Cake Addiction, A Real Problem

Today we need to talk about a serious issue, and addiction that causes misery to many. As reported in a national newspaper, we hear about the disturbing case of cake addiction.

29-year-old Adam Williams found himself addicted to cake, or as they say on the street, Satan's Bake. He worked in a supermarket, so had easy access to score some Flour Power whenever he was Jonesing.

As with many addictions, the addict hid it well. His weight shot up to 15 stone, and he was probably claiming to have 27 birthdays a year, but other than that, no one could tell.

Adam's problem with Mr Kippling's Happy Loaf got so bad he eventually had to seek help. He went for hypnosis to help him stop his unhealthy Spongecake Square Pants habit.

Williams said: "I started to suffer severe migraines and I guess that was because of all the sugar, if it was withdrawn from my body I felt horrible."

That's how it gets you. The withdrawal gets so bad the next thing you know you're selling your arse in Soho for a slice of fondant fancy.

He added: "Then I went to a hypnotherapy clinic as a desperate attempt to lose the weight as nothing else had worked."

Thankfully Adam managed to beat his issue with the cake, or as they say on the street, Mary Berry's Bitch. But for thousands of others the story doesn't end so well.

If you have been affected by any of the issues raised in the item, try a salad.

>Read the source story


The Royle Family DVD Giveaway

The competition is now closed. The draw will take place shortly. Meanwhile, you can still join the mailing list to get free topical emails.

It's DVD give-away time.

Out now, you can buy the DVD of The Royle Family's Christmas special, an episode entitled "Barbara's Old Ring".

If you didn't see it on the TV, in this episode Barbara loses her wedding ring, Jim gets a scratch-card win, and Dave is still a big softy. And if you have seen it you'll already know why you want the DVD.

You know a TV show has reached the classic level when it only comes out at Christmas, like the eggnog. And the DVD has extra out-takes that you wouldn't have seen.

As you can see from the review of the Christmas special (below) I'm a big fan of The Royal Family, so I'm pleased to say they we have copies of the DVD to give away.

Sign up for the SomeNews eNewsletter between now and Feb 15th and you'll be entered into a draw to win a copy, all for free.

The draw will take place after the closing date, so get signed up.

Fill your email into the box below to enter...

Or click to visit the sign up page.

Don't worry, after the draw you can unsubscribe if you want. You can get all the details about the SomeNews eNewsletter here.

The DVD came out on January 21st, and if you can't wait to win, you can buy it now. Click here to get The Royle Family: Barbara's Old Ring [DVD]on Amazon.

The Royle Family – Barbara's Old Ring [Review]

For those of us who grew up in the north, The Royle Family is part comedy part documentary. A life that revolves around the smallest of details, where having a nice cup of tea is the best way to communicate in a family. The Royle Family has always been able to bring those memories back, but watching the show now also remains you of how old we must be. When a TV show you remember watching in your youth is now only on for Christmas specials, you're part of the establishment you used to fight.

Although this episode was originally planned to be out in 2011, it was worth the wait. It hits the ground running with one of the first sentences we hear being, "Jim. Would you stop knocking Nanna with your nuts." You know it's back on form.

I know some people who don't really get this show, and I've come to realise, it's not that the don't get the jokes, I think they miss them. The beauty of this show is about the acutely observed details of the ironic things people do. From the old northern male's obsession with MOT documentation to the way some people view the Pound Shops as decadence.

A big part of this episode looks at Joe, from next door, and his attempted to find a girlfriend. He puts an advert in the paper saying, "Vacant Lady Wanted", a punctuation error that's up there with "Eats, Shoots And Leaves".

This episodes also delivers what The Royle Family has always managed, moments of rare affection that can nearly bring a tear to the eye. For all Jim's idleness it's nice to see that he still really loves his missus.

If there's any criticism of this show it's that Jim only mentioned his "arse" once.

Don't forget to enter the draw above to win a copy.

And you can watch the trailer here...


Bird Poo Problem Finally Solved

Good news. Science is about to solve the problem of pigeon poo. Yes, we still have disease and famine in the world, but science can't deal with everything all at once.

For too long pigeons have been pooing on us, mocking us from the skies. If you have ever been a victim of a pigeon turd attack you'll know how bad it can be. Someone will say, "It's supposed to be good luck," but if that were true Nelson's Column would win the lottery every week.

As we know from the extensive work of Dastardly and Muttley pigeons are difficult to catch. But a project has been devised that saves the need. The plan is to feed the pigeons a specially-designed bacteria that will make the pigeons poo soap. Instead of making a mess everywhere the pigeons will be cleaning it up.

