31/05/2012

Film Review: Prometheus

Warning: Contains scenes of mild spoilerness, but nothing you couldn't guess really.

** Get the latest from the Prometheus red carpet**

I was lucky enough to get to see the new film Prometheus on Wednesday, the first day that preview screenings were happening. That was actually a worry. It can often be the case that a film gets late previews when it's utter rubbish. That's to stop the bad word spreading before it can make its money back on its first weekend.

That wasn't what was going on here. The late previews, the sparse trailers, the extra featurettes that weren't in the film, were all parts of a lesson in film promotion. By the time I'd seen Charlize Theron doing a press-up in the TV trailer, I knew I wanted to see the film (as did loads of other people – Prometheus is set to break the record for highest IMAX pre-sales).

They say it's not really a prequel to Alien. Well, it is. They're saying it's not because they want people who haven't seen that sci-fi film from 1979 to still fancy seeing this new one. If you haven't seen Alien there are some scenes in Prometheus that you won't understand why everyone else in the cinema is saying, "OMG, that's the spaceship they find..."

The effects are amazing, and it's a film that's done on such a large scale it makes Alien look like it was filmed on a camera phone. This film has none of the claustrophobia of Alien. Agoraphobia is a bigger worry.

The performances are spot on, with Michael Fassbender freaking me the heck out. Noomi Rapace, giving it her Girl Who Kicked The Aliens Nest vibe, is great. And I'm glad to see that in the future the bandage bra and pants catch on. 5Th Element got it right.

It definitely is an Alien franchise film because it teaches us the same lessons. Big business is bad and will screw people over for its own selfishness. And you don't want to be a bloke in an Alien film, you don't stand a chance.

And there's another way that it fits in with Alien, its fear of technology. I know that in Aliens and Alien Resurrection the robots are the good guys (and indeed good girl in Resurrection, which helped her longevity) but they weren't Ridley Scott ones. If you only look at the Ridley ones you'd have to conclude he doesn't like tech. Did he have an iPhone that deleted all of his contacts once? That kind of thing can he hard to forgive.

It answers many questions that makes an old nerd like me very happy. If you're not the kind of person who loves their sci-fi you might find yourself wondering why you should care about some people trapped on a planet. But I enjoyed it. It was lovely to go to such a high profile screening. They make you hand in your phones, you know. They said it's to stop people filming it. I think it's so Ridley Scott can vent his techno-anger and take a whizz over them. I'm glad I had wet wipes.





You can hear me talking about Prometheus on The Sunny And Shay Show on BBC London 94.9 this Saturday between 8pm and 10pm.
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30/05/2012

1D's Louis Has Naked Man In His Room

Louis Has Naked Man In His RoomOne Direction star Louis Tomlinson was woken in a hotel room at 5am by a naked man trying to get in.

He did what he always does when that happens, he shouted: "This isn't your room Mr Walsh."

Worried Master Tomlinson peered through his door's spy-hole after hearing a noise and was alarmed to see a naked man in the corridor. I bet he thought, "I don't remember ordering that on room service." This was in Sweden, so there's a chance it was complimentary with the hotel.

Apparently it turned out to be a drunk member of the public looking for a toilet. I've had some upset stomachs in my time but I've never had to strip naked before looking for the loo.

And that's a bit harsh. Some drunk guy asks for directions to the shitter and they think he means Louis. He might not be the best member of the band but still.

A source said: "Louis heard the noise because he wasn't sleeping well with jet-lag and at first he thought it would be another fan who had sneaked past minders."

And yet we have never heard the stories of naked young girls who get into his room. I guess he doesn't bother calling security when that happens.

>Read the source story
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28/05/2012

Podcast 32 - Greece Leaving Euro, Sack Anyone and The Taxi Romp Lady

SomeNews podcast
It's the SomeNews Podcast, episode 32. It's a look at some news that's hit the headlines recently.

