18/02/2012

Adele's Sex Tape

Adele's sex tapeOn the Star we read, "Adele: My Sex Tape Horror".

I know it's not but I like to imagine 'sex tape' is like 'tit tape' just for lower down. In case anyone ever invents the flowing, loose mini skirt, sex tape could hold it all in place.

Throughout the years many celebs have had sex tapes. Pamela Anderson, Paris Hilton, Ann Widdecombe. OK, that last one was actually CGI. I had some time on my hands.

Now Adele is to sue a French magazine after it published fake photos it claimed came from her sex tape.

It's obviously not real. She's just had throat surgery, remember. She was told to rest it. I'm sure that doing that counts as taking solids.

The magazine claimed the stills came from footage taken on a smartphone. That's the trouble with sex tapes these days, they're just done on phones. At least Pamela used a camcorder. And Paris had a night-vision for some reason. It was like a security tape of a fox going through the bins.

Adele's lawyers have said: "Our client has not appeared in a sex tape as claimed in the article. Our client does not appear in the photographs."

I totally believe her, because look at the options. Maybe she filmed the sex tape. But we should remember, she went to the Brit School in Croydon. She was taught about multimedia things. I'm sure she'd use a mini DV camera and edit it on a Mac.

Or it was her bloke's sex tape and she didn't realise he was filming it. That makes sense if it's a hidden camera, but it was filmed on a phone. If someone gets their smartphone out during sex you'd at least think, "This is an odd time to be tweeting. What's he writing? 'I'm rolling in her deep. LOL'?"

The more likely option is that it's not her on the tape. But this whole thing can't be nice for Adele. Remember, her entire career so far has been based on a failed relationship and about how she can't find a man. And then she finds out that someone who looks just like her managed to get some sex, and there's video evidence of it. Basically, what that's telling Adele is, it must be your personality love.

Don't worry Adele, we know it's not you in the sex tape, but it is "Someone Like You", which seems ironic.

>Read the source story
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