30/06/2014

[Radio Podcast] Dolly Parton and Little Addictions

In this cover show we looked at the claims that Dolly Parton mimed, the little addictions that we all have in life and is Suarez going into I'm A Celeb?

Here's the podcast of it for you to download/listen. (Originally broadcast on Monday 30th June 2014.)



Download the mp3 or ogg.

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To find more radio show minipodcasts see here.
And if you enjoyed that check out the SomeNews Topical Podcast.

I'm back doing the show on Time 107.5 in Essex next Sunday from 7am till midday. For details on how to listen see the live radio page.



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Man Poos In Bank

I have often been at the end of poor service and considered writing a letter of complaint. I never know how to find the words though. I'd start with "To whom it may concern" but I worry that I'd come off as pompous or they might just think "Well, it doesn't concern me" and throw it away. I could start it with "Dear Terrible People" but if I start like that by the end of the letter I'll be sobbing. But thankfully there's another way to send your complaint without the use of a letter it would seem.

There's a story in the news of a man who walked into a Barclays and did a poo on the floor. That's one deposit they weren't expecting.

It was the Andover branch that was forced to close temporarily after an apparently irate customer walked around the branch while pinching one off. At least he finally found a use for all those little slips of paper you get with everything you do at the ATMs.

One witness said he was wearing flipflops. So it clearly wasn't a planned dirty protest. You wouldn't poo on the floor in flipflops, that's like using a lathe without putting the guard down.

I hope this doesn't catch on as a trend. If we start taking a crap on the floor every time we don't get good service life will be hell. I'll have to wear wellies, but that's because I go in the Post Office often.

>Read the source story

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29/06/2014

[Radio Podcast] Not Really Much and Other Stuff

In the show today, not much really. But having said that this is one of the longest podcasts from a show that came out, so that "nothing" got stretched out a fair bit. Items included a few calls from people trying to help me come up with ideas, a story about a man who shoved snacks up his botty, Ed Sheran's Sing sounds a bit like MC Hammer and a lot of stuff about footballers eating.

Here's the podcast of it for you to download/listen. (Originally broadcast on Sunday 29th June 2014.)



Download the mp3 or ogg.

     Subscribe with iTunes Subscribe via RSS feed

To find more radio show minipodcasts see here.
And if you enjoyed that check out the SomeNews Topical Podcast.

I'm back doing the show on Time 107.5 in Essex next Sunday from 7am till midday. For details on how to listen see the live radio page.



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27/06/2014

SomeNews Live in Edinburgh 2014 [Ended]

The show has past now, shame you missed it. Find out when the next live show is in the Live Gig section.



Note: Trying to find the venue? Here's a video to help you get there from Cowgate or Grass Market


The SomeNews Live Show returned to Edinburgh in 2014 with two shows.

SomeNews "Correction" is a show all about how news gives us the wrong impression.  From our opinions on crime, immigration, our health and even the sex lives we should be having, if you believe what you read you'll be getting it wrong.

Venue: Dropkick Murphy's, 7 Merchant St, Old Town, Edinburgh, City of Edinburgh EH1 2QD
Price: Free
Show Time: 5:15pm
Dates: August 4-23 (not Sundays)
Tickets: Book here

-And-

SomeNews
 Extra - a nightly show with Mr Steve N Allen, Erich McElroy and guest comedians talking through the news with the help of the audience.  

Venue: Lizard Lounge, Espionage, 4 India Buildings, Victoria St, Edinburgh EH1 2EX
Price: Free
Show Time: 9:00pm
Dates: August 4-23




The SomeNews show has been toured round many comedy festivals including Brighton, Leicester, Nottingham and Manchester. Here's what the reviewers had to say:

"His improvisation was impressive, topical jokes quick and practised on his tongue. This is a tight, upbeat show that I would recommend going to see." - Broadway Baby

"Allen hits the mark more often than not, with an effusive mix of biting satire and gleeful mud-slinging that recalls Russell Howard by way of Ian Hislop. More than worth a look." ★★★★ - Three Weeks

"Well informed wit." - Latest7

"What was evident here, is the performer is quality, his mockery, and the excellent use of accents combined with clever voice-over interaction; is a performer with masses of talent." - Fringe Review





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26/06/2014

Guest Spot on The Land of Rhod 3

I did another guest appearance on Internet radio, on a show called The Land of Rhod, hosted by @Rhodders.

