17/09/2016

[Newspaper Column] Dartford

Each week the Romford Recorder has the Steve Allen column. And now you can find it in the Ilford Recorder too. If you're around East London and West Essex you can buy the newspaper every Thursday/Friday, or follow @mrstevenallen to see the columns on Twitter. You can also read the archive of past ones, which can be found here.





You can click the image to zoom in on the paper, or read the column below.


Recent news may have included the best idea I have ever heard.

I don’t mean the plan to build a 4-metre high wall in Calais, which the UK has to pay for. I’ve heard we’ll raise the money by selling 5-metre long ladders to people near the boarder.

I am referring to Stephen Metcalfe MP’s suggestion that people who are delayed at the Dartford Crossing shouldn't have to pay the toll.

I’ve always hated that feeling of being delayed and paying for the privilege. It’s like tipping a middle-lane hogger or stuffing a twenty into the back pocket of one of those people who get to the top of an escalator and just stand there. If I wanted to waste hours of my life and pay for it I’d go to see a Kevin Costner film.

Mr Metcalfe said that still being charged to use the bridge after it’s held you up adds insult to injury. Knowing that we are still being charged to use a bridge we have more than paid for adds a flick on the forehead as well.

With flight delays and train delays it is relatively easy to workout who was affected but I don’t know how it would work on the motorway. The average speed cameras there workout how long it takes you to cover the distance on the approach but if someone took an hour break in the Thurrock services they shouldn’t get the crossing for free. Although, they might need the £2.50 to help repay the mortgage they would have take out to buy a coffee.

I think it would be easier to use the average speed cameras and work out which drivers haven’t been held up by the Dartford Crossing. And then send a bill to both of them.

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16/09/2016

Local Paper Review - 16-09-16

As part of the Afternoon Show, we look at some of the local papers in the Essex area, joined in the studio by guests from the Ilford Recorder and Romford Recorder. This week we mention a pub getting a revamp thanks to the efforts by a team of squatters and the local impact of boundary changes.

Edited down from the live radio broadcast into a podcast, you can listen back below.

There will be another episode broadcast on Friday at 2pm, and you can listen live here.



You can also download the mp3 here or subscribe to the RSS feed here. And it's now on iTunes.
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13/09/2016

The Loose Lads Interview [Podcast]

A special podcast from the show where I was joined by the guys behind a new TV show, Loose Lads.

We talk about the show, the launch night and the TV platform it's on.

Here's the podcast of it for you to download/listen. (Originally broadcast on Tuesday 13th of September 2016.)




Download the mp3.

     | Subscribe with iTunes | Subscribe via RSS feed | | |

Get the info on how to listen to the show live here.

To find more radio show minipodcasts see here.
All past episodes can be found in the radio podcast archive.
And if you enjoyed that check out the SomeNews Topical Podcast.



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Lengths You Went To To Pull [Podcast]

The last day of covering some breakfast shows and here's what we did. We asked about the lengths you have gone to to pull, we did a lot of shout outs, Larry talked about Mel B doing a pee and Erich had our TrumpWatch.

Here's the podcast of it for you to download/listen. (Originally broadcast on Friday 9th of September 2016.)




Download the mp3.

     | Subscribe with iTunes | Subscribe via RSS feed | | |

Get the info on how to listen to the show live here.

To find more radio show minipodcasts see here.
All past episodes can be found in the radio podcast archive.
And if you enjoyed that check out the SomeNews Topical Podcast.



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12/09/2016

Bestest Sci-Fi [Podcast]

Another day of covering the breakfast show and in this one Larry tells us about Katy Perry's problem with Orlando Bloom, we hear about the latest singer from Gogglebox and we find out which is the best sci-fi show ever.

Here's the podcast of it for you to download/listen. (Originally broadcast on Thursday 8th of September 2016.)




Download the mp3.

     | Subscribe with iTunes | Subscribe via RSS feed | | |

Get the info on how to listen to the show live here.

To find more radio show minipodcasts see here.
All past episodes can be found in the radio podcast archive.
And if you enjoyed that check out the SomeNews Topical Podcast.



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10/09/2016

Get Your Tats Out [Podcast]

Another day of covering the breakfast show and we look at tattoos, problems on the road and the latest entertainment news with Larry.

Here's the podcast of it for you to download/listen. (Originally broadcast on Wednesday 7th of September 2016.)




Download the mp3.

     | Subscribe with iTunes | Subscribe via RSS feed | | |

Get the info on how to listen to the show live here.

To find more radio show minipodcasts see here.
All past episodes can be found in the radio podcast archive.
And if you enjoyed that check out the SomeNews Topical Podcast.



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[Newspaper Column] Imperial

Each week the Romford Recorder has the Steve Allen column. And now you can find it in the Ilford Recorder too. If you're around East London and West Essex you can buy the newspaper every Thursday/Friday, or follow @mrstevenallen to see the columns on Twitter. You can also read the archive of past ones, which can be found here.





You can click the image to zoom in on the paper, or read the column below.


In radio nostalgia is an important part. People like to remember what they were doing when Whigfield's Saturday Night was in the charts way more than they like to actually hear Whigfield's Saturday Night.

A fondness for how things used to be may have been tied into the Brexit vote back in June. Months later there's a pressure group trying to bring back the old measures. They want shops to be able to sell things by the pound.

You can go into a shop and ask for a pound of apples, and they'll give you 0.45kg of apples, as long as that shop sells apples, so this is more of a protest against the metric system.