In this podcast:

Greece could be leaving the Euro (Starts @01:20)
UK business get rights to sack anyone (Starts @07:50)
Rebecca Blake jailed for having sex in Dubai (Starts @11:00)
A privatisation special feature. (Starts @12:12)




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23/05/2012

Man Takes Zebra To A Bar - No Joke

Man with zebra in truckI always love it when a news stories reminds me of an old joke, it saves me having to write any. Here's the story:

"An Iowa man who took his pet zebra to a bar was arrested for drunken driving."

His name was Jerald Reiter and he was arrested in the parking lot of the Dog House bar. That was his first mistake, he took a zebra to the Dog House bar. The clue was in the title. The Zebra House bar was probably just down the street.

So, what can we say about this story?


It wasn't the first time he was stopped with the zebra in his truck. The policeman pulled him over and said, "Where do you think you're going with that zebra?"

Jerald said, "I'm taking him to the Dog House bar."

The cop said, "You can't take a zebra out like that, it's a wild animal. You have to take him to the zoo. Understand?"

And Jerald said, "Yeah, I understand," and he drove off.

The next day the policeman pulls him over and there in the truck is his zebra. The policeman says, "Oi! I thought I told you to take that zebra to the zoo."

And Jerald says, "I did take him to the zoo. We had a great time. Today I'm taking him to the cinema."


When Jerald got the zebra to the Dog House bar he went in and said to the barman, "A pint for me and a pint for the zebra, please."

The barman said, "Are you sure? It's not used to drinking?"

"Ah, he'll be fine," said Jerald, and they downed their drinks. "Another round, barkeep!"

This went on all night, pint after pint, till the bar closed. The zebra stood up to leave, wobbled and collapsed on the floor. The barman shouted to Jerald, "Oi! You can't leave that lying there."

And Jerald said, "It's not a lion, it's a zebra!"


Yes, I know they were old rubbish jokes, and even Jerald would say they were bad. But the zebra wouldn't. He can't. He's a little horse.

>Read the source story
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19/05/2012

Man Holds Up A Shop With His Pants

A man wearing a pair of underpants on his head as a mask allegedly robbed an Idaho coffee shop.

I'd like to think he just go confused while getting dressed that morning. He had pants on his head but a Ronald Reagan mask in his pants.

Wearing your pants on your head can't be enjoyable. Normally robbers wear tights on their head, and who doesn't enjoy doing that? But I know what it's like as I wore my undies on my head as part of a fancy dress thing once. I went as a city banker. People would say, ""Why are you wearing those pants?" And I'd say, "It's because I'm an arse!"

Police in southwest Idaho say a man chose briefs over boxers to wear on his head as he held up a coffee shop and stole a safe.

Oh, so he was a cracker in the pants. It's making more sense now.

Coffee shop owner Jason Wilson said he believes the man was likely not prepared when he entered Big Star Coffee in Fruitland with an accomplice.

So... they weren't pants especially brought along. They were... being worn just before the robbery?!?

I don't know how much he got but he probably earned every penny of it.

>Read the source story
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18/05/2012

Back To Basics - Government Guide To Babies

No 10 guide to changing nappies and baby talkThe Telegraph says: "No 10 guide to changing nappies and baby talk". The news is that new parents will be given government advice on changing nappies, breastfeeding and "baby talk" under a multi-million pound initiative to support family life.

Why would you take Government advice on changing nappies? They can't even sort out their own shit.

And advice on baby talk? If I wanted to learn how to just make noise when I speak without actually saying anything at all I'd... oh yeah, I would ask a politician. I'll give them that one.

A £3.4million digital information service, which begins today, will provide free email alerts and text messages with NHS advice "on everything from teething to tantrums", Mr Cameron said.

Remember when people used to attack Labour for running a "nanny state"? Well, David Cameron is turning the state into an actual nanny. The next thing a civil servant will pop round to wet nurse.

David Cameron said it was "ludicrous" that parents received more training in how to drive a car than in how to raise children.
Although, to be fair, I'd rather someone's child walks into me than they drive their 4x4 at me. Maybe I'm just odd that way.

