28/04/2012

Food Bank Use On The Up

Food BankHere's a depressing story. About 6,000 people in Scotland used food banks last year. The popularity of food banks really worries me. On one level it's a sign that our society is suffering and this recession is having a terrible cost.

But more worryingly, if the food banks become too successful they'll be bought out by big business. They'll get to the point where they are too big to fail. During the food boom years we won't notice but these food banks will be offering the people on the bread-line meals that they just can't afford. Caviar, lobster thermidor, anything from a motorway service station. It won't last though, and soon people will have over-reached.

If the food banks collapse people will starve, so the Government will have to step in and bail out the food banks, probably by lending them cups of sugar and such. There will be a push to change the rules so that food banks have to keep more food stored up ready for such crises. Tinned goods, mainly.

Tax payers' money will be spent on these food banks while the bosses award themselves big lunches.

The people who run these food banks will take risks with the food, like trying Jamie Oliver recipes, without being subject to the consequences if it fails. Why not? It happened with normal banks like that.

They can take what we have, do whatever they like with it and if it all goes wrong we are the ones who have to mop up their mess.

And that is also why I don't use sperm banks these days.

>Read the source story
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27/04/2012

The Right To Farewell Intercourse

We've all heard news stories about the crazy laws. Like the one where a pregnant woman can urinate in a police officer's helmet (so if you're being kettled on a protest, try to have a pregnant lady with you). Or the law that says it is permitted to kill a Scot if spotted in York after dark. That's why Gordon Brown only ever visited the north in the day, called locals "bigoted women" and left before dusk.

All of these laws are old ones but there's a new strange law that could be coming in. In Egypt, a law has been proposed allowing men to have sex with their dead wives. Why would you want that? Who'd want sex with their wife as she lies there cold and motionless, and doesn't show any signs of enjoying... oh, I get it. Just like old times, eh?

There are some terms and conditions. It has to be within 6 hours of her death, so you can't hold up the funeral while you have a last crack at it.

Surely, if you have just lost your loved one, the last thing on your mind should be getting in a final screw. But it could be the law of another country so I should pay it the basic respect of thinking through the morbid practicalities. What are the two main types of death? Slow illness-related ones or sudden accident ones.

If your missus is about to die from an illness you can probably plan to be together one final time as an act of love. So you don't need this 'Farewell Intercourse' law. If your wife died suddenly in an accident you wouldn't want to make love to her then. If you have to unzip a different bag to kiss her legs, you shouldn't be doing it.

The controversial notion that a man has the right to intercourse with his dead wife emerged in May 2011 when a Moroccan cleric, Zamzami Abdul Bari, claimed marital rights were still "valid even after death". He added: "A woman should be entitled to the same privilege with her dead husband." Finally a use for the stiffness.

It makes you grateful for our "till death do us part" section in the vows. Surely no right-minded country could pass such a law. If they do, watch out. Ladies, if you notice your hubby has been getting a bit frustrated and he's just bought two tickets to Egypt, check that they're both returns, OK?

>Read the source story
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25/04/2012

Me And Deborah Meaden On The Recession [Interview]

Mr Steve N Allen on the red carpetToday we got the news that the UK is back in recession. We have had two quarters of negative growth. I don't really understand all these terms. I needed a pen and paper to work out that two quarters are a half, and negative growth means shrinking. So we have had a shrunken half.

But today, I got to speak to someone who actually knows about the world of business. I was at the première of the new film African Cats, and on the red carpet was Deborah Meaden from Dragon's Den and I we got to speaking about the recession and, for some reason, drying yourself after a shower.

Have a listen to what happened.



(Reading this in the e-newsletter? Get the audio here.)


You can hear the rest of who I met on the red carpet when I'm on the Sunny and Shay Show on BBC London. I'll tweet details of when I'm on soon.
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24/04/2012

1 in 8 Women Attractive

Bad news for women. According to a new poll just one in eight women consider themselves attractive.

That's terrible. Just one in eight think they're attractive. Pressure that the media puts on women messes up their minds and gives them the wrong opinion of what is beautiful about them. Come on ladies, there's no way just one in eight women should think that. At least three out of eight of you are attractive.

I'm kidding, eight out of eight (give or take) are beautiful, but why is it so bad that only one in eight says they feel it? If someone asks you if you think you're attractive you'd say no. It's the only way to not come across as a right stuck up cow. Even faked modesty is better than no modesty.

The question isn't why do seven out of eight women say they're not attractive, the questions is who does this remaining woman think she is? The answer is probably Samantha Brick.

