28/08/2015

Ashley Madison's Data Fallout

Ah, Ashley Madison. It sounds like one of those American banks that caused the credit crunch but in reality it's far far worse.

I should explain what the Ashley Madison website is, because there are two types of people, those who don't know what it is and those who pretend they don't.

It's a website that was set up for people to have extra-marital affairs without going to the effort of using Facebook like normal people.

Hackers managed to get user data from the site and that data was dumped online, and being “dumped online” was probably something that happened to a lot of the users recently too.

The info has been downloaded, probably by Jeremy Kyle who now knows his next 6 series are sorted. Some people have said the accounts in their names were set up without their knowledge, some people have denied knowing about it, and in one case a user got his wife to set up her own email server and then wipe all the details – at least I think that explains why Hilary Clinton did what she did.

There were millions of users on this site, showing yet again that as soon as technology comes along we find a way to use it to help us bonk something. If medical nano-bots ever get invented they will mainly be used to help cure the clap.

The news story had some sad angles, there was a man who hit social media when he was filmed telling his GF that she was pregnant, but it turns out he was an Ashley Madison user, so now his GF doesn't know if the baby is hers.

Also, there was sad news when a couple of suicides were linked to the user data leak, which makes the Ashley Madison logo “Life's short. Have an affair.” seem a little ironic.

In another depressing twist the Ashley Madison user data has been analysed and it was discovered that most of the users were men. So only a few were women. They must've been some very busy women.

It was calculated that 95% of the women on the site were fake. And by that I mean they were fake accounts, not just people with hair extensions and nail gels. It was also found that, of the accounts that were made by real woman, most only logged in once.

So in reality Ashley Madison was a website where men who want affairs could chat to other men who want affairs and probably moan about their partners. So wives shouldn't be upset if their husbands were on this website, but local pubs should be furious.



You can see more about Ashley Madison live in Edinburgh for the next few nights in the "SomeNews Extra" shows, 11pm,Bar 50.
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