In the show we talked about sugar tax, Michael Fabricant and CCTV cars.


To listen to the podcast of the show check out the Land of Rhod website.

And here's the previous time I was on the show.
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Perrie Edwards Farts

Sometimes I worry about the role models our children have these days. They are often fame obsessed, shallow and fickle. Thankfully we didn't have people like that on TV when I was growing up. We had old men who worked hard to grant you a wish if you wrote them a letter.

And now Perrie Edwards from Little Mix has been talking to the press about her relationship with One Direction's Zayn Malik. Tut. Things like that should remain private. I'd expect better from a member of Pick n Mix.

She went on to say, "I fart in front of him!" I'm not sure if she means stood in front of him or if they take it in turns but she jumps the trump queue sometimes. Either way, it's not a nice mental image from a Weetabix singer.

I worry that this will make the young folk think that breaking wind in front of your partner is a good thing. It's not. As a youth myself I remember meeting someone and within the first 3 week of our relationship we thought it was so cute when we broke the fart barrier. But once you've breached it there's no going back. That person went on to be with me for 10 years and she easily out farted me 6-to-1. I couldn't keep up, she just farted way more than I could (and I tried, I tried). With a fart ratio like that it made my life hell. During that decade we were together I think I breathed in more fart than I let out.

So kids, don't rush into things, physical things, when it comes to relationships, because there may come a time when you wish you'd waited. And that, dear members of Pick Up Sticks, is how to be a good role model.

>Read the source story

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[Radio Podcast] Revenge on an Ex and Danny Dyer

In the show we found out why only women get revenge on their exs, Danny Dyer's trouble, a python and some other bits.

Here's the podcast of it for you to download/listen. (Originally broadcast on Sunday 22nd June 2014.)



Download the mp3 or ogg.

     Subscribe with iTunes Subscribe via RSS feed

To find more radio show minipodcasts see here.
And if you enjoyed that check out the SomeNews Topical Podcast.

I'm back doing the show on Time 107.5 in Essex next Sunday from 7am till midday. For details on how to listen see the live radio page.



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25/06/2014

Boy Takes Queen Selfie, #Quelfie

When meeting our Queen there are certain rules. For example, she can touch you but you cannot touch her. It's the lap dancing protocol. But advancements in technology are making it hard to know what's right.

A young teen with no respect for authority, or good photography, took a selfie with the Queen as she made a public appearance. I don't know if it is against the rules but it shows exactly what is wrong with the young folk these days. When we were younger if we wanted a small and unflattering picture of the Queen we had to buy a stamp like everyone else.

It's a worrying lapse in security. For all we know that phone would've been a weapon or at the very least might be using an unflattering filter. These things need controlling.

She was visiting Belfast and took the time to visit the Game of Thrones set. So a teenage boy was near where they film Game of Throwns and took a picture of the Queen rather than any one of the many nude scenes they make in that show? Wow. That's what's wrong with the youth of today, they don't think these things through.

>Read the source story
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24/06/2014

[Radio Podcast] How To Call In A Sickie

Covering another radio show, we got to talking about your tricks and tips on how to call in sick and take the day off. We also heard about Wayne Rooney's love life again, Cheryl Cole's bum tattoo and loads more.

Here's the podcast of it for you to download/listen. (Originally broadcast on Saturday 21st June 2014.)



Download the mp3 or ogg.

     Subscribe with iTunes Subscribe via RSS feed

To find more radio show minipodcasts see here.
And if you enjoyed that check out the SomeNews Topical Podcast.

