12/05/2017

Office Crimes

There is a crime that is touching the lives of many people. It is a crime that is going unreported. Its victims are often left visibly shaken. It may have happened to you or someone you know. That crime is office lunch theft.

New research has found that a third of workers have had their lunch stolen in the workplace. I’m self-employed and often work from home so if it happens to me it’s actually a home invasion.

31% of office workers have also had their favourite mug stolen, which goes to show how some people have no morals. At least you can put a label on your mug. You can’t put your name on your lunch as easily. If you sew name tags onto all of your sandwiches it would take ages. It’s quicker to simply change your surname to Ginsters.

Put your name on a mug at work and someone will still use it. That’s why I had a special mug made that says, “World’s Best Impetigo Sufferer”. No one has touched it since.

It’s not just food – if you buy milk it will magically disappear, leave a nice pen on your desk while you walk to the printer, you may never see it again – but it’s the theft of food that seems the most galling because there’s nothing you can do. You can’t call the police. They tell you to stop bothering them.

You have to take the law into your own hands. I started leaving a Post It note on my sandwich in the office fridge that read, “Steve’s food. Do not eat. I have licked this sandwich.”

The good news is, no one took my sandwich that day. The bad news is, they left another Post It that read, “So have I!”
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