I'm torn because the metric system is mathematically superior but the imperial system has more style. No one even maliciously said, “You wanna watch her. Give her 2.54 centimetres and she'll take 1.61 kilometres.”

But there are so many old measurements that I don't think it's fair to try to bring back the ones you like without bringing back the other ones. Like a rod, that's 5½ yards. Or a Pole, that's also 5½ yards. And a Perch, that's 5½ yards. Wow, was everything 5½ yards long in the old days?

If you want to bring back the old measurements you have to be willing to serve me if I order an 8th of a bushel of corn flakes.

And what about the young people who have grown up with metres and litres? I had some calls to the radio show from young people and most didn't know what a furlong was. They thought an acre is when you've stubbed your toe.

I asked one what an ounce was. He said, “That'd cost you about £400.”

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09/09/2016

Travel Trouble [Podcast]

Another day of covering the breakfast show and, while we probably mention Keith Vaz in some way, Larry certainly has news from the world of entertainment, we talk soaps, Bond and other stuff too.

Here's the podcast of it for you to download/listen. (Originally broadcast on Tuesday 6th of September 2016.)




Download the mp3.

     | Subscribe with iTunes | Subscribe via RSS feed | | |

Get the info on how to listen to the show live here.

To find more radio show minipodcasts see here.
All past episodes can be found in the radio podcast archive.
And if you enjoyed that check out the SomeNews Topical Podcast.



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08/09/2016

Best TV Shows [Podcast]

I did a week of covering the breakfast show, and here's the first podcast from that. The Prisoner turned 50, we may have mentioned Keith Vaz in some way and Larry had news from the world of entertainment.

Here's the podcast of it for you to download/listen. (Originally broadcast on Monday 5th of September 2016.)




Download the mp3.

     | Subscribe with iTunes | Subscribe via RSS feed | | |

Get the info on how to listen to the show live here.

To find more radio show minipodcasts see here.
All past episodes can be found in the radio podcast archive.
And if you enjoyed that check out the SomeNews Topical Podcast.



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03/09/2016

[Newspaper Column] Mars

Each week the Romford Recorder has the Steve Allen column. If you're in the Romford area you can buy the newspaper every Friday, or follow @mrstevenallen to see the columns on Twitter. You can also read the archive of past ones, which can be found here.



You can click the image to zoom in on the paper, or read the column below.


Take a look around the next time you’re walking down the shops. You will see people looking at their mobile phones ignoring the world around them. It turns out they may be training for space flight.

NASA just finished a year long study where they locked some volunteers in a building and watched how they coped with isolation. It’s like a scientific version of Celebrity Big Brother but the difference with this is, at least someone was watching.

The intrepid implorers – I assume that’s the indoor version of an explorer. They might not like being called implorers but beggars can’t be choosers – were locked up for a year in Hawaii. We wouldn’t do that research over here. We’d lock them up for a year but probably let them out after a month for good behaviour.

They have come back out now and will probably spend the next few weeks catching up on things they’ve recorded. And think of all the news they’ve missed. Although catching up with the last year’s news is sadly lots of celebrity obituaries.

They were researching what would happen to humans if they lived on Mars. The planet. It wasn’t testing high sugar diets. If we were to colonise the Red Planet we’d be unable to go out and we would have to communicate only via electronic devices.

It’s an odd feeling when a multi-million dollar research project by NASA sounds like your social life.

If not going out and using the internet is the future of space travel I’m an astronaut. The activities we think young people do too much could be exactly the skills they need for the future multi-planet life.

And if we go to Mars and find the place infested with Pokemon all of that training will finally pay off.

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Local Paper Review - 02-09-16

As part of the Afternoon Show, we're looking into the content of some of the local papers in the Essex area. This week we mention the development of old buildings,dangerous dogs and swans.

Edited down from the live radio broadcast into a podcast, you can listen back below.

There will be another episode broadcast on Friday at 2pm, and you can listen live here.



You can also download the mp3 here or subscribe to the RSS feed here. And it's now on iTunes.
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[Newspaper Column] Self-scan Tills

Each week the Romford Recorder has the Steve Allen column. If you're in the Romford area you can buy the newspaper every Friday, or follow @mrstevenallen to see the columns on Twitter. You can also read the archive of past ones, which can be found here.



You can click the image to zoom in on the paper, or read the column below.


On my way back home from a stand-up gig, one thing I like about this area is the 24-hour supermarkets you can pop into. It saves a visit to a motorway services which can be a little on the expensive side. Post-Brexit I'm watching every penny.

If you've been in a supermarket that late you'll know you have to use the self-scan tills. I used to love them, it saved the awkward chit chat of getting served. They ask if you're OK with your packing, you say yes and they they take it as an invitation to bowl at you like you're Alastair Cook.

New research has shown that self-scan tills have turned us into a nation of thieves. The number of items that get nicked from supermarkets has doubled since the machines have been brought it.

Apparently it's the lack of human contact. In which case I've been in relationships where I'm amazed I didn't pilfer more.

I know nicking stuff from a self-scan wouldn't make a very good heist film. There'll never be a scene in a movie with George Clooney saying, ”OK, Rusty, you go in as the shopper.

Linus, you stand by him at the check-out making beep sounds, and Turk, you tie the helium balloons to the bagging area to counteract the weights...”

I have always believe that morals are innate, that we have a natural sense of right and wrong, but this means the only reason people don't nick stuff is that they don't want to get caught.

In the future, when machines are in charge, we'll be doing any crime we can get away with. Robocop lied to us.

Instead of going to late night supermarkets I may have to go back to motorway services, where the only robbery is in the prices.

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