27/05/2014

[Radio Podcast] Famous Cars and Dog Teabags

As a special Bank Holiday Monday show I let the callers do all the work for me with people picking the items for the radio show. We ended up talking about famous cars, dog teabags (teabags for dogs, not made from dogs) and "Bert" Simpson?

Here's the podcast of it for you to download/listen. (Originally broadcast on Monday 26th May 2014.)



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And if you enjoyed that check out the SomeNews Topical Podcast.

I'm back doing the show on Time 107.5 in Essex next Sunday from 7am till midday. For details on how to listen see the live radio page.



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That's Harsh, Man

Jodie Marsh has been called some things in her time, often by people like Jordan in a "That kettle is black, says pot" shocker, but now she's been called something really offensive - someone called her a man.

Online fashion retailer ASOS were asked by a customer to use pictures of models who have the shape of a man and they posted a picture of poor Jodie. Not only is it rude it's also way off. As a man I can tell you she does not have the shape of a man. Her boobs are too small and she has some sort of strange lumpy thing on her stomach forming some kind of pack of 6 muscles. A quick check tells me a man has a one-pack down there, like a family bag of crisps.

She said she was "in tears" after the official Twitter page of the fashion website compared her muscle-bound physique to a man's. More proof that she's not a man. We don't cry at something as trivial as a diss on a Twitter feed or the birth of a child, we save crying for important moments like when your football team gets relegated.

It's not a good strategy for an online clothes retailer to make a potential customer feel bad about the shape of her body. They should do that using dressing room mirrors like every other shop.

Half hour after Jodie complained ASOS apologised saying: "You're right, we should never have tweeted that. We never meant to hurt your feelings and we're really sorry." But the damage was done, there were headlines saying,

"ASOS says Jodie Marsh is a man!"

And the problem with that is at a glance ASOS and ATOS look roughly the same. The first time I saw the story I thought Jodie Marsh had been declared fit for work as a bloke.


>Read the source story
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25/05/2014

A Pain In The...

The latest update from the world of tabloid...

It's the story of a man who went to the doctor with constipation only for them to find the problem, he had a vibrator up there.

I'm shocked that that was the problem and not the treatment. How did he not know? Sometimes I've had my sunglasses on my head and looked round to find my sunglasses before realising, but if those sunglasses were up my bum and vibrating I think I'd workout where they were.

It was still switched on too. Which makes sense because it would've been on when it was put up there and I doubt anyone has the internal dexterity to flick the switch on it while it's in. I know I'm meant to be disgusted by this story but part of me wants to find out where he gets his batteries from. If they were still working when he saw the doc they must be good. Even if he rushed to the doctor within a few hours of it being up there the waiting room wait is normally longer than a Duracel can last.

So that's the story that caught my eye but sadly it's only a short item in the paper, which means they can't cover the more interesting issue of what did he say when the doctor pulled it out.

"Erm, I was doing the vacuuming naked and I slipped... and landed on an upright vibrator... that was switched on.. and I didn't notice. What's that you say Doctor, it's the third case this week!?!"



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[Radio Podcast] PreNups and NHS

Back to Sundays and we were talking about prenup agreements and whether you'd recommend the NHS to people (you like presumably). Larry had entertainment news and some other random bits.

Here's the podcast of it for you to download/listen. (Originally broadcast on Sunday 25th May 2014.)



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To find more radio show minipodcasts see here.
And if you enjoyed that check out the SomeNews Topical Podcast.

I'm back doing the show on Time 107.5 in Essex next Sunday from 7am till midday. For details on how to listen see the live radio page.



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24/05/2014

[Radio Podcast] Kimye's Wedding and Plants

I covered a Saturday breakfast show today and as it was the day of Kimye's wedding we couldn't ignore such an event. We heard about plants, Home Alone kids and much more.

Here's the podcast of it for you to download/listen. (Originally broadcast on Saturday 24th May 2014.)



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     Subscribe with iTunes Subscribe via RSS feed

To find more radio show minipodcasts see here.
And if you enjoyed that check out the SomeNews Topical Podcast.