And it's hard to feel attractive because you know too much about yourself. You see others looking their best but you see yourself first thing in the morning when you've still got creases in your face from the pillow. I fell asleep on a corduroy cushion once and woke up thinking I had a disease.

The survey also found that one-in-four women were unable to remember when they last received a compliment that made them feel beautiful.

So, what have we learned from this? 75% of women get told they're beautiful but only 12.5% believe it.

Bad news for men: 62.5% of women don't listen to a word we say.

>Read the source story
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22/04/2012

New Burger Makes You Thin

Scientists now think that adding beetroot to your burger could stop you getting fat. I think I know how it works. Eating beetroot makes you poo turn red, and you lose weight because of the worry while you wait for the test results.

Apparently beetroot contains antioxidants which protect the body from absorbing "bad fats". These bad fats are known as trans fats or saturated fats. Or as they're called in Scotland, one of your 5-a-day.

Professor Garry Duthie of the University of Aberdeen is trying to find out if beetroot burgers will help to stop people getting fat. The study is part of a wider Scottish government-funded project to investigate the potential health benefits of Scottish produce.

And poor old Professor Duthie got the beetroot part of the research. Meanwhile some professor is investigating whisky and loving ever minute of it.

They're looking for volunteers to eat the turkey and beetroot burgers to test the theory. The university says they're looking for men between the ages of 21 and 60 who want to eat burgers.

Oh sorry, no. That wasn't taken from the press release. It was from Adele's Match.com profile.

>Read the source story
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21/04/2012

Church Backs Gay Marriage

Church Backs Gay MarriageOn the front page of The Times: "God's grace seen in gay marriage, say bishops".

Senior bishops and clergy called on the Church of England to "rejoice" at the prospect of gay marriage, rather than condemn it. And it's nice to see part of the church getting behind the idea. After all, it's more business coming their way.

I understand that not everyone in the church will get on board with this, but there are religious people who still insist there were no such things as dinosaurs. Haven't they seen Jurassic Park?

I don't know why anyone would mind the idea of gay marriage. All we have to do is slightly widen the definition of the word marriage, and job done. Why are people worried? Just because the word "marriage" could mean gay marriage too, it won't lead to admin errors where you'd get accidentally gay married by mistake.

MAN1: "So, you two finally tied the knot. Congratulations."
MAN2: "Well, funny story. We wanted a straight wedding but someone must've ticked the wrong box and we got a gay marriage. Tracy's furious. She's my husband now."

And if you don't agree with gay marriage, don't marry someone who's gay. We need to remember that, it's not a compulsory thing. If they were trying to bring in mandatory gay marriage, like National Service, I'd be there with protesters. If you received a letter to say it was your turn to get gay married, well, I'd be happy about the cake and gifts but less keen on the consummation. But it's not. It's an opt-in deal.

I don't want to get preachy but this is an important issue, because the standard level of tolerance doesn't apply here. A lot of people say, "I don't care what they get up to, as long as they don't try and shove it in your face." But we're talking about marriage. But it straight or gay, when someone has a marriage all they want to do is shove it in your face. "What's that, a 6-inch deep photo album of your relatives that even you don't really know that well? Oh, I'd love to sit through each and every one."

Maybe the message needs changing to "as long as what you want doesn't hurt or upset anyone else, good luck to you".

And that doesn't mean all marriage will be allowed. Straight ones, yes. Gay ones, yes. But Jordan getting married to another Z list celeb...

>Read the source story
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20/04/2012

Olympic Flame's Thames Trip Cancelled

Plans to carry the Olympic flame down the Thames on a replica of an ancient Greek warship have been scuppered by Games bosses on health and safety grounds.

To be fair we should be grateful the health and safety people haven't had a freak out about the flame. I half expected our flame bearers to carry a torch with an orange bit of cloth blown by a fan in the base.

The 70-ton wooden trireme was to be rowed from Tower Bridge to Stratford on July 27th. No wonder health and safety had a problem. If you row something down the Thames these days some idiot will go for a swim in front of you as a protest.

The official line from officials is that the plans have been scrapped as it might be "too attractive" to visitors. A leaked email from Locog said: "Clearly a vessel such as the trireme has the greatest potential to draw large crowds and it is a risk as are just not able to take at the time."

If you don't want large crowds of people don't hold an Olympics. They tend to make people gather. It's a war ship, designed to kill people, and the health and safety worry is about overcrowding.