I'm back doing the show on Time 107.5 in Essex next Sunday from 7am till midday. For details on how to listen see the live radio page.



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The Deep Fried Doughnut Bacon Cheeseburger

I often like to marvel at the advancements mankind has made. We've produced skyscrapers, machines that can see what electrons do and the internet. But all of that was just build up to the best thing we've ever produced... The deep fried doughnut bacon cheeseburger.

For those people who think a bacon cheeseburger with a doughnut instead of a bun isn't calorific enough someone thought of deep frying it.

If you've been saving up your Weight Watchers pro points since birth you can tuck into the little snack that has enough calories to keep you going all month. And even McDonald's put a gherkin in a burger, which is almost kind of a vegetable, but the deep fried doughnut bacon cheeseburger saves you from achieving any of your 5-a-day.

While some may think that this kind of food is exactly what's wrong with society but maybe it's exactly what we need. There are two many people on the planet and in the West we're living so long we're causing a pension crisis. But if we all started eating deep fried doughnut bacon cheeseburgers we'll be dying nice and young and not having the energy to breed. Problem solved.

>Read the source story
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23/06/2014

World Cup Podcast Bit

I was lucky enough to do a guest spot on the Time FM World Cup podcast, which isn't bad going for a man who knows nothing about football. It's like Boris Johnson going on a Toni & Guy podcast.

If you want to be rude and skip right to my bit it starts at 16'30" in or just listen to the whole thing.

You can listen on this player...

Time FM World Cup Podcast -Episode 6 by Time 107.5 Fm on Mixcloud


Or try a direct download here of the m4a file...

Or see the station website for details.

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The 1 Minute Parking Sign

People say that life seems to be getting faster. And then they say something else but I don't know what because I've stopped listening by then, I have things to do and the internet to look at. The internet is great, I was watching a video of a dog on there the other day who did something funny. I didn't get to see what the dog did as the video was 5 minutes long and I got bored after 2. What do these people think I am, made of time?

But even high-speed me was shocked by a new sign that permits 1 minute parking. I'm pretty quick at shopping but I'd struggle to make it to the shops and back. Imagine if you get stuck behind an old person using a self-scan till? You'd get towed away for sure.

As it turns out the 1 minute parking was a typo and the sign was meant to say 1 hour. The Los Angeles Department of Transportation were told about their mistake but said they couldn't correct the error for 2 weeks. But with their track record at getting time periods right that could take anywhere up to an epoch.

1 minute was clearly too short but this has got me thinking that maybe shorter parking periods is what society needs. If you only got 20 minutes no one would hold up a queue having a long chat about the war with the cashier. (The chat is with the cashier, not the war.) People wouldn't walk slowly along the street taking time out of the lives of those walking behind. Parents with loud kids ruining your coffee shop trip? Not with the amount of time it takes to get them in and out of the car they won't be. People would burn more calories as they have to rush which would help with the West's obesity. And texting while walking would die out because you'd have to focus.

So, shorter parking is the secret to making the world a better place. But it doesn't matter because most people stopped reading this after the epoch joke, they don't have all day you know.

>Read the source story
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[Radio Podcast] Happy Making and World Cup Upset

This show was post-World Cup upset but I didn't cry, honest. We heard about Clooney's best man, a fancy dress criminal and looked at why it was such a happy day.

Here's the podcast of it for you to download/listen. (Originally broadcast on Friday 20th June 2014.)



Download the mp3 or ogg.

     Subscribe with iTunes Subscribe via RSS feed

To find more radio show minipodcasts see here.
And if you enjoyed that check out the SomeNews Topical Podcast.

I'm back doing the show on Time 107.5 in Essex next Sunday from 7am till midday. For details on how to listen see the live radio page.





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Crowdfunded Gives Us Autoblow 2

Technology has given us the washing machine to save us walking down to the river to scrub our pants, the microwave oven to save us hours of cooking time and even the mobile phone so you don't have to actually see anyone. But there are some everyday domestic tasks that we are still reliant on getting someone to do it for us. Well, not any more.

