06/03/2013

Woman Uses Man Moisturiser

Woman Uses Man MoisturiserTo China, for news of a woman who was sent a bottle of sperm as a gift, but mistook it for moisturiser and rubbed it on her face.

And straight away you think, "That was a gift!?! Was the all-night garage closed?"

Apparently it was sent from a shy student, who thought sending a bottle of his sperm would be the ideal way to declare his love. No, it's actually one of the worst gifts ever. They say it's the thought that counts. What kind of sick thoughts was he having?

I have often said that toiletries are the worst gift (like I said in this video special) because they imply you smell. I'm not sure what giving a jar of jizz implies. You look like you need more jizz? It doesn't sound like a compliment.

And what do you write on the note to go with that gift? "I saw this and I thought of you... just not necessarily in that order."

Don't send a bottle of spunk. Maybe just send a voucher entitling the bearer to a bottle of spunk. That way you'll have a great time if she redeems it.

The man, 22-year-old Gou Wen, said: "I love her so much but she didn't know it and I didn't know how to tell her." Dude, send flowers. And while I'm giving advice, if someone is ill, send flowers too. Don't flob up a jar of snot to show you empathise.

The woman, 19-year-old Zeng Lin, had rubbed half the fluid into her face before she asked her flatmate why it smelled so strange. (And props to the flatmate for recognising the smell.) She went to the police and he had to pay a fine of around £200. And here's the twist in the story. She got a really good bargain, because according to Cosmo magazine, women in America pay $250 for a sperm facial. (You have no idea what kind of disgusting Google search results I had to wade through to find this.)

It is said to be leave the skin smooth, nourished and helps to fight ageing. Of course it does. And that's why scrotums look so young and wrinkle-free.

>Read the source story
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