26/11/2012

Woman Weds R-Patz Cutout

Everyone seems to fancy Robert Pattinson. Well, apart from Kristen Stewart, she sometimes wants someone a little more mature. But in general a lot of girls fancy R-Patz.

And just let me point out, I'm from the north, so R-Patz is what we'd call two extended family members who have the name Pat. "Ey up, R-Patz are coming round for tea." And that would mean dinner by the way. It's like another language.

One woman called Lauren Adkins, from Las Vegas, has taken her love of R-Patz a bit far. She's getting married to a life-sized cardboard cut-out of Robert Pattinson. Hmm, good plan, right up till they reach the bit when he has to say "I do".

It's hardly the same. She's marrying a lifeless, emotionally unresponsive thing that's just the shape of a man. That's what he's meant to be like AFTER you're married.

She bought the cardboard Robert at a record shop in 2010. (And it took him 2 years to propose?) And don't worry, she's not deeply in love, Lauren is staging this wedding as a piece of art. She said, "The wedding is a performance art piece that is part of my thesis exhibition. It's a beautiful, escapist fantasy and I'm living it."

Well, I wish her luck, and it should all go OK, as long as she isn't spotted snogging a cardboard cut-out of director Rupert Sanders, director of Snow White and the Huntsman.

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