A man called Brian Sloan has invented the Autoblow 2, a machine that takes the human error out of oral sex.

He came up with the idea and listed it on a crowdfunding site looking to get $45,000. "Who in their right mind would put there money towards such an idea?" you may think, "He'll never get $45,000." And indeed he didn't. He got $280,247.

It uses motors to stimulate the male thingy so you can just sit back and enjoy it. They've found a way to save us the calories from wanking. This could finally be the thing that tips the West into the obesity crisis.

Apparently the man behind this says there is no risk of electrocution with the Autoblow 2, which makes you wonder what went wrong with the Autoblow 1 we're not being told about.

But no thank you. Like organic veg, there are some things in this world I prefer being done the natural way, and I don't mind paying slightly more for. I will not be trying the Autoblow 2.

But if Dyson bring one out...

>Read the source story

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[Radio Podcast] Football and other things

This was the show just before England did a whoopsie in the World Cup, so we mention that, we talk about Helen Wood in Big Brother, a woman who spent her student loan on a boob job, National Kissing Day, Dappy and loads loads more. And because I wasn't feeling very sociable, no callers.

Here's the podcast of it for you to download/listen. (Originally broadcast on Thursday 19th June 2014.)



Download the mp3 or ogg.

     Subscribe with iTunes Subscribe via RSS feed

To find more radio show minipodcasts see here.
And if you enjoyed that check out the SomeNews Topical Podcast.

I'm back doing the show on Time 107.5 in Essex next Sunday from 7am till midday. For details on how to listen see the live radio page.





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20/06/2014

Man Enjoys Shopping

I enjoy shopping as much as the next man as long as the next man isn't 26-year-old Derek Bennett from Oklahoma who is in the news because he was caught masturbating in the middle of a supermarket.

I know those places are self-service and all that but come on. I just can't understand why he wanted to do that. For a start the first half of a supermarket shopping trip is walking in the fridge and freezer section, and that's way to cold to be getting your bits out in. And when you're going up and down the aisles you kind of get locked into a pattern with your fellow shoppers. It gets awkward enough when you keep getting eye contact with the same people again and again, it must be worse if you're stroking your meat as you do it.

It's pretty sick. I don't like the fact that you buy fruit that someone else may have previously handled but now I have to deal with the thought that before they handled your fruit they handled their own veg.

Apparently he was surprised that someone saw him doing it. Oh really? I'd be surprised if someone saw me doing it but that's because I don't do it in the middle of a shop. Call me a saddo but I do it the old fashioned way, in front of a computer, and no one has ever seen me. Well, once someone saw me, and I got banned from that Internet Cafe.

Police received a call from two other customers who had seen Derek nonchalantly strolling around the store with his penis out. And you have to feel sorry for the cops. Imagine turning up to that situation, walking in and saying, "Are you going to come quietly?" You're meant to be arresting him not giving him advice.

>Read the source story
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[Radio Podcast] First Times and Women Loving Shoes

Two shows in one this time. I covered a show Monday and a little two hour one on Wednesday, so they're slapped together into one podcast that covers the little baby George walking, flirting, women preferring shoes to men (shocker) and quite a bit more.

Here's the podcast of it for you to download/listen. (Originally broadcast on Monday 16th and Wednesday 18th June 2014.)



Download the mp3 or ogg.

     Subscribe with iTunes Subscribe via RSS feed

To find more radio show minipodcasts see here.
And if you enjoyed that check out the SomeNews Topical Podcast.

I'm back doing the show on Time 107.5 in Essex next Sunday from 7am till midday. For details on how to listen see the live radio page.





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19/06/2014

The Yo App

You know when you log into Facebook and make a joke about someone being so out of date they're still using My Space? Or maybe you go on Twitter and berate the cat obsessives that Facebook all day long? Well, I look at you and I mock because I'm on Yo.

