No To Scottish Independence

There has been a lot of talk in the news about Scottish independence. Alex Salmond wants to have a referendum on independence, David Cameron wants him to have one, but Alex doesn't want to have it till 2014.

I agree. We shouldn't hold a Scottish independence referendum until after Andy Murray has finally won something. When we get a 'Brit' win Wimbledon you can do whatever you like.

I was always in favour of Scotland going its own way. They'll do well, we'll do well, and it technically means I'll be an international comedian the next time I do gigs at he Edinburgh festival. And the best thing about Scotland gaining independence is that we could finally stop having to hear all about Scottish independence.

David Cameron said he'd find a way to make this a legal referendum on independence. Alex Salmond said, "How dare you tell us that we can't legally have a referendum." David Cameron said, "I am saying you can legally have one, we'll help to make it happen." Alex Salmond said, "How dare you meddle in the politics of Scotland." David Cameron said: "Well, I am the Prime Minister of the UK, which still includes Scotland." And Alex Salmond shouted, "Freedom!"

Now, OK, most of that was loosely paraphrased but I think it captures the main points.

But I have been forced to change my mind. I can no longer endorse the separation of this great nation because I read that, if Scotland leave the UK, the Union Jack will lose its blue colour.

At the moment it's...

But without the blue bit from Scotland we'll be left with...

And that's rubbish. It looks like an airline logo. Without the mix of red, white and blue it's just not the same. For a start, if Geri Halliwell tries to wear a sexy but patriotic dress she'll look like Wally from Where's Wally.

If we see the end of the Union Jack I have some underpants that will start to look really dated.

If the blue and white St Andrew's Saltire is removed we'd be left with two red crosses, the St George's Cross of England and Ireland's Cross of St Patrick.

I suppose we should be fair and let the Welsh have the spare space. But that would give us...

I have to be honest, it's just more red. And now it looks more like a question on Catchphrase.

Contestant: "Is it Dragon Slides? Griffin eighths? Four monsters pens?"
Roy Walker: "It's good but it's not right."

We need something to break up the colour palette but if Scotland are so sure they don't want to be with us any more, what can we do about it?

Well, we can find another country that likes us, that might want to join us, and importantly, like Scotland, has banks that might need bailing out by us. And that's the answer, Greece. Because if we join up with Greece this would be the new flag...

Yeah, we could get used to that.

>Read the source story


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