27/12/2016

[Newspaper Column] Trains

Each week the Romford Recorder has the Steve Allen column. And now you can find it in the Ilford Recorder too. If you're around East London and West Essex you can buy the newspaper every Thursday/Friday, or follow @mrstevenallen to see the columns on Twitter. You can also read the archive of past ones, which can be found here.




You can click the image to zoom in on the paper, or read the column below.


There are many things that make me happy to be part of this local area. The people, the hopes for the future, the great radio show you can listen to in the afternoons. And now I can add to that list the trains.

Normally I am one to complain about public transport. No one enjoys being squashed into a metal box with strangers unless you're into that kind of thing, and why aren't schools these days teaching the meaning of the words “quiet carriage”? But I have to be grateful that we are not serviced by Southern Rail.

Yet more strike action led to the company saying customers were 'strongly advised to consider alternative methods of transport wherever possible'.

Bless them for trying to help but don't they realise, if someone had an alternative method of transport to one where you pay thousands a year to arrive at work late and smelling of the armpits of others they may have taken that option by now.

I was just about to send the Southern passengers a commiseration card when I saw the Post Office was going on strike too on the run up to Christmas, aka the only time you have to send anything in the post.

Kevin Gilliland, the Post Office's network and sales director, said, “It will be business as usual.” You know, when lots of people refuse to go to work and it doesn't affect your business, it not a good sign.

The only real difference is that some older folk won't have a queue to stand in and chat to strangers. So if that happens on the run up to Christmas go and get on a Southern train. They'll be back from striking then and the people you talk to won't be able to go anywhere.

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26/12/2016

Steve and Larry Special [Podcast]

As a Christmas special Steve and Larry joined forces for this look back at the entertainment news of 2016.

You can also hear Larry's Xmas special from last year here.

From Cheryl to Katy Perry, via nearly all of the Spice Girls and even the Royals, this is the best of celeb gossip for 2016.

You can get all the rest of Larry's work on his SoundCloud page here.




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To find more radio show minipodcasts see here.
All past episodes can be found in the radio podcast archive.
And if you enjoyed that check out the SomeNews Topical Podcast.

Have a very merry one and see you for more fun in the new year.

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20/12/2016

Honey G Interview [Podcast]

Another special episode, this time we talked to Honey G from The X Factor about the exerience of being in the TV, the press and the future music career and new single. Plus Steve raps.

Here's the podcast of it for you to download/listen. (Originally broadcast on Tuesday 20th of December 2016.)




Download the mp3.

     | Subscribe with iTunes | Subscribe via RSS feed | | |

Get the info on how to listen to the show live here.

To find more radio show minipodcasts see here.
All past episodes can be found in the radio podcast archive.
And if you enjoyed that check out the SomeNews Topical Podcast.



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10/12/2016

[Newspaper Column] Money

Each week the Romford Recorder has the Steve Allen column. And now you can find it in the Ilford Recorder too. If you're around East London and West Essex you can buy the newspaper every Thursday/Friday, or follow @mrstevenallen to see the columns on Twitter. You can also read the archive of past ones, which can be found here.


You can click the image to zoom in on the paper, or read the column below.


This week I’m in Austria performing my stand-up show.

I could talk about the election over here that nearly saw a far-right candidate in power. A lot of recent elections have gone to the right, the US election for example. And not just on a national level, Ethel is now in charge of my local neighbourhood watch and you do not want to get her talking about foreigners.

But there’s something else that strikes you when you’re aboard, how much you miss our money. Euros feel like fancy parking slips. There’s nothing quite like the good old British five pound note.

It’s always in the news. A while back I read that most fivers in London contain traces of cocaine. Isn’t it gross to think that the tatty old note has been up some chatty person’s nose?

The new five pound note is made from a polymer so you can wipe it clean, but even that note has been in the news.

One headline I saw read, “Have you got a fiver worth £20k?”

I read that I thought, “Wow. Just how much cocaine are on these things?”

Four special polymer notes engraved with a portrait of Jane Austen, by artist Graham Short, have gone into circulation. If you rub your finger over the £ sign it may appear.

Nice idea but stop turning our money into scratch cards. We have enough of a problem with gambling.

On top of all that we hear that the new note uses tallow in its production and therefore isn’t vegan-friendly. Of course it’s not, it doesn’t grow on trees you know.