I actually hope this works though, and that new parents benefit from it, getting the help and reassurance they need. The Government is also launching separate pilot schemes that will offer couples with young children free parenting classes and subsidised relationship counselling to help cope with "tiredness" and "mess".

Hmm. Baby advice from the Government is one thing, but relationship advice? When a baby is born, often the father can feel like he is side-lined as all the focus is on the mum and he has little say in things. If they're making a booklet to help new dads I hope they get Nick Clegg to write it.

>Read the source story
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17/05/2012

Prince Philip's Red Dress Boob

I would get arrested if I unzipped that dress!Here's a question: What's Greek, in trouble and in the news? Nope, it's not their crappy economy. It's good old Prince Philip. He's done it again. He spotted a woman wearing a dress with a zip up the front and he said to a nearby policeman: "I would get arrested if I unzipped that dress!"

That's what I read in the newspaper. I didn't hear it on TV, but I'd like to think his inflection went up at the end of the sentence, so it was more of a question. "I would get arrested if I unzipped that dress?" It's better that he checked first instead of just doing it.

But let's be honest, no one got hurt by this, and no one could. He's 90. Like he could work any zip at his age.

Philip was on a Diamond Jubilee Tour walkabout with the Queen when he spotted council worker Hannah Jackson's bright red frock. When asked about the remark, she replied: "I'm not sure what to say." The council would not comment but a fellow worker said Hannah took the afternoon off.

She got an afternoon off! Can I get Phil to say something about my button-up jeans, cos I'd love some R&R?

We don't know that she was, but if Hannah was truly offended I hope she's OK and that it hasn't upset her too much. I hope she had a nice afternoon off. And I really pray to god that, as she went home, she didn't walk past any builders.

>Read the source story
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16/05/2012

I Can Spit You Thin

Obvious headline of the day: "Lizard Spit Shown To Reduce Food Cravings".

Yep. I'd go a step further actually. If any animal spits of your food I bet it puts you right off it. Finally, a cure to the obesity epidemic. All we need to do it get lizards to flob on fat people's dinners.

Thankfully, it's a new drug made from the saliva of the Gila monster lizard that has been tested. It was found to reduce cravings for food.

If that's the case, who don't all the Gila monster lizards die of starvation? Answer that, Darwin.

This is good news as the experts say most diets fail because of food cravings. They say I works because the drug affects the reward and motivation regions of the brain. Another hypothesis by the researchers is that the same drug could be used to reduce the craving for alcohol.

If this drug can stop people doing things because they're obsessed by the rewards, we should give it to city bankers. And then they won't cry when they don't get millions in bonuses.

>Read the source story
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There's A Party In My Pants, And The Queen Is Invited

To mark the Jubilee year Marks & Spencer are releasing vintage underwear.

I love it when this happens. I'm already ahead of the trend and fashion is now catching up with me. I have been wearing vintage underwear since... well, I bought it.

Their new lingerie line has been inspired by the 1950s — the decade when Her Majesty ascended the throne. According to Wikipedia, in the 1950s "the Cold War developed". So I'd imagine the underwear inspired by this era should be thermal.

I'm not sure if this is the best way to celebrate a Jubilee. I've been invited to a few street parties, and if I turn up wearing this I'm sure my neighbours won't think, "What a royalist this man must be."

In the old days this type of undergarment was available in just three sizes, — small, medium and large. Now more than 44 sizes are available.

It shows how ladies' fashion has come further than men's. We still buy our pants in small, medium and large. Although I'm trying to get those renamed, "tall, grande and venti" like in Starbucks.

Tall will make the small people feel better. Grande makes it sound like you're big in the pant region, and venti means 20. You can work out why that sounds good on your own.

>Read the source story
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15/05/2012

Mouth-To-Bum Resuscitation

This was a lovely little story in The Metro. It started: "A zoo keeper licked a Francois' leaf monkey's bottom for a full hour when he noticed it ate peanuts."

First off I thought, well, that's a strange punishment. How's the monkey meant to learn from that?

