Shame!

Worryingly the treatment for impetigo is a course of antibiotics, and if you're taking antibiotics you can't drink. Amy Winehouse can't drink!

The bars in Camden will go out of business.

Impetigo isn't quite as cool as her drug and drink problem. So I don't think we can expect a song saying...

"They tried to make me go to Lloyd's The Pharmacist, I said, 'mmer, meer, mrr'!"

She was trying to say "No, no, no," but with all that impetigo it's a bit mumbled.

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