If you haven't heard of it, Yo is an app that's a little like Snapchat but without the ability to send photos, or it's like Kik without the messages. Basically it's an app that lets you say "Yo" to someone. And that's it. Want to say, "Yo – how you doing"? Then you can bugger right off because you're only getting "Yo" on this app.

Some people think this is the stupidest app idea ever but don't forget that people said the same about Twitter and they may have been right. Blogging was massive but microblogging came along, where you get to say much less, and it was a big hit. Extrapolate that forward and having a system where people can only say one two letter word and this could be the next big thing.

I use Twitter on radio all the time to get content. In a few years I could be doing a show where I sit there saying, "John in Totting says Yo, Michelle got in touch and she said Yo, but Sue from Finchley thinks Yo. Thanks for your messages guy. If you want to join the debate Yo me at mrstevenallen..."

Great radio.

But the problem with the Yo app is that it doesn't go far enough. When texting came along it was great because it meant you didn't have to have a conversation. Then Twitter was great because it stopped people at 140 characters instead of letting them go into multiple texts. Yo gets people down to a set 2 characters but the end game is clearly an app that lets people send no message at all.

But with all the recent outages maybe Facebook have beaten me to it.


>Read the source story

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15/06/2014

[Radio Podcast] Things You Can't Do Anymore and Simon Cowell

This week there was a study saying that dad dancing is a thing because after a certain age men lose the skills on the dance floor. So, you know, important research. Larry spoke about Simon Cowell and there was a story about a post man. Sweet.

Here's the podcast of it for you to download/listen. (Originally broadcast on Sunday 15th June 2014.)



Download the mp3 or ogg.

     Subscribe with iTunes Subscribe via RSS feed

To find more radio show minipodcasts see here.
And if you enjoyed that check out the SomeNews Topical Podcast.

I'm back doing the show on Time 107.5 in Essex next Sunday from 7am till midday. For details on how to listen see the live radio page.



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08/06/2014

[Radio Podcast] Ultimatum Winners and Beckham's Bistro

Yet more radio content from another show, in this one we were looking at the things you'd dump a partner for, the man who got a ring stuck somewhere where you don't want it, the man-monkey zoo trouble and Larry told us about David Beckham's new restaurant.

Here's the podcast of it for you to download/listen. (Originally broadcast on Sunday 8th June 2014.)



Download the mp3 or ogg.

     Subscribe with iTunes Subscribe via RSS feed

To find more radio show minipodcasts see here.
And if you enjoyed that check out the SomeNews Topical Podcast.

I'm back doing the show on Time 107.5 in Essex next Sunday from 7am till midday. For details on how to listen see the live radio page.







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07/06/2014

[Radio Podcast] Things That Make You Laugh and Gwyneth

In another cover show we talked about the levels of sophistication in the UK sense of humour, Gwyneth's opinions on the science of water, a thing about fancying larger people and probably more.

Here's the podcast of it for you to download/listen. (Originally broadcast on Friday 6th June 2014.)



Download the mp3 or ogg.

     Subscribe with iTunes Subscribe via RSS feed

To find more radio show minipodcasts see here.
And if you enjoyed that check out the SomeNews Topical Podcast.

I'm back doing the show on Time 107.5 in Essex next Sunday from 7am till midday. For details on how to listen see the live radio page.



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05/06/2014

[Radio Podcast] Too Angry and Wayne Rooney's Lover

In a show that even I didn't think I'd be doing today, we talked about Kevin Spacey getting angry and we looked at what gets your goat too. Wayne Rooney's former lover is going into Big Brother so Larry had an update and coffee. Lots of coffee.

Here's the podcast of it for you to download/listen. (Originally broadcast on Thursday 5th June 2014.)



Download the mp3 or ogg.

     Subscribe with iTunes Subscribe via RSS feed

To find more radio show minipodcasts see here.
And if you enjoyed that check out the SomeNews Topical Podcast.

I'm back doing the show on Time 107.5 in Essex next Sunday from 7am till midday. For details on how to listen see the live radio page.



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