Apparently it saved the monkey's life. The 50-year-old man from China spotted the peanut shells on the ground and realised that the monkey could be about to die. So he started to lick its bottom.

I have to admit, I have been doing CPR wrong all my life.

He did it to make the monkey pass the peanuts more quickly. I am not going to dispute his theory, maybe it does work. But how do you discover that? The only way is that you were licking a monkey's bum one day and noticed it made the monkey do its toilet.

Either way, I have learned from this. The next time I'm on a plane, someone collapses with a potentially fatal peanut allergy, and the stewardess says, "Is there a doctor on board?" I'll have to say, "Forget the doctor. Does anyone know how to do a rusty trombone*?"

>Read the source story

* If you don't know what that is, don't Google it.
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No Euro Double-Dip

The Eurozone has escaped a double-dip. This is shocking. How come they're not in recession but we are? Add to that the fact that a dog is the most talented person in the UK right now, and this is a bad time to be a Brit.

New figures showed that GDP across the 17-member states was flat between January and March; the period that saw the UK having a 0.2% drop. And Chancellor George Osborne has blamed our weak economy on the chaos in the Eurozone.

So, Europe is so bad it causes our double-dip, but didn't cause itself a double dip. Or Osborne was just blaming the foreigners. I wonder which is more likely.

What could we have done differently to avoid the double-dip? Well, it was our fault for coming out of recession in the first place. If you stay in recession it's only ever one long dip. This could be why I am not an official Government adviser.

The only good news from this story is when the newspaper said: "France escaped a double-dip with flat growth."

"Flat growth"? I like that as a phrase. "No, dear. I don't have a small willy, it's just undergone flat growth." Although, to be fair, in that scenario, a double-dip sound more fun.

>Read the source story
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14/05/2012

BGT - In Defence Of Pudsey

Britain's Got TalentIt is official, the most talented person in the UK is not even a person. Pudsey the dog won Britain's Got Talent. Some people have mocked the outcome but I think it was great.

Finally, thanks to this TV show, we can put to rest the age old debate, "Which is better, dogs or cats?"

Have cats ever won a talent show? No. Their piano playing is popular on YouTube but this is prime time TV, darling. It's show biz.

I always knew dogs were better than cats. The evidence was there. Dogs have a sexual position named after them. Have you ever heard of doing it in the catty position? What would that be? A bit like missionary but the woman keeps talking about how bad the women she works with are?

Pudsey danced with his owner Ashleigh and impressed the nation so much they beat Jonathan and Charlotte into second place.

They wouldn't have got that far if Pudsey was a cat. Ashleigh would still have danced on stage but the cat would be sat on a shelf looking down with a face that said, "What is that prick doing?"

It was also a great victory as it taught us a lot about the UK. During the competition people were getting upset and French and Turkish entrants, and they were saying, "It's called BRITAIN'S Got Talent, you can't win it if you ain't British." And then they voted for something that's not even human.

Some people have said that the dog really isn't talented, but he would just perform for food. He hasn't developed an act for any artistic reason, he's just willing to do things on the show because he thinks he can get something to eat out of it.

Come on, that's not fair. Haven't you seen who came second?



>Read the source story

P.S. Here is the video of the dog's act.
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12/05/2012

Olympic Defences Sound Shocking

The Ministry of Defence has confirmed that a "sonic weapon" will be deployed in London during the Olympics. Is it SuBo? It's SuBo isn't it? Yeah, SuBo.

Apparently it's an American-made Long Range Acoustic Device (LRAD) that can be used to send verbal warnings over a long distance or emit a beam of pain-inducing tones.

Hmm, something that emits pain-inducing tones over London. Will it have Neil Fox as the host?

An MoD spokesman said it would be used "primarily in the loud hailer mode", but it this device has the ability to produce a deafening 150 decibels. In case you don't realise how loud that is, 90 decibels is the noise a jumbo jet makes when it takes off, and 120 decibels is the sound of a baby sat next to you in a coffee shop while you're trying to read.

