20/06/2014

Man Enjoys Shopping

I enjoy shopping as much as the next man as long as the next man isn't 26-year-old Derek Bennett from Oklahoma who is in the news because he was caught masturbating in the middle of a supermarket.

I know those places are self-service and all that but come on. I just can't understand why he wanted to do that. For a start the first half of a supermarket shopping trip is walking in the fridge and freezer section, and that's way to cold to be getting your bits out in. And when you're going up and down the aisles you kind of get locked into a pattern with your fellow shoppers. It gets awkward enough when you keep getting eye contact with the same people again and again, it must be worse if you're stroking your meat as you do it.

It's pretty sick. I don't like the fact that you buy fruit that someone else may have previously handled but now I have to deal with the thought that before they handled your fruit they handled their own veg.

Apparently he was surprised that someone saw him doing it. Oh really? I'd be surprised if someone saw me doing it but that's because I don't do it in the middle of a shop. Call me a saddo but I do it the old fashioned way, in front of a computer, and no one has ever seen me. Well, once someone saw me, and I got banned from that Internet Cafe.

Police received a call from two other customers who had seen Derek nonchalantly strolling around the store with his penis out. And you have to feel sorry for the cops. Imagine turning up to that situation, walking in and saying, "Are you going to come quietly?" You're meant to be arresting him not giving him advice.

>Read the source story
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