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They say that a dog is man's best friend. I've never been too sure about that. If I had a friend who expected me to pick up his turds with a small plastic bag, I'd unfriend him on Facebook. And if I had a friend who sniffed my gusset when I sat on a sofa, I don't think he'd get bumped up to BBF.
Dogs are just pretending to be friendly with humans, like some of that bacteria.
And I think I have found the evidence to back me up. In America, a man was shot by his dog.
I'm shocked. How did the dog pass the checks and 5-day waiting period to get a gun?
Here's what happened. The 46-year-old man was hunting in his boat with his dog. He stepped out of the boat to move duck decoys in the marsh and left his 12-gauge shotgun lying across the bow. The dog got all excited and jumped on the firearm. And to make it worse, the man was shot in the bottom. The dog accidentally shot him in the arse.
Oh come off it. That was no accident. After years of taking orders from the human, the dog snapped. As he shot the man in the bum he was thinking, "Let's see you SIT!"
Medical crews later removed 27 birdshot pellets from his buttocks.
They pulled something out of his bum and put it in a small plastic container. I bet they're best friends now.