Each week the Romford Recorder has the Steve Allen column. If you're in the Romford area you can buy the newspaper every Friday, or follow @mrstevenallen to see the columns on Twitter. You can also read the archive of past ones, which can be found here.
You can click the image to zoom in on the paper, or read the column below.
If you ever need to fill a radio show look for a survey. The news has loads of such statistical fun and most of it is harmless data about our favourite pasta or how many people have their toilet roll with the side you pull nearest the wall verses how many people have it the right way.
One piece of research this week was very offensive. A survey came out stating the average age Brits think you're too old to do certain things in life.
The survey said women are too old to wear mini-skirts when they reach the age of 39. It's like the ageist version of Family Fortunes. This survey of age discrimination also said you should stop wearing leggings by the age of 43 and skinny jeans at 47. By the age of 50 you might as well join a nudist camp as everyone seems to have an issues with anything you wear. This is one step towards living in Logan's Run.
Some of the results are harder to dispute. They say you shouldn't use text speak after the age of 36 and I agree. I also think you shouldn't use it under 36 too.
The survey says you shouldn't get a get a tattoo after the age of 38. Why? The EU remainers claimed that older people didn't have as much at stake in the future because of their age, surely that same logic means you getting a tattoo when you're older is less of a big deal. When I'm 90 I may get that neck tattoo I've always wanted. It won't be for that long and if I have to go for a job interview, because no one will retire by then, I can hide it under some wrinkles.