It's not the only defence they could be using. Earlier this week we heard they will have surface to air missiles ready to defend the Olympic games. I just hope, if they have to launch one, it goes off during the javelin event, because for those sat at the right angle that's going to look amazing.

>Read the source story
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10/05/2012

The End Of The World Is 14% Nigh

According to a new survey one in seven people think the world will end within their lifetime. That explains why people's pensions savings are at an all time low.

Karen Gottfried was the person who questioned 16,262 people from 22 countries around the world, and around 14% of the people who answered thought we didn't have long left. I'm a pessimists and even I think they need to cheer up. I am the kind of person who thinks the glass is half empty but the way I see it, that means I'm focused on the top half of the glass. I aim higher.

Karen said: "Perhaps it is because of the media attention coming from one interpretation of the Mayan prophecy that states the world 'ends' in our calendar year 2012."

The Mayan prophecy is because the Mayan calendar actually runs out in 2012, but it's OK. The last entry in that calendar says, "Remember to buy new calendar."

Russia had the largest percentage of people expecting the worst, with the lowest coming from Great Britain. Wow. That's odd. Normally we Brits can be miserable. Maybe we still are, and when the survey asked, "Do you think the world will end in your lifetime?" we said, "No. It'll end just after. All that waiting and I'll just miss it. Typical."

Karen said: "Whether they think it will come to an end through the hands of God, or a natural disaster or a political event, whatever the reason, one in seven thinks the end of the world is coming."

In some ways, the one in seven who think we're all doomed are the lucky ones. For the rest of us six out of seven, we think the Earth will keep going and if we get proved wrong we all die. But if the one in seven get proved wrong they'll just say, "Oh well. I'll cheer up. It's not the end of the world."

>Read the source story
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09/05/2012

£50Million For An Orange!

£50Million For An Orange!An anonymous collector has paid a record £53.8 million for Mark Rothko's 1961 painting called Orange.

That makes perfect sense to me. If I'd just spent that much money on a coloured-in frame I think I'd ask to stay anonymous too.

It's not the most money wasted on something Orange. I once went on holiday and used roaming on my contract mobile phone.

If you have never seen it before it's two orange blobs on a red background, and I think what the artist was really trying to do with this piece is show how subtle differences can cause vast contrast. Or he was trying to finish up a job lot of orange paint. Either way.

So, £53.8 million for that, and only last week Edvard Munch's 1895 version of The Scream set a new overall world auction record after selling for £74 million. £74 million to make one of your rooms look like every student's bedroom.

I was reminded of The Scream, not because of its price tag but because that's the face I pulled when I heard about how much Rothko's Orange went for.

The Orange painting was created in 1962, only a few weeks before the artist died at the age of 34.

It is such a shame that he died so young. If he lived a little longer he might have finished it. It was a design that really could've caught on.



>Read the source story
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Man Marries Twins

Man marries twinsIn America, a man has married two women, who are twins.

Now that just seems wasteful. If you're going to be a bigamist, at least get some variety. It's like the people who say, "If I could have my time over again I wouldn't change a thing." Really? You'd do exactly the same instead of seeing what else is possible in this vast world?

Maybe I shouldn't judge because I have done something similar myself. I once bought a shirt that I liked so much I went back to the shop and got an identical one. But that was because I wanted to have a spare in case I ripped the first one. I'd hope that wasn't his plan with wives. I also found it useful that I could use one while the other one was being washed. OK, that could work for wives too.

And I would hope that he doesn't sleep with both wives at the same time. Some men say that sleeping with twins is a fantasy but surely it would feel wrong. You'd be thinking, "These twins are sisters, so this is incest." And again, the lack of variety is an issue. If you get the chance to sleep with two women at once why have the second one identical to the first?

There's still more oddness to this story. Not only is he married to the twins he is also in a polygamous marriage with the twins' cousin.

Wow. He's going through that family like Huntington's.

