06/09/2014

Sharks Are Sexist #Fact

#everydaysexism!

New research has uncovered inherent sexism and no one is doing anything about it. It turns out that sharks are 'nine times more likely' to kill men than women in unprovoked attacks.

These man-hating creatures have been attacking men, probably because of something in their past, and analysis shows that 89% of all recent fatal shark bites were on men. If it were the other way round there'd be Twitter campaigns, features on Radio 4's Woman's Hour, it's political correctness gone mad.

The team at Australia's Bond University were so surprised by the data they had to double check their results. They checked and it's real, sharks are total bitches.

Now, it is possible that sharks attack more men because more men end up swimming near sharks, but I think I have a much better theory. I remember reading about the male period; the fluctuations in the hormone levels in men. And as we all know, periods attract animals. The female one attracts bears and now I think the male one attracts sharks.

Research indicates the hormonal cycle runs over a six week period in males, causing an elevated testosterone level and thus, more irrational behaviour. And what's more irrational then going for a swim in a place that has sharks in it? See, this is starting to look like facts.

So men, if you're on your period, for heavens sake don't go swimming near sharks. Symptoms of the male period include no bleeding, no swelling and no soreness. So if you have those symptoms don't go near sharks.

That's the most sensible advice you'll hear all day.

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