28/06/2012

No, Ex-Hubby, That Is Not Dogging!

Shocking headline of the day goes to the Evening Standard with, "Man accused of sex with bull mastiff tells court: 'It's a total lie'."

I should hope it is a lie. That's just wrong. The bull mastiff isn't even an attractive dog. It's stocky and ugly. If you're going to do that business you want an Afghan hound. Those long, flowing locks... What?

Here's the story. Nicholas Saunders was accused of having sex with his ex-wife's bull mastiff dog. Kelly Thacker claims to have found her ex-husband in her bed having intercourse with the animal on January 15 last year.

She was obviously upset, because the dog knows she isn't allowed on the bed.

Ms Thackersaid said she had rejected Saunders' advances towards her and was shocked to find him having sex with her dog, Sasha, soon afterwards. Ah, on the rebound. Poor Sasha.

Mr Saunders said he merely "tolerated" his ex-wife for the sake of their children and it was in fact Ms Thacker who had been wanting to get back together with him. He said he was in total shock following the allegation and denied having sex with the dog. He turned her down and she cried 'dog sex'.

The court heard Saunders, who had remained on good terms with his ex-wife, went to her house following an argument with his girlfriend who was bi-polar. (He's doing curious bears too?)

Saunders told the court they watched TV for a short time before he got undressed to go to sleep. He said: "I was woken by the dog, Sasha, licking my face. I pushed her away as I'm not a fan of that." Ah, the Pretty Woman rule, no kissing.

He continued: "As I got up to use the toilet Kelly came into the bedroom and started having a go at me...I thought she was a nutcase. Mad. I changed and left."

She called the police, and here's where the story gets a bit Jeremy Kyle, because there are some "all-important" DNA results. Saunders provided police with a swab taken from his penis. Forensic examination later showed a 100% match for the DNA of a domestic dog, although the court heard it was not possible to tell the type of dog, its sex or the source of the DNA.

So, his defence is that he didn't have sex with HER dog?

He had sex with one or more other dogs, and he didn't use condoms. In his defence, I don't know if he used condoms, but by the sound of it, he got through a whole pack.

>Read the source story
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