But I like the fact that something doesn't get the go ahead because it is "too attractive". Finally, I know why my career isn't going that well.

>Read the source story
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19/04/2012

Kids Are Addicted To Porn

Kids Are Addicted To PornDaily Mail says: "Children Grow Up Addicted To Online Porn Sites".

But it also says, "Will you inherit your mother's body?" That's a mental image that can cure most of us of an urge to see porn.

A new report says four out of five 16-year-old boys and girls regularly access porn online. That's terrible. Disgusting! When I was that age I had to work hard to see some rude pictures.

The only porn we had access to was a magazine that some lad called Gary brought into school one day. In hindsight it must've been a very old mag because the "hairstyles" were dated.

But that wasn't useable access. The only naughty pictures I had access to back then were in the Argos catalogue shower section. Kids these days don't know they're born.

The report cites figures showing that more than a quarter of young patients being treated at a leading private clinic are receiving help for addiction to online pornography.

How do you get addicted to porn? Is it like drugs where you start off looking at boobies and before long you go down that slippery slope. The next thing you know you're mugging an old lady just to see some foo foo. (I don't mean hers, you sicko.)

One appalled MP revealed that her son had told her that swapping hardcore images on memory sticks between pupils at his school is "absolutely rife".

When I was at school we were swapping stickers for a football album. I really feel hard done by now.

There are fears that the rise of internet pornography is leaving teenagers unable to maintain normal relationships.

I don't know if it will affect their romantic relationships but it will mess up any encounter with the man who comes round to fix the air con.

>Read the source story
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17/04/2012

UK In Drought

UK In DroughtIn the UK we are now in the worst drought since 1976. How is this possible? We live in a country that is in drought yet we get rained on most days. It's the worst of both worlds. It's like being Ann Widdecombe AND having chlamydia.

More than half of Britain is now in drought, and it's the lower half. As a poor northerner it's quite pleasing to see it's just the rich south that has a hosepipe ban. "Oh dear, rich south, you can't use your hosepipes. What will you beat the help with now?"

Parts of the country are already drier than they were in the summer of 1976, when Britain experienced its worst drought for more than 100 years. I wasn't even born in 1976 so I don't know how dry it was in the late 70s but I hope the Queen appreciates that we're doing it again to celebrate her Diamond Jubilee. The Sex Pistols are re-releasing God Save the Queen, like they did in '77, so the drought will help to recreate the vibe.

The drought of 1976 led to standpipes being installed in residential streets, water supplies to businesses being rationed and schools having to close early.

I don't know why schools back then used so much water. I think it's because, in the 70s, computers in the IT department were steam-powered. Yeah, that makes sense.

Caroline Spelman, the Environment Secretary, is urging households to cut back on the amount of water they use, saying: "As more areas of the UK move into drought it is vital that we use less water to protect the public's water supply in the driest areas of the country."

I'm doing my part. I'm still taking long showers, still washing the car and still flushing the toilet be it brown or yellow. But I am using less water. I'm having my gin neat.
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16/04/2012

Men With Guns Look Taller

How's this for some useful research? A study has found that when a man holds a gun he looks taller.

Excellent. And now all the short men will go out and buy a gun, and it's not like short men have anger issues or anything.

And how are we meant to use this info? Are young lads who don't quite qualify for the good rides at Alton Towers meant to pack some heat so they get to go on?

The people behind this study say it "probably occurs at a subconscious level". Probably? What else could it be? The only other explanation is that the guns actually look smaller in real life and it's perspective.

The research, funded by the U.S. Air Force, says the same effect may happen in chimpanzees. Are they saying that if you hold a gun a chimpanzee will think you're taller? How would they know what the chimpanzee thinks? They can't, which means, more worryingly, they're saying a chimp holding a gun looks taller to humans. They gave a gun to a chimp!

I'm amazed there wasn't a robbery at the local corner shop, you know how much they like PG Tips. And haven't the scientists seen Planet of the Apes? We're lucky they didn't bury the Statue of Libery.

It's worth remembering that holding a gun makes a primate look bigger. See this...



Looks like a chimp with a gun. Take the gun away, it's actually only a capuchin monkey.

>Read the source story
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15/04/2012

Genital Lightening Cream On Sale

Lighter vaginaFrom the Daily Mail: "A feminine hygiene product launched in India which promises to 'brighten' skin around the vagina is causing widespread controversy."

Firstly, "widespread" seems like an unkind word given the topic. And secondly, what?