If you wish to avoid animal by-products, gambling or drugs it’s best to avoid the £5 note. Send them to me. I’ll get rid of them for you.

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07/12/2016

SomeNews v3.0 - ep5 - Brexit Look Back

SomeNews podcast

It's the new SomeNews Podcast.

In the all new v3.0 of the SomeNews podcast Steve N Allen and Erich McElroy chat through the news and bring you a handy digest of the latest. This time we do a look back at the Brexit vote.





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05/12/2016

The Austrian Election

This article is being written in Austria. Yes, the SomeNews website reports live from the country that has just had an election. The journey here was fun, and you can read about that here.

With Brexit and then Trump it looked like Austria would be the next place with a right-leaning win.

Well, on a national level. I know there have been other elections where a right-wing candidate has done well. At my local bridge club Ethel is now in charge and you do not want to get her talking about migration.

And Scarlett Moffatt was voted Queen of the Jungle in the TV show I’m A Celebrity… Get Me Out Of Here! and she might hate the Dutch, we have no evidence to prove or disprove that claim at this moment.

However, Austria rejected far-right presidential candidate Norbert Hofer. For everyone who complains at just how bad 2016 has been we can now say to them, “What? You wanted the far-right in that part of Europe? That ends well.”

It wasn’t simply a matter of far-right vs centre-left, which is kind of the situation in America. It was far-right vs quite-far-left Alexander Van der Bellen.

What does it mean? Well, possibly is means the right isn’t sweeping Europe but with Norbert Hofer getting 46% of the vote it might not mean that. 46% is a high proportion. In America it’s just about enough to win.

Only time will tell. There’s been another important election in Italy which I might report on when I arrive in the next country I’m going to. Not Italy. Hungary. But come on, the SomeNews site isn’t made of money and Hungary is close enough.

All that’s left to do is to say congratulations to Alexander Van der Bellen and his supporters. Not only do they have an election victory, they also got a bulk-buy discount on glasses.

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The Flight To Austria

It's SomeNews on tour. The stand-up show is off to Vienna and Budapest and as we all know, what happens on tour stays on tour, and that means if the shows don’t go well no one will mention it here.

As a preamble to the live shows here in central Europe, to the coverage of the Austrian election on this site and also to an item about plane seat sizes that will be on BBC Radio Kent on Thursday morning (8:15am to 8:20am) this is a summary of the flight to get here via the medium of Twitter.

I arrived at the airport 2 hours before my flight which was then delayed by 2 hours. I took it all in good spirits till I finally sat in my seat. I was sat next to a man who was already in more of my seat than I was (there's an artist's impression on the right). I thought he’d budge up a little but no, he simply seemed annoyed that I sat there, on a full plane.

That’s where we pick up the story.





































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03/12/2016

[Newspaper Column] Fine Time

Each week the Romford Recorder has the Steve Allen column. And now you can find it in the Ilford Recorder too. If you're around East London and West Essex you can buy the newspaper every Thursday/Friday, or follow @mrstevenallen to see the columns on Twitter. You can also read the archive of past ones, which can be found here.


You can click the image to zoom in on the paper, or read the column below.


My show is no stranger to controversy. Last week I was held up in traffic on the way into the radio station and took to the airwaves to rant about the inconsiderate BMW driver blocking the road just off the A127. It turned out the driver, Danielle, was listening. That show was tense.

I often call out bad drivers on the show, which means I have upset some white van drivers in the past but this week saw a news story make me jump to one van driver's defence.

A man was given a £200 fine for not having a "no smoking" sign in his work van even though he doesn't smoke. This is health and safety gone mad.

I'm a non-smoker and as a comedian I performed in clubs before the smoking ban came in. I remember how the smell would linger on your outfit after each show, so I was glad to see it banned, but as a non-smoker I don't want to be surrounded by no smoking signs.

I know it's against the law to smoke in a vehicle if it is used for work but it's also illegal to rob people or evade tax but we don't have to put signs up for that.

The irony is, if the driver, a Mr Trevor Emery, was caught smoking in the van he would have received a £50 fine, but the fine for not having the sign reminding him not to do the thing he doesn't do anyway, was four times that.

So now he has to find the money to pay the bigger fine, and it's not like he can get the extra cash by cutting back on things like smoking, because he's a non-smoker!

It must be stressful for him. It's enough to drive you to cigarettes.

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