Last week Jamie Oliver told us that sugar was bad for us. No one was shocked. This week the World Health Organisation tells us that bacon is bad for us. Again, not a shock. It's good that this news isn't a shock because with all the sugar and bacon I eat I don't think my heart could have taken it.
Yes, it's a dark day for meat eaters everywhere if they saw social media and read about the news. It's a safe bet that meat eaters saw it, we have a lot of time to kill on the loo and therefore we're good at social media.
Processed meat, including bacon, has been linked to cancer. First it was tobacco and now bacon, so basically, smoking is bad for you. In fact processed meat has been added to the same category as asbestos. Who the hell is eating asbestos these days, other than customers who have really pissed off the waiter?
On the flip side of that argument, if processed meat is as bad as asbestos I guess that means now I can't line my walls in pastrami.
WHO also said that red meat is risky too. I'm sure it's good that they did this research but it feels like we didn't really need it. When it comes to food there's one simple rule, "If it's nice to eat it's not good for you."
Sugar? Oooh, tasty. It'll kill you.
Meat? Oooh, yum. You'll never make it alive.
Quinoa? Gip! Yep, you can have that.
It doesn't matter what you do, health foods are never going to get us excited like naughty foods. There's an advert on TV at the moment that says, "Finally, rice and quinoa, together."
No. No one is watching the TV when that comes on and says, "Thank god for that. Honey, they've finally mixed rice and quinoa. We can stop writing all those letters!"
If it tastes good it'll kill you. When I see documentaries about history where kings and queens were poisoned I think, "That's mean, but I bet it tasted lovely."
If red meat is as bad as cigarettes maybe we need to treat it like smoking. Ban it in restaurants. You'd have to go outside to eat your steak.
I'm not going to worry about it. I don't smoke. I don't hang out near asbestos and I already cut back on how much meat I eat. That wasn't a health thing. Every time I try to make a bacon sandwich I get a mental image of David Cameron. Looks like someone in government can alter my eating habits after all.
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