The ad for Clean & Dry Intimate Wash shows a woman who uses the product to lighten her sexual organs to please her man. When I first read this I thought "lighten" was going to be like a smokers' toothpaste, just removing some of the stains that build up from every day use.

It turns out it's a skin lightening product and the ad is saying men prefer women with lighter foo-foos.

Surely that's not realistic. No man has ever spent an evening with a woman, chatting and flirting, and then finally got her into bed and said, "Hang on! That clump looks a little dark. I'm out of here."

And no man has ever thought, "It's not really working out between me and my new girlfriend. We don't have anything in common, she has habits that annoy me... but, manalive! That bifta is so light. It's like she sat on Tippex! I'll marry her!"

The advertising strapline for the product is: 'Life for women will now be fresher, cleaner and more importantly fairer and more intimate.'

Fairer? Yep, because with a bleached clunge you will no longer get paid on average 16% less for the same job. Actually, maybe I misunderstood that part of the ad.

It's just another case of a company trying instil some paranoia about our bodies to make money from us. It is a situation where some honesty is going to help. It doesn't matter what shade they are, they're never going to look that nice. You wouldn't have one on display in your house, unless it was in the kitchen and it was a tea towel holder. But that's not to say your partner won't be happy when he or she sees it. No one needs to have a lighter vagina.

I mean lighter as in shade. In term of mass... I met someone once who... well, that's a story for another time.

>Read the source story

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12/04/2012

Olympic Torch Past Tests

Olympic TorchThe Olympic Touch has passed rigorous tests to ensure the worst of Britain's weather will not be able to put it out.

They didn't need all this, they should just make the torch out of whatever they make those novelty birthday candles from. If it gets blown out, a few seconds later... poof! It's back on.

Two prototypes withstood 50mph winds, extreme temperate and driving rain.

I can understand the trouble with high winds and rain, but surely a flame is always subjected to extreme temperatures, or cooking times would be measured in years.

Harsh weather was simulated in a tunnel with a computer-controlled circulation system that allows experts to analyse the effects.

It's almost a shame we didn't have the Olympics last year. If the torch went out as it made it's way across London there were plenty of fires burning to relight in from.

>Read the source story
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11/04/2012

Physiotherapists Can't Touch Patients

Non-Touching PhysioPhysiotherapists are no longer allowed to touch patients, and instead they can give patients advice on what exercises they should be doing and information on how to manage their condition themselves.

What? What's the point in having physio if they don't touch you? That's like going to a masseuse and rubbing yourself while he sits there saying, "Try a little lower... and lower..."

It's in Nottingham where, to try to cut costs, patients who need physio will no longer receive hands-on treatment, but will be directed to websites where they can learn exercises for themselves.

They send you to a website? And what if you needed physio for RSI? Making you use a laptop will hardly help.

Phil Gray, chief executive of the Chartered Society of Physiotherapy, said: "They seem to have invented a new form of physiotherapy that no one has heard of - do-not-touch physiotherapy."

The only way that would work is if you were went to see Syler from Heroes.

Phil added: "It is deeply unscientific. There is no research or evidence to back up hands-off physiotherapy."

He's right. I don't want to say anything too nasty about trying to cure someone's physical ailments without touching because I don't want to upset any reiki practitioners, in case they get angry and "hadouken" me.

Phil also said: "It is a completely barmy form of treating people, which means that the only solution will be to go to the private sector and pay for themselves."

Ah, I see. It's yet another way of taking money out of the NHS and forcing people to go private. If you want to get someone to actually touch you, you will have to pay for it. And that is terrible. I get enough of that in my sex life.

>Read the source story
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10/04/2012

Man Shoots Nail Through His Heart

Nail in the heartThere's a story in the news of a man who accidentally shot a four-inch nail into his heart, and he survived.

Of all the weekends for this story to break. It's like one-upmanship on Jesus. "What's that, Jesus, you got nails through the palms, died and was resurrected three days later? Well, I got a nail in the heart and I didn't even take a day off."

Dennis Hennis (that's his real name, so a nail in the heart isn't his only issue) was trying to clear a jammed nail gun when he fired it into his chest, puncturing the right side of his heart. No newspapers have given him any credit though, he did unblock that nail gun.

He suffered a cardiac attest in the ambulance and the CPR pushed the nail further in. Ouch. Why didn't they use a defibrillator? They wouldn't even need the pads, just jump leads on the nail.

His surgeon, Dr Michael Rosenbloom said, "He's very lucky. I told him he should go play the lottery."

