23/12/2012

It's Not The End Of The World

Good news and bad news. The good news is that the world didn't like the Mayans predicted. The bad news is that the world didn't end like the Mayans predicted. So many people were looking forward to it. I was all prepared for the end. I was stood there, naked on a Druid mound with a freshly slaughtered goat when it hit me, the Mayans got it wrong.

But of course they were wrong. Who would believe such nonsense made up in less enlightened times? I say forget it. Go back to celebrating Christmas.

I enjoyed the run up to what could've been the end. It was fun to live life as if we were all about to die. When the clock hit the time when we were meant to perish I was going to run down my street shouting, "We're all going to die!" to worry the neighbours. That'll teach them to play their music loud.

I didn't do that in the end. When the time arrived I ran down the street shouting, "I don't want to die a virgin." Well, you never know your luck.

Even though you don't believe in it, when everyone is talking about the end of the world it makes you think about your own existence. I realise that I have wasted my life drinking, eating too much, playing on computer games and trying to sleep with strangers. And I bloody loved it!

If you're like me and you enjoyed the end of the world a lot, the good news is that the next end of the world is in 2017. On January 1st the followers of The Sword of God Brotherhood say the apocalypse will happen for real. So not long to wait before we can enjoy it all over again.

Oh, and if The Sword of God Brotherhood are wrong and it's only the end of the world for me, please will someone delete my hard drive? Thanks.

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