26/10/2014

[Radio Podcast] Workplace Romance and Lindsay Lohan

In this week's show, the Government says it is saving money for drivers, and I agreed in a childishly sarcastic way, Lindsay Lohan has paid an artists to paint her naked, we take a lead from X Factor and think about having a fling at work and something about lobsters. Here's the podcast of it for you to download/listen. (Originally broadcast on Sunday 26th October 2014.)



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23/10/2014

Man Who Lives In Bin Goes Viral

I was driving to a gig in the north when I stopped at a motorway services and read in the paper that there’s a man living in a bin. It’s a filthy, dirty place to live that smells. But I had a gig there, so that’s why I was going.

Anyway, back to the story. There’s a man who lives in a bin. I had to check to make sure it wasn’t just an episode of Sesame Street that some reporter had taken seriously.

In the clip you see a man living in a public bin in Manchester, having a little smoke. That’s terrible. If you want to smoke you should go outside, you’ll make your home smell.

It turns out the clip was actually a hoax, and obviously so. Why would you live in a bin in Manchester? The houses are probably cheaper than the bins. But in London that now seems like a good idea. Recently there was a story where some small garage sold for millions in London, so soon there will be no hope of normal people living in the nation’s capital. This joker has stumbled across the solution. If we convert some of the public bins into housing there’ll be a place we non-rich can make a home. You’d have to find a way to run power into it, probably from a nearby street light, and maybe we should tell the IRA it’s not a bin any more, just in case.

>Read the source story
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19/10/2014

[Radio Podcast] The Wrong Gender and Carol Vorderman

This week we look at those times when you guess someone's gender incorrectly, Carol Vorderman is back on the market, we defend ASDA and monkey hearts get looked after well. Oh, and no want voted for Steve's Law. Oh well. Here's the podcast of it for you to download/listen. (Originally broadcast on Sunday 19th October 2014.)



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eBay for a Girlfriend

They say there are plenty more fish in the sea. But that's no good. No one wants to make love to a fish. Not even another fish. In the fish world the female spew out some eggs and then the male jizzes on those eggs. It's a great way to breed without contracting an STI, but you wouldn't believe the looks you get from a woman when you suggest it.

Anyway, the end of one relationship can be a tricky time, but one enterprising chap found a way to quickly move on.

A man in the UK used eBay to find a girl to replace his ex. He was really breaking the trend there. Normally if a man wants to find another woman to replace the ex he goes online to spend some money, but not on eBay.

He was looking for a woman to go with him on holiday. IT technician Jake Dodridge had booked a romantic £650 trip with his long-term girlfriend, but just before the trip she left him. So he took to the auction site to find someone to go with him. It's a shame there wasn't a website where he could just sell the tickets to the highest bidder and make the money back. Oh well.

His listing said: "This isn't something I would normally do, but when life gives you lemons you have to make lemonade."

God, that phrase again. You don't. You really don't. We live in a time of plenty, feel free to throw the lemons away. Or at the very least don't add sugar too them and drink them. That land of plenty is also the cause of our diabetes.

He added: "It's not about making money, I just want someone to go with so the holiday will go to the highest bidder. It will be a great first date." Yes. And also last one.

But he put the ad on eBay with a starting price of 99p. So far still no bids. Wow. And his girlfriend left a catch like that?

Still, if he can't get a new woman on eBay he could try Amazon, as long as he's into really talk chicks.

>Read the source story

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17/10/2014

[Radio Podcast] Stern Letters and The 90s

A shock special this one, as it was a last minute show, but we knocked one together. We were talking about the stern letters you have written and we defend the 90s. Oh, and some footballer says something stupid. Try to look shocked. Here's the podcast of it for you to download/listen. (Originally broadcast on Wednesday 15th October 2014.)



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16/10/2014

#WakeUpCall Selfie - [Video]

This week at the SomeNews Live Show we took a look at the latest trend in charity selfies, the Wake Up Call, the trend that lets you see what celebrities look like in bed without having to download things hacked from their iCloud accounts. You can see the video below or follow the link to see it on YouTube.

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14/10/2014

[Radio Podcast] Slogans That Lied and Angelina Meets The Queen

This week, following on from the court case against Red Bull who lied about actually giving you wings, we look at other slogans that were lies, and we track down the missing Kim Jong-un. Oh, and Angelina met the Queen. Plus there's a little extra content that wasn't broadcast.

Here's the podcast of it for you to download/listen. (Originally broadcast on Sunday 12th October 2014.)



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Denmark To Ban Puppy Love

Shocking story of the week: "Denmark has vowed to finally ban sex with animals." The shocking part is that it's not illegal there at the moment. Excuse me while I'll nip downstairs to throw out my bacon.

And I'm back. They're banning beast sex because they say the practice is "damaging the country's reputation". It's probably not doing much for the animals either.

