28/10/2013

Britney Stops Pirate Attacks

Someone call the Geneva Convention. There's news of a terrible atrocity.

Britney Spears songs are being used to scare off pirates in Somalia. Good news Syrian president Bashar al-Assad, you're no longer the most cruel war criminal.

Following recent attack, the plan is that ships blast out the songs of Britney Spears to keep the Somali pirates away. If you want to stop someone attacking you again I'm not sure playing, "Hit Me Baby One More Time" sends out the right message.

Merchant navy officer Rachel Owens, who works on supertankers off the east coast of Africa, and said: "Her songs were chosen by the security team because they thought the pirates would hate them most. These guys can't stand Western culture or music, making Britney's hits perfect."

Great idea. People have never attacked cultures that they don't like, so I'm sure you'll be safe.

Ships in the region are in constant danger from gun-toting pirates boarding and kidnapping crews for multi-million-pound ransoms. The pirates would be left with a choice, board the boat and get millions of pounds but while you're doing it you have to listen to Britney singing that's she's not a girl and not yet a woman, or just sail on by. The security people think the pirates' hatred of Britney is worth millions.

To be fair, the statistics back them up. In 2011, there were 176 attacks on ships by gangs of bandits off the Horn of Africa. So far the number of attacks by Somali pirates on the MTV VMAs is 0. You can't fault their logic.

>Read the source story


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