I'm back doing the show on Time 107.5 in Essex next Sunday from 7am till midday. For details on how to listen see the live radio page.



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21/05/2014

365 BBQs

Congratulations to Mat Hartley who has completed his mission to have a barbecue everyday for 365 days in London. He did it for charity raising money to save rhinos.

He may have picked the wrong cause. After eating carcinogens for a whole year you should've given that money to help cure cancer.

And there's nothing like trying to save an animal by cooking so many other dead animals. If he keeps this up the majestic rhino will no longer be endangered but pigs will be.

He's originally from South Africa but now lives in London. I don't know if he moved here before he took on the challenge but that would explain why he thought we'd have barbecue weather.

But well done to him, he's raised £7,000.
In 365 barbecues.
That's £19.17 per barbecue.
And Richmond Irish Recipe Thick Sausages are £4.50 a pack.
Sainsbury's Beef Ribeye Steak is about £9.
Charcoal Briquettes are £6 a bag.
That's £19.50 already without salads, dressing and sauces.
Basically, I think the rhinos owe you money Mat.

>Read the source story
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19/05/2014

[Radio Podcast] Theme Tune Lyrics and Famous Pets

In this one we found out if you have famous pets, we learned the lyrics you sing to theme tunes that don't actually have lyrics and we heard from Larry about an upskirt problem.

Here's the podcast of it for you to download/listen. (Originally broadcast on Sunday 18th May 2014.)



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To find more radio show minipodcasts see here.
And if you enjoyed that check out the SomeNews Topical Podcast.

I'm back doing the show on Time 107.5 in Essex next Sunday from 7am till midday. For details on how to listen see the live radio page.



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16/05/2014

More Women Have Affairs After Mother's Day

I've often wondered why new fathers buy a Mother's Day card for their wives on behalf of their newborn. It's not like she's going to believe the kid bought it. Where would he/she get the money? How did he/she get to the shops? Why is it written in a blue biro and not just smeared in shit? Any of those questions would unpick the lie.

It turns out it is worth going to the effort though. According to a cheating website women are 4 times more likely to seek out affairs after a lackluster Mother's Day.

That seems a little misdirected. If you're kids don't make you feel special you cheat on your husband? I know there's not a Wife's Day to test the hubby but it still seems a little unfair. If your offspring don't make you feel like the world's best mum how about you cheat on your kids? Start seeing other teenagers behind their back (already this seems like advice 1970's TV presenters got but I'll stick with it).

You could arrange to do the washing for some other young people or offer to help out with a student's loan. They'd be ever so grateful and they'd make you feel like a great mum, you know, in the way you just don't feel at home anymore.

When you eventually get caught you can still say, "While I was giving that young person a lift to school I was thinking of you, honest I was." But you'd would've had the thrill, the excitement of sneaking off to be appreciated as a mother. In some ways it's your children's fault. They were taking you for granted and a mother has needs.

But no, a rubbish Mother's Day and four times as many women are logging onto a website to find some bloke to shag. This is according to a dating website for people who want to have an affair, AshleyMadison.com, whose slogan is: 'Life is short. Have an affair.' And if you get caught, it would be a whole lot shorter.

It's all about Mother's Day not being as good as you'd hope, as one relationship expert said, "Whenever we have high expectations, we are bound to be let down.'

True. But then, I have high expectations for the new Star Wars films, it doesn't mean that if Jar Jar Binks comes back I have to go out and tap some strange. You see what I mean, it's about misdirecting the retribution.

Although if your Mother's Day is a flop and you go out and have sex with a stranger there's a chance you'll get pregnant, keep the baby and maybe, just maybe, that child will remember to send you a Mother's Day card when it grows up.

>Read the source story

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14/05/2014

Skull Cracker's Lesson

Normally I'm one of those annoying people who would go on about how prison is about rehabilitation not punishment, because that's what benefits society. Basically I'm a bore at dinner parties, but it's hard to go on about rehabilitation when you hear about Skull Cracker.

Ah, the case of Skull Cracker. It seems counter-intuitive that a conversation in a prison would ever go like this:

1: "Should we move Skull Cracker to an open prison?"
2: "Who?"
1: "You know, Skull Cracker. The one who cracks skulls."
2: "Oh him. Yeah, go on, what's the worst that can happen?"

