07/11/2012

The Cameron And Brooks Texts

David Cameron is having a hard time again, this time over his texts with Rebekah Brooks. They've been called "cosy" in the press.

Tut. I wanted more than just cosy. One text from Brooks said she "cried twice" while watching Cameron make a speech. Well, David has made many people cry, so that's not saying much.

A Cameron text to Brooks said, "fast, unpredictable and hard to control but fun". Sadly it wasn't sexual. He was talking about a horse, which means I hope it wasn't sexual.

I remember the good old days of text scandals, like David Beckham and Rebecca Loos (hmm, is there something about that name) when their dirty texts were published in the newspaper. OK, most of it was blacked out in the paper I read but you still got the feeling it was rude. In some ways a redacted text seems hotter.

"I want to put my ████ in your ████," you'll have to fill the rest in yourself.

Oh, sorry, I put the quotes in the wrong place. It should read.

"I want to put my ████ in your ████, you'll have to fill the rest in yourself."

That's a subtle different but an important one for the lady.

The Cameron-Brooks texts are part of the Leveson enquiry but many of the texts and emails have not been made public as they were deemed "not relevant" to the investigation. Forget relevant, we want to see the most embarrassing ones.

Labour MP Chris Bryant has called on the PM to public what he calls the "salacious" messages. Good. I hope that means drunken texts like we've all sent.

I'm hoping Cameron was smashed on Bolly, sat in the back of a car getting driven home at 3am when he gets the urge to text. One of those texts where you're so drunk you have to close one eye and hold the open eye really close to the phone. And you're so drunk you don't proof-read it to make sure auto-correct hasn't messed it up.

"Hey, Rebels. I want to come round and duck your aunt so bad."

So many texts like that get sent every weekend. If they were all means so many extended family members would've drowned by now.

>Read the source story
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