The Final Goodbye to 2017

Just finishing up the paperwork for 2017, looking at the tax forms, etc. It seems like a good time to get this up online for future reference.

A Mini Review of 2017

What a year it has been.

Doctor Who

The year when we heard that Doctor Who would be a woman. We were told they'd announce the new Doctor at the end of the Wimbledon final. I got confused and thought it was Roger Federer, which I was not happy about. The last time there was a Doctor in sportsware it was Peter Davidson, and look what happened there.

Some people were upset that the Doctor is now a woman, but it's the same people who read the Express and get angry that everyone is going gender neutral these days, so you'd think they'd be happy.

Even that fish on Blue Planet changed gender, so it's very 2017.


Theresa May called a general election, sure that we'd strengthen her hand. It was like the political version of those YouTube clips where someone is so sure they can make the skateboard jump and end up cushioning their fall onto the railings with their intimates.

The election made Jeremy Corbyn a rockstar at Glastonbury, her performed on the folk stage. Old guy, well off, talks about helping the poor and performs at music festivals, Bono we don't need you anymore!


What a year for Trump news. In January he played golf. In February he played a lot of golf, in March, golf time. In April... well...

Best bit of Trump news was the video of Melania smacking his hand away when he reached out for her. Of course Sean Spicer said what the video didn't show is that just before Mr Trump had said, "Gimme some skin!"

At least Theresa May didn't smack his hand away when he grabber her. Still, she probably thought, "It's just the hand, it could have been worse."

Pie News

Greggs said it would start deliveries this year. Great news because walking into the shop really was burning off too many calories, so having food like that brought right to your door would really help us. Clever marketing plan, you offer that service till people get so big their can't fit through the front door and then they HAVE to order your deliveries. Smart.

The Sutton United Roly Poly Goalie lost his job in #PieGate. In his defence he said it wasn't a pie it was a pasty. The scandal was because there was a bet on if he'd eat a pasty or not and he did. It was effectively spot bet fixing. But come on, did you see him. It was so likely he'd eat a pasty at some point there couldn't have been good odds on that one.

You'd just get your stake back, which is what happens when he burps.


Earlier in the year we sent the letter to say we were leaving the EU, our Dear John letter, and since then it's been a nightmare trying to get to leave, it's like trying to leave a gym.

And good news, there is nothing in the detailed Brexit impact assessments to say we're in for a poor economic future. The bad news is, there's nothing else in the detailed Brexit impact assessments. It's just an empty envelope. At least the envelope at the Oscars said La La Land.

And we get blue passports back. So...

Royal Wedding

It started as rumours, was Prince Harry in a relationship? Who with? Meghan Trainor, Angela Merkel, the guy who played Urkel? It was Meghan Markle. An American. A royal fancying one of those hasn't gone well in the past but to be fair, it's risk for her too, we don't have a good reputation at treating royal spouses well. Divorced, beheaded, died... and she's already been divorced.

She spent the Christmas at Sandringham, and I think it was good of Harry to get her that waitressing gig. When you're in acting you have to do that. She's offer things to the royals, cracker? And then it'd get tense.

Money News

This year we got a new £10 note with a woman on it, Jane Austen. Andrea Leadsom described her as one of our greatest living authors. So someone had to have that difficult talk with Andres. Jane's gone to a farm, far away...

It's a polymer like to the new £5. So now if someone says, "Don't worry, I'll put it on the plastic..."

And the new £1 coin came out, which is a dodecagon, so this year was the first time many people used anything from GCSE maths.

And now people can say about a complicated argument, "Well, they're like 12 sides of the same coin."

And there was too much money going to the stars of the BBC. I sometimes dabble at the BBC, and I asked for a payrise, I said, "You do know I'm a bloke, right?" Still no news about that yet as we go into 2018.


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