The family is fundamentalist Mormon from Salt Lake City, Utah, and in their religion "all three women are equally married" to their common husband. The man married one of the twins and their cousin in 1990. He married the other twin in 2000.

So in three years one twin will get silver for her anniversary and the other will get crystal. See how equal they feel then.

>Read the source story
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08/05/2012

The Google Car

The Google CarGoogle has been granted the first licence in the US to test self-driving cars on public streets.

I've always been worried about the idea of Google satnavs. You'd tell it your address and it would say, "Did you mean..." and drive you to where it thinks you wanted to go.

And a Google car will work in the US, but if you want it to drive in Amsterdam you'll have to set the safe search off of 'moderate'.

The Department of Motor Vehicles gave the scheme the go-ahead after conducting demonstrations on the Las Vegas Strip.

That's a scary concept. That a vehicle could be driven by something with no emotion, no personality... It'll be like buses in the UK.

The Google car has laser-radar mounted on the roof and in the radiator grill that detects pedestrians, cyclists and other vehicles, creating a virtual buffer zone around the obstacles that the car then avoids. And if it's really like Google it'll drive you to about 15 shops they it thinks you might like to buy stuff from before it gets you on your journey. Well, that's what they did with YouTube.

It's not a perfect system, apparently. Nevada DMV Director Bruce Breslow said of the Google car, "It gets honked at more often because it's being safe."

The film Minority Report had the self-driving cars doing hundreds of miles and hour, but it seems that when automobiles go automated they'll be like slow Sunday drivers. Still, on the plus side, if a computer car crashes you don't need to call the police, ambulance and insurance people. Just turn it off and back on again. That's what we do when computers crash normally.

>Read the source story
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07/05/2012

The Voice's Ratings Gone Bust

Voice boobs in TV ratings warThe UK is recovering from local elections. In France François Hollande, or to give him his full name, François Hollande Dix Points, is the new president. He beat Nicolas Sarkozy which means he has some pretty small shoes to fill. Small, but with built up heels.

While all of this is going off in the world the front page of The Daily Star says: "Holly In Sex Trick Storm".

This is about the TV show The Voice. I watched it and I didn't see Holly Willoughby having sex. Maybe that's something she does if you press the red button.

The newspaper claims that, in the battle to win the ratings war with Britain's Got Talent, Holly Willoughby breasts were put on display. That can't be true. If a cleavage is all you need to get big ratings The Voice and Britain's Got Talent would rate lower than Babestation and re-runs of Ground Force.

The whole point of the TV show The Voice is meant to be that the only thing that matters is the singers voice, not their looks, and the only thing the newspaper has to say about the show is, "Looks at the tits on that."

Although, to be fair, that was the same comment some people on Twitter were saying about Planet Earth Live when they saw Richard Hammond and Julia Bradbury were the hosts.

The newspaper said: "The babe became renowned for her plunging necklines when she hosted rival station ITV1’s prime-time skating show Dancing On Ice."

So it won't be as good on The Voice. It's the cold ambient temperature that made it look like she was happy to be there.

This story just goes to show how sexiest the media is. Holly wears a top that shows off a little bit of cleavage and it is turned into front page news. Meanwhile on Britain's Got Talent was Simon Cowell, a man who leaves so many buttons on his shirts undone I'm starting to think he's got arthritis, and no one says a thing. Hey, moobs have feelins too.
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06/05/2012

Great Balls Of Fire

Great Balls Of FireA man in Madrid has survived being struck my lightning... in the scrotum.

Ouch! But look on the bright side, lightning never strikes twice, so his nads should be fine from here on.

This 53-year-old man survived being struck by lightning in the scrotum while walking down a street in Madrid.

You have to feel sorry for him. He gets thousands of volts into his tackle... and he lives in Spain, with the Eurozone's highest unemployment.

I think his age might explain it. In your 50s they hang so near the ground they are good at earthing things.

According to Spain's El Mondo newspaper, the unnamed man lost consciousness after being struck by lightning in the groin, with the bolt travelling down his leg and striking the ground.

Unnamed? If his tackle attracts lightning we'll just call him Rod.