And there's nothing that could go wrong. If they don't use enough bacteria we won't notice the difference, and if they use too much pigeons will be flying around with a trail of bubbles coming out of their backsides, which will brighten even the saddest day.

It's not been tried yet, but if it works these pigeons could one day be used as pets. Keep a soapy pigeon in the bathroom and you'll never need to buy shower gel again. In fact the applications go further. If this works maybe it could move on to human trials. If humans could poo soap that guy in the nightclub toilets could finally deserve the pound coin tip he wants.

>Read the source story


Podcast 44 - High Street Fails, Snow and Happy Times

SomeNews podcastIt's the first SomeNews Podcast of 2013. Back from the Xmas, New Year & birthday break, fresh with some new stuff about the news.

In this podcast:

The UK High Street Troubles (starts 01:22)
Horse Burgers (starts 05:11)
Snow Problems (starts 08:05)
What Makes You Happy (starts 11:58)

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Sauna Burglar

This is worrying news for home security. In California, a burglar was caught moments after using the victim's sauna.

He was caught more than just red handed.

Robert London was chased by the home-owner and police found them wrestling on the driveway. That's the most surprising part of the story. If I found someone in my sauna, the last thing I'd want to do is wrestle them. All sweaty and such. If you bear-hugged them they'd shoot up like when you try to grab soap in the bath.

I don't know why, but if I spot a naked burglar I don't think I'd grapple with them. I'd like to think it's because I'd know they haven't nicked anything. Or rather, if they have, after where they've shoved it, I don't want it back.

>Read the source story


Fifty Shades of Every Bloody Thing

Since Fifty Shades of Gray made a big splash (consider rephrasing) it has become a marketing empire. EL James (the author not some Spanish bloke) has got the trademark on the term Fifty Shades and has brought out a range of merchandise. It's the marketing model that made Star Wars such a financial success. Only Fifty Shades won't bring out a light sabre that makes a humming noise. Although they'll have something very similar.

Other Fifty Shades items include a board game (roll a 6 and you DO go to jail), soap (to drop after you've rolled a 6?) and even marriage guidance ("Sometimes I feel like we don't really talk anymore." "I had a ball gag in!").

Three months after the original trademark claim EL put in a second application for a few items she missed. The first was sexual lubricant. How did she forget that?!  How do you remember the soap but forget the sexual lubricant? This was a trademark application, not packing for holiday.

The second thing she missed was even stranger; kitchen utensils. If you went round to another couple's house for dinner and they served you with their Fifty Shades spatula you'd spend the whole meal thinking about where it's been.

And when she says, "I'll just toss the salad," ...run!

>Read the source story

World's Oldest Yoga Teacher

The idea of holding a world record is appealing, especially when only last year we saw the Olympics. You'd think that having the title of a record holder would make you proud. But there's nothing like reading about some other random world record to really lower the value in that title.

We now have a new owner of the new title "World's Oldest Yoga Teacher". A Scottish lady who is 98 is now the world's oldest yoga teacher. Firstly, wow, someone in Scotland lived to that age. Secondly, wow, she does yoga. Any click or crack in that class any people will start to call an ambulance.

Connie Dennison is the OAP in question. She's an expert in yoga and still pretty good at it. Why not? She was probably around when it was invented.

She contacted the Guinness people after news came out that 
Canadian Ida Herbert, 96, was named as the oldest yoga teacher in the world. So Ida has lost the title. And that's the best bit of this story. Normally "World's Oldest" titles don't end this well. With every other world record you can lose it if someone is better than you, but with the world's oldest there's only one way out - dying. Ida gets the far more impressive title of "Former World's Oldest Yoga Teacher". Now that's a title to be proud of.

>Read the source story


Google - Don't Kill Donkeys

Google. It famously lives by the motto "don't be evil". Credit where it's due, so far they haven't invaded Poland, tried to kill Flash Gordon or sat there stroking a white cat.

But their evil credentials have been getting a boost of late. Recently they were grouped together with Starbucks, Amazon and Jimmy Carr for the tax schemes in the UK. But now... tut.

Google has had to deny claims that it killed a donkey. The Google Street View car was accused of being in a hit-and-run in Botswana. When you look at the pictures on Street View it looks like the car hit the donkey and left it for dead. Most people think that's disturbing. Tesco thinks that a waste. (Don't worry, I'm sure I'll cram even more Tesco references into this.)

In the pictures you can see a donkey, walking along a sand-covered road in Botswana, thinking, "Wow. This pleasure beach is way longer than the one I worked on in Blackpool."

google 4

Next thing, bump bump, and the Google car drives away from the donkey, with probably a small donkey sticker put next to 5 hedgehog stickers and a cut-out of a granny.