He's just had serious surgery and a near fatal cardiac episode and his doctor said he should give himself the chance of a really big shock. Charming.

>Read the source story
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08/04/2012

Home Office Website Hacked

The Home Office website was apparently targeted by the hackers. Computer hackers. It wasn't just some big rugby players dancing in front of you while you're trying to log on. This was a coordinated cyber attack.

The hacking group, called "Anonymous", is alleged to have disrupted access to the Home Office website, apparently in protest at government policies.

When it comes to web attacks that group is nasty. But when it comes to witty quotes they have done some great work.

It's strange to think that the Anonymous group do this. They started out as Alcoholics Anonymous and now they have stopped drinking they have a lot of spare time on their hands.

The website became inaccessible at about 21:00 BST on Saturday; a message blamed "high volume of traffic". Straight away we knew something was wrong because why would anyone go to that boring site, let alone a high volume of people. And at 21:00 Britain's Got Talent was on, no one in the UK was doing anything then.

Some news sources say the attack was a protest at the extradition of three UK citizens to the US. Recently we have been sending so many criminals to the US it's making Australia jealous.

And some news sources are saying the attack happened because of the Government plans for great surveillance of our web habits. They will be able to track everything you do on the web. I think that's great. It means at least one person will read this site.

We're already tracked on the web all the time. Every time you log into YouTube they make suggestions based on recent videos you've watched. I logged on recently and it suggested a video of a cat that had just had a bath. Anyone looking over my shoulder would've thought I like cute videos.

You don't want to know what keywords Google had noticed I search for.

There were also claims on Twitter that the 10 Downing Street website had been targeted as part of the same protest.

I won't tell you what I Googled to get to the 10 Downing Street site, but other results included "The world's tallest man named Richard".

>Read the source story
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07/04/2012

A Kidney For An iPad

Five people in China have been charged in the case of the 17-year-old who sold one of his kidneys on the black market so he could buy an iPad.

At the time we all thought he must be mad but now it's even worse. He only got the iPad 2. If he wants the new one he'll have to sell another kidney, which means he'll need a dialysis machine. Although I've heard there'll be an app for that soon.

The iPad 3 is even more expensive. That would cost him and arm and a leg. He'd probably pay it.

Prosecutors said the boy has suffered renal deficiency in the absence of the kidney, and his condition is deteriorating. As much as I think what he did was stupid, I'm not going to take the piss. Which is a shame as his one remaining kidney could probably do with the help.

Why did he think it was a good idea? Kidneys are great but technology goes out of date. I remember really wanting a Snes. And the ZX Spectrum. I was so desperate to get one of those but looking back I'm really glad I didn't sell off body parts for something with 128k of memory.

Among those charged was the surgeon who removed the kidney, the guy who arranged it, and probably the guy at PC World who accepted the kidney as payment.

So, the moral of the story is, if you can't afford an iPad don't sell one of your kidneys. Get an Android tablet and just sell some belly button fluff.

>Read the source story
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06/04/2012

Footballers Are Intelligent

Smart footballersSwedish researchers have concluded that professional footballers are considerably more intelligent than they are given credit for.

I suppose they would have to be. If they were actually less intelligent than they are given credit for their IQ would be a negative number.

Researchers at the Karolinska Institute In Stockholm analysed the cognitive performance of footballers in Sweden's top flight as well as a lower league and concluded that the players who scored most highly in the test tended to score the most goals.

If scoring goals is linked to intelligence then, firstly it's bad news for Peter Crouch, and secondly maybe that Prof. Stephen Hawkin isn't all he's cracked up to be.

The measure the scientists used was broader than IQ, taking into account the players' creativity, cognitive flexibility, working memory and processing speed.

It also means I'm taking my TV back. If footballers are actually clever the only explanation for the badly stung together answers they give in the post-match interviews must be dodgy wiring in my speakers.

This is shocking news. It's saying Ryan Giggs is smart. I thought the idea of having an affair with your own sister-in-law was a stupid move but maybe it shows a level of strategic planning I'm just too stupid to understand. I suppose, as long as he sticks to only using a title and surname in bed, when he shouts out "Ooooh, Mrs Giggs", he'll never get caught using the wrong name.

It's amazing to think that scoring goals means footballers are intelligent, but what does it mean about this...



>Read the source story
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04/04/2012

Podcast 31 - Tory Trouble, Tulisa's Sex Tape and Pandas

SomeNews podcast
It's the SomeNews Podcast, episode 31. It's a look at some news that's hit the headlines recently.