But policies have to be designed for everyone not just the cases where the nickname is a bit of a clue. The idea is that as a prisoner is heading towards release back into society the prison they are in should be more and more like real life. I haven't been in an open prison (it's my fault, by the sound of it I could just walk right in without being stopped if I really wanted to do the research) but I don't think they have nightmare rush-hour traffic to cope with and they certainly don't have to worry about eviction, so it's not that much like life on the outside.

Mr Cracker, aka 55-year-old Michael Wheatley, isn't a great case study for this type of rehabilitation because after a few days of not being in prison he was back in custody for allegedly holding up a building society. Maybe the open prison needs a branch of Nationwide in it to give the inmates practice at walking by it without holding it up.

Skull got 13 life sentences for armed raids on 13 banks and building societies. 13 life sentences. That's a prison term that should even strike fear into the hearts of cats, but apparently it was the third time he had gone on the run after prison authorities allowed him out on temporary release.

1: "You know that Skull Cracker?"
2: "Who?"
1: "That guy who cracks skulls?"
2: "Oh yeah. What about him?"
1: "Do you think we should let him out on temporary release?"
2: "You mean that thing we did th#e last two times he absconded?"
1: "Yeah that."
2: "Sure thing. What's the worst that could happen?"

But credit where it's due. Uncle Cracker may have absconded from prison to do a bank job but as far as we know no skulls were cracked. That's a step in the right direction, right? Rehabilitation works!

>Read the source story
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13/05/2014

[Radio Podcast] My Tummy Ache and Take That

On this show I had an issue with stomach cramps so that was fun. Oh, and there were some other things on the show. Apparently I was on Eurovision too.

Here's the podcast of it for you to download/listen. (Originally broadcast on Sunday 11h May 2014.)



Download the mp3 or ogg.

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To find more radio show minipodcasts see here.
And if you enjoyed that check out the SomeNews Topical Podcast.

I'm back doing the show on Time 107.5 in Essex next Sunday from 7am till midday. For details on how to listen see the live radio page.



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04/05/2014

[Radio Podcast] Foot in Mouth and Robbie Williams

On this show we were talking about the things you said that got you in trouble, Robbie Wiliam's plans to be James Bond, and tea vs sex.

Here's the podcast of it for you to download/listen. (Originally broadcast on Sunday 4th May 2014.)



Download the mp3 or ogg.

     Subscribe with iTunes Subscribe via RSS feed

To find more radio show minipodcasts see here.
And if you enjoyed that check out the SomeNews Topical Podcast.

I'm back doing the show on Time 107.5 in Essex next Sunday from 7am till midday. For details on how to listen see the live radio page.



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03/05/2014

[Radio Podcast] Games and Jersey Boys

The final one of this run of covers shows saw us talking about the games we play to get through boring parts of life, Larry updated us on Pippa Middleton's pants, we had the final Pause for Thought and some other bits.

Here's the podcast of it for you to download/listen. (Originally broadcast on Friday 2nd May 2014.)



Download the mp3 or ogg.

     Subscribe with iTunes Subscribe via RSS feed

To find more radio show minipodcasts see here.
And if you enjoyed that check out the SomeNews Topical Podcast.

I'm back doing the show on Time 107.5 in Essex next Sunday from 7am till midday. For details on how to listen see the live radio page.



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01/05/2014

[Radio Podcast] Bob Hoskins and Rihanna

In today's cover show we talked about the rules you live by which was inspired by the sad news about Bob Hoskins, we heard about Rihanna from Larry, Rev Jason Statham was there and we played Band or Banned.

Here's the podcast of it for you to download/listen. (Originally broadcast on Thursday 1st May 2014.)



Download the mp3 or ogg.

     Subscribe with iTunes Subscribe via RSS feed

To find more radio show minipodcasts see here.
And if you enjoyed that check out the SomeNews Topical Podcast.

I'm back doing the show on Time 107.5 in Essex next Sunday from 7am till midday. For details on how to listen see the live radio page.



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