And then we see the Google car driving away, while in the distance the donkey lies in the road and its mobile phone received a text saying, "Our records show you have been involved in an accident."

google 2

Google has refuted such accusations, saying that the pictures actually go in the reverse order. In which case, Google has a magic car that drives round Botswana mending dead donkeys. How's that for not being evil?

Google suggested the donkey was "perhaps enjoying a dust bath" as its Street View car approached it. It stood up at the last minute and avoided being killed. So Google thinks the donkey was playing chicken?

And we're back to Tesco again.

>Read the source story


Horse Meat In Tesco Burgers

A Tesco beef burger walks into a bar, and the barman says, "Why the long face?" Because it's actually a horse burger. Hmm, satire.

Yes, horse meat has been found in burgers on sale in Tesco. The store that said, "Every little helps," used it's motto when it came to padding out beef burgers with other meats. In Tesco Everyday Value Beef Burgers, horse meat accounted for approximately 29% of the meat. That's shocking. If you've ever eaten Tesco Everyday Value Beef Burgers you'd be amazed there was any meat in the thing.

It's not just Tesco; Lidl, Aldi and Iceland were found to have burgers containing horse DNA when tested. I'm not sure why burgers were being tested for horse DNA but it must've been one heck of a Jeremy Kyle Show episode.

On the one hand, this is worrying because we're being lied to about what animal we're eating. On the other hand, I think I've worked out what happened to Shergar.

The supermarket announced that it was removing all fresh and frozen burgers from sale immediately regardless if they had been found to contain horse meat. But at the moment we don't know if any laws have been broken. Some foods are allowed to contain certain amounts of other animals. Loaves of bread are allowed to contain a certain percentage of field mice, jars of peanut butter are allowed to contain so many insects. So maybe beef burgers are allowed to contain so much horse. Although I once bought Tesco Everyday Value Beef Burgers and it didn't say on the label, "Allergy Advice: Product was prepared in an environment that may contain horse".

Don't get me wrong. I don't buy Tesco Everyday Value Beef Burgers very often. Certainly not everyday as the name recommends. Only when I'm really desperate. Just the other day I bought a few packs and as I cooked them I said, "I'm so hungry, I could eat a horse." As it turns out, I did.

>Read the source story


Mr Steve N Allen's Live Album Recording In London [Ended]

The show is over now, but come back to SomeNews.co.uk soon for details of the CD/mp3 of the gig that you can buy.

Come to the live recording of Mr Steve N Allen's comedy album. February 26th at 7pm at the Comedy Cafe Theatre, London.

The show "Steve Does Happiness" will be coming out on CD/download later in the year and you can be at the live recording. Get a ticket for £5 and you get a copy of the final album for free.

It's a show all about finding what's good in your life.

"I think the secret is to focus on the small victories in life, and that's why I'm not in charge of the military," - Steve

Buy your tickets now on this link and get cheered up with "Steve Does Happiness"

Plus, as part of a double feature you also get to see US comedian Erich McElroy's live CD recording.

So, get your tickets for the show today.


Aw, Poor Public Schools

Three private schools in Scotland could lose their charitable status. Which makes you ask the question, "Why do these schools get charitable statuses in the first place?"

When you think of a charity you think of helping those less fortunate. It's not like if these schools are no longer charities no one will be there to help the children of the well to do.

When you say, "Oh, I give a lot to charity," people think you're being altruistic, and not giving the money to the school you pay to send your kids too.

If these schools were really charities we'd see adverts on ITV2 during the day that go like this...

[We see a black and white picture of a young floppy-haired boy wearing a blazer.]
MVO: This is Nathan. He wants to be a city banker, but he doesn't know where his next Latin lesson is coming from. With your help we can give Nathan the classical education he needs.
[We see Nathan getting a wedgie from the bigger boys.]
MVO: Just £5-a-day can help Nathan to one day become an inconsiderate BMW driver who'll cut you up. Teach a man a trade and he can feed himself every day. Teach a man to make the right friends in the old boys' network, and he'll never need to really do a days work again.

Fettes College and St George's School for Girls, both Edinburgh, and St Columba's School in Kilmacolm, Renfrewshire, have failed the regulator's charity test and been warned they must do more to help pupils from low-income families.

Of course they don't help low-income families, they help the rich. If a school gets charity status the parents of the children going to those schools can make donations which can be used to reduce their tax bill. Such donations can also keep the official payments for that school lower than they would be otherwise.

So the rich parents can buy their children a head start in life and get to pay less tax in the process. And it's that tax that would go to the state to really help low-income families. It's a tax fiddle and it's wrong.