Apparently the problem is that because bestiality is illegal pretty much everywhere else in Europe animal fanciers are going to Denmark as sex tourists. You'd think you'd be able to tell when a man and a goat try to check into a hotel as Mr and Mrs Smith.

Agriculture minister Dan Jorgensen said: "I have decided that we should ban sex with animals." Sounds like the fall out from a bad break up. He went on: "This is because it constitutes an attack on the animal, which naturally cannot consent to sex." That's true, they can't say yes. Horses can say neigh and the Danish need to realise neigh means neigh.

A recent opinion poll revealed that 76% of Danes support a ban on animal sex. I think the bigger question is about the 24%. That's nearly 1 in 4 who thinks a little bit of animal sex is fine. If you're reading this in Denmark look around, if you see three people near you who don't look like they fancy animals, it's you.

However, critics have branded the new law unnecessary as existing legislation already protects animals from suffering, pain, distress or lasting harm. And the animals said, "Lasting? Tut. He wishes."

>Read the source story

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10/10/2014

Comedy Podcast 60 - ISIS, Kim Jong-un and Fappening

SomeNews podcast

It's the SomeNews Podcast, episode 60.

In this podcast:

ISIS, ISIL or IS
Kim Jong-un Missing
The Fappening Latest

In this episode we take a look sat the ISIS situation and our role in it, we try to find Kim Jong-un now that he's gone missing. And the Fappening, the leaked hack celebrity rude pics, keeping going.




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09/10/2014

What's The Latest Political Hypocrisy

Political hypocrisy is hardly something new. They speak of family values while heading off to be spanked in a Mayfair club by some leather-clad sort. They're the ones spending the tax we pay because we can't claim some things as expenses, meanwhile they claim a duck house as their second residence or something, but this latest news takes the biscuit.

Nearly 90 per cent of MPs exceed the government’s recommended calorie intake each week. But I guess I'd overindulge if I spent all of my time in a party. Eh, party? Because... nevermind.

They're telling us to watch what we eat while they're filling their faces. If you can't manage to live by a rule you can't expect everyone else to. For the same reason it would be great to see MPs have to spend a month of every year living off benefits, just so they can't keep in touch with the issues they're making decisions on.

The same survey also found that nearly half fail to take regular exercise and the stats break down interestingly when you look at the parties. Conservative MPs were the least active when compared to their colleagues. That can mean only one thing, the dominatrices in Mayfair really aren't working them hard enough.

Labour MPs are the most active. I was surprised by that. You'd have thought the Lib Dems might have burnt off a few calories doing all those U-turns.

Also in the study we found that the Liberal Democrats were the least stressed MPs. That's impressive, that they can remain unstressed by the pressure of knowing that after an election you could running the entire country and... oh... oh yeah... good point.

Around 20% of MPs also admitted they drink too much, but that one is harder to pick on. Famously Winston Churchill managed to fight the Second World War while drinking heavily. That also explains why the first few air raids to Germany involved the pilots shouting, "Come on then! You want some!"

>Read the source story
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06/10/2014

Guest Spot on The Land of Rhod 4

I did another guest appearance on Internet radio, on a show called The Land of Rhod, hosted by @Rhodders.

In the show we talked about political scandals, meat-free Mondays and some other stuff. Have yourself a listen.


To listen to the podcast of the show check out the Land of Rhod website.

And here's the previous time I was on the show.
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Jesus Found in Japanese Cake


Sometimes the world seems very fragmented; there are cultures that don't mix and that separation is holding humanity back. That's why it is good to see something bring us together. The face of Jesus has been found in a Japanese green tea roll.

Previously his face has been seen in wood, toast and potatoes but they've all been in Catholic countries, so pretty much preaching to the choir. But it was in a roll from a Komeda coffee outlet in the mostly Buddhist and Shinto Japan where he's now popped up. That's step one in recruiting. It's good to mix things up a little and appear in the foods of other cultures. It's like when the pope makes some comment about the Israel and Palestine, you think, "This isn't really your department but it's nice to know you care."

Jesus appearing to followers of Buddhism and Shintoism is a bold move, but if he wants to get in the news he has to pop up in some chip butty in the Islamic State. He's probably not willing to upset anyone that much, because after all, he's not Jeremy Clarkson.

>Read the source story
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[Radio Podcast] Regretted Purchases and Jeremy Clarkson

In this show we look at the things you wish you hadn't bought, Jeremy Clarkson having to escape a hate mob, I was solving bacon related problems and much more. And there's extra content that wasn't broadcast.

Here's the podcast of it for you to download/listen. (Originally broadcast on Sunday 5th October 2014.)



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01/10/2014

Tesco's Profits - [Video]

The SomeNews Live Show is back. This time we look at the trouble Tesco have had with their profits, both the real profits and the ones they just made up. You can see the video below or follow the link to see it on YouTube.

Have a look...

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