27/07/2011

Giggs Front Page News Again

It's been a while since we heard about Ryan Giggs, so I thought that meant we'd heard all the news. Surely there couldn't be anything else about him. Well, nothing that's worthy of a front page, right?

Well, I was wrong as the Daily Star goes with: "GIGGS KINKY FROLIC WITH BELLY DANCE BABE".

This is clearly big news and deserves such attention because, let's be honest, it's not like there's famine, war or stories about big rich nations who are about to run out of money, so they have to print something.

But then I start to notice the holes in the story. Firstly, they're not belly dancers, they're burlesque dancers, but I realise that word wouldn't fit. They used to say, "never let the facts get in the way of a good story," now it's, "never let the facts get in the way of an OK headline".

And then I read the story which said: "Team-mates Wayne Rooney and Rio Ferdinand joined in the fun."

Well, that clearly means it wasn't anything too rude. They were probably just watching some professional burlesque dancers doing their job. It obviously wasn't some sort of 5-in-a-bed with those guys. None of them know how to pass. They're all such glory-hunters they'd all be trying to shoot as soon as they got near the box.

One onlooker said the players were "mesmerised" by the sizzling girls.

Well, I've never seen any burlesque but I have been in an Indian restaurant when they have brought out the food, and if someone ordered the sizzling platter it gets everyone's attention. So it's hardly a surprise.

We could rewrite this story as:

  • GIGGS WATCHES
    PEOPLE
    DO
    THEIR
    JOB WITH
    FRIENDS


  • Basically, what I'm saying is that was a totally pointless front page. What a waste of newspaper space. The only thing worse than a newspaper printing such a nothing story is someone who wastes space on a website talking about th.... oooh dear.
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