In this podcast:

The Conservatives have had a rough time of late. (Starts @00:58)
Tulisa's sex tape trouble. (Starts @06:38)
Some pandas might be breeding. (Starts @9:15)
A privatisation special feature. (Starts @12:12)




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In Defence Of Samantha Brick

Don't hate me because I am beautiful, and therefore you are not.Samantha Brick has been the talk of Twitter lately because of a bit she wrote in the Daily Mail. If you haven't read it, here is it. The headline was, "There are downsides to looking this pretty: Why women hate me for being beautiful". Since then the people of the Twittersphere have been saying nasty things about her.

Well, let me be the first one to stand up and defend Ms Brick. You don't know what it's like for people like Samantha and me. That's right, I too have suffered in silence. She says that being beautiful has cost her friends and stopped her getting promotions. I don't have any friends and my career is on its arse, so it can only mean one thing, I am also too beautiful.

She said she was on a flight and some well dressed man sent over a bottle of champagne. Well, I was on a flight once and the stewardess brought over an entire meal.

A nice surprise, right? Nope. It's a curse. I am so attractive that sometimes I have asked women out and they have just laughed in my face. Wow, jealous much?

Sometimes it is my own gender that is the worst culprit of this attractiveness hate-crime. In the past blokes at work have arranged a social night out and didn't invite me. OK, I know they'd be worried that when I'd turn up with my face all of the women in that bowling alley would ignore them and want some Stevie, but I'm not a monster, I'd leave some for them. They could pick up some spare. (Beautiful and I can do bowling jokes.)

They say beauty is only skin deep. It's a good job Sam and I have such thick skin then, because we need it with all we have to put up with.

I have tried my best to meet the world half way. I don't go to the gym and I often go out in a T-shirt that needed washing a few wears ago. I need glasses, carrying some spare fat and have developed some classic male pattern baldness and yet even with these measures still women nervously tell me to get lost.

I know this article may cause a backlash like Samantha got in the Daily Mail, but remember, don't hate me because I'm beautiful. Hate me because I'm deluded and I attribute the failings caused by my personality issues on the fact that I think I'm more attractive than everyone else. Yep, I am just like Samantha Brick.

>Read the source story
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03/04/2012

Beer Goggles Really Work

Beer GogglesScientists have found how beer goggles work. If you don't know what beer goggles are, it's the term used to describe how when you're drunk you find people attractive that you wouldn't find attractive in the sober light of day.

I thought it was like kebabs. When you're sober you wouldn't think of it as food, but when you're drunk you fancy it. Only when you're drunk will you find yourself munching on some greasy meat. See, it's the perfect analogy.

But science has proved my theory wrong. Beer goggles work because when you have had too much to drink your brain loses its ability to notice asymmetry. As you may know, symmetrical faces are considered to be more attractive.

They mean a vertical line of symmetry. If you have a horizontal plane of symmetry on your face you won't pull even after they have been drinking.

When you're drunk you can't spot the asymmetrical features of someone's face, you think they're attractive and you take them home. By the same logic you shouldn't choose wallpaper when drunk. You won't spot any nasty asymmetry and you'll wake up the next day wanting to know how you can get it out of your bedroom.

The effect is particularly pronounced in women, with female drinkers less able to distinguish between attractive and not so attractive men after just a couple of vodkas.

So the Phantom of the Opera just needed to hand out a few free drinks and it all could've gone way more smoothly.



>Read the source story
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01/04/2012

Take Your Dog To Work

Dog, dressed for workHere's some more useful advice to come from some research: "Taking dogs to work reduces employee stress".

Well that may be the case, but it might not be good for everyone. If you take your dog to work you might be more relaxed but the guy you're about to operate on won't be.

And if you work for the cat's protection league taking your dog to work could be stressful for all concerned.

The researchers suggested access to dogs boosted morale and reduced stress levels, whether people had access to their own pets or other people's. I'm not sure why you'd go to work and swap dogs like that. It's like swinging for pet owners. In fact, if you take it for a walk it's like dogging for dog owners, which seems more fitting.

The study was carried out by a team of researchers at Virginia Commonwealth University who looked at a manufacturing company where people are allowed to bring their pets to work.

Randolph Barker, lead study author and professor of management at the VCU School of Business, said dogs can make a positive difference in the workplace.

The survey said dogs are good and it was headed by a man called "Randy Barker"? Excellent. I hope film actor Roger Moore gets into market research.

>Read the source story
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