His son called paramedics who took him to Madrid's Hospital de la Paz where tests showed his heart and brain functions were not affected by the lightning strike.

Forget about the heart and brain, what we all want to know is, "When he has sex is it normal or does he come like Raiden from Mortal Kombat's special move?"

>Read the source story
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05/05/2012

Stand Up For The Tories

The Daily Mails says "Now Stand Up For Tory Values".

I read that wrong the first time. It means stand up as in "come out in support of". And that makes sense for the Daily Mail to say that.

The is because David Cameron is having a bad time of it after the Conservatives lost lots of seats local elections. I've never understood that about elections. People have to stand to get a seat.

It's mid term blues, a time when the voters can tell the Government what they think of their success so far. And with things like lowering tax for rich people but upping tax for pasty eaters, it's no wonder the voters weren't happy.

But when I first read the headline I thought it was "stand up" for Tory values, as if they were asking people to do stand up to help them out.

I think that's a great idea. We should get David Cameron doing some hack stand up material on stage. "Hey, what's the deal with benefits, eh? It's like, that film, 'Friends With Benefits'. I watched it and Mila Kunis just spent all day watching Jeremy Kyle on ITV2 before signing on. And have you ever noticed how people on benefits are always getting pregnant. That's the only way anyone will go into Labour these days, am I right?"

It may seem like a silly ideal to have a high-profile Tory politician doing crappy jokes, but hey, it clearly worked for Boris.
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02/05/2012

Octomom Does Dallas

OctomumThe 'Octomum' is going to star in a porn film to pay off her debts.

That wouldn't happen over here. With child benefit she'd be pulling in a good wage. She doesn't just have the 8 from the most recent "litter", she already had 6 kids before. 14 kids should get you quite a bit of child benefit, or at the very least leaves you plenty of spares if you sell one.

Nadya Suleman has agreed to do the dirty movie to help pay off debts of more than £600,000. Surely it can't pay it all off though. £600,000 for a film with a woman who's had 14 children in total. I don't want to be graphic, but I'm going to. It would be less like watching a penis in a vagina and more like watching a woman's thin arm trying to find her keys in the bottom of her big leather handbag.*

Nadya filed for bankruptcy after failing to pay debts including her mortgage, power bills and money owed to a Christian school. Can't pay for your children's Christian education? Better do porn then, and see what lessons they learn from that.

The Octomum posed topless in a magazine for £3,800 this year, but had vowed not to appear in adult films. But after facing having her house sold off, she said: "I'm going to eat my words."

I've seen these kinds of films before. It won't be words they ask you to... you know what, never mind, you'll find out.

>Read the source story


* I know, she had a caesarean, so it'll be more like trying to find a lip balm in a side pocket of a zipped up leather handbag.
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Man In China Shows How To Pull

A man in China pulled a 1.6-ton car with his eye sockets.A man in China pulled a 1.6-ton car with his eye sockets.

And I bet people just drove past and didn't even offer to help.

Why is pulling a car with your eyes even a useful skill? If you have to pull your car and you have both hands full, put something down! Get a friend to hold your coffee while you pull your 1.6-ton of car, you know it makes sense.

Yang Guanghe has a history of pulling heavy objects with his eye sockets and eyelids. At least with weight lifting you gain the useful ability to be strong. What's Yang getting out of this, other than he's really good at hanging on to his contact lenses?

The man from Anshun, in the Guizhou Province of China, revealed that his task was painful to begin with, but that he became used to the discomfort.

I don't feel sorry for him, I feel sorry for whoever was behind Yang's car in traffic.

During one performance in 2010 he put four lit light bulbs on a table before placing a board on top with two sharp knives on it, blades pointing up of course. He then stood on the sharpened blades with his bare feet, attached two hooks to his lower eyelids from which he hung two buckets of water, before rounding off his routine by playing the flute in the precarious position.

Any yet Britain's Got Talent this week will probably have yet another street dance act. Oh, the national shame.

>Read the source story
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