Says the man writing this in a Starbucks.

>Read the source story


Your Police Are In The Post

The Evening Standard tells us that some police services are moving into Post Offices. People don't like changes to the police and always look at the down sides. But I like to be positive. At least the number of Post Office robberies should plummet.

The more I read the more that feeling of positivity left me. The plans mean you can report things like minor crimes and hand in documents if required to do so. It won't be the police you're dealing with. You won't be reporting a crime to a police officer, you'll be telling a Post Office worker and that is not the same. In America they have police who swear to protect and serve, in the UK we have Post Office staff who can't even be arsed to do the serve part.

And the queues. If you need to report a crime you'll have to take the day off. If you have to present your driving licence within 7 days of an offence you will have to start queuing on day 4.

Don't get me wrong, there are benefits. At the moment when you report that your car has been stolen you can't pick up some stamps while you're at it. And stamps are handy as you won't be driving round to visit people, at least you can say hi in a letter.


[Radio Minipodcast] 9th Jan 2013 - Tubes, Birthdays and Tom McFly

I covered a show on commercial radio, and here are some of the best bits. It was broadcast on Wednesday 9th of January 2013.

In the minipodcast we hear from listeners about their favourite Tube station on the London Underground, Tom from McFly's wedding and that problem of the onesie.

To find more radio show minipodcasts see here.

Download the mp3

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Keep It In The Family

Two twin brothers in America have been arrested after they could not agree who should have sex with their shared girlfriend.

If I had a pound for every time I've read that. OK, mainly in my own porn fiction that I write and submit to websites, but still.

In Manchester, Connecticut, Aric Ryan Hale and Sean Peter Hale had an open relationship with the woman, aged 27. She didn't realise that she was dating two men? But surely she should've guessed. Her boyfriend always had energy. He looked like he was really listening when she told him about how the women she works with were rude to her, even when he was being told it for a second time. And he was ready for a second round of sex after a quick trip to the bathroom with an open window.

As it turns out, she did know. She was dating both twins at the same time. She certainly has "a type". Sean wanted to have sex with their girlfriend. He asked Aric to leave, only for his request to be refused. So they came to blows. Shame they had a row, because it sounds like it would've come to blows one way or another.

The girlfriend admitted to police that she is sexually involved with both brothers, and that who she's with depends on "who she chooses to be with that particular day". What a great plan, and if there's an accident and she get's pregnant, not even a Jeremy Kyle DNA test would work out who the father is.

>Read the source story


Colin Trevorrow on Safety Not Guaranteed [Interview]

After seeing the film Safety Not Guaranteed and loving it, I got the chance to meet the man who directed it. Colin Trevorrow came to London, and I got to ask him about this film and the reports that he'll be doing the remake of Flight of the Navigator.

Watch the video below to see what he said...

See it on YouTube

And you can read my review of Safety Not Guaranteed here.

[Radio Minipodcast] 8th Jan 2013 - Cups, Signs and Tats

I covered a show on commercial radio, and here are some of the best bits. It was broadcast on Tuesday 8th of January 2013.

In the minipodcast we hear from listeners about their favourite mug to drink from, the warning signs that should be added to life, and something about tattoos.

To find more radio show minipodcasts see here.

Download the mp3

     Subscribe with iTunesSubscribe via RSS feedSubscribe with Yahoo

Warning, Don't Put Clothes On Barbecue, Duh!

Best headline I've seen on the Internet today is: "Grandmother uses barbecue to dry clothes, six family members poisoned"

That conjures up such an imagine. She had her smalls on the barbecue, they wanted to eat, the next thing they're stood their chewing thinking, "This hotdog tastes a lot like pants."

But that's not the way it happened. She wanted to dry her clothes quickly, so she lit the barbecue indoors, put her wet items on there and let it kick out carbon monoxide into the house. She then left the house.

What? If you have gone to the effort of lighting a barbecue (and as a man who takes charge of such matters when the weather is right, it can be hard to light them) you might as well do yourself some sausages. Don't just leave it.

I know she wanted clean clothes but that could've been much worse. The whole family has been treated and discharged from hospital. But it could've caused a house fire. If you go out and come home to see your house on fire, you'll need at least a clean pair of pants.

Christine McGourty, of the 'Carbon Monoxide - Be Alarmed!' campaign, said: "Using a barbecue indoors is always dangerous."

No kidding. So don't try to dry your clothes on a barbecue indoors. Or if you do, try for a while, fail to get it lit and end up putting your clothes in the oven like you have to do with food every summer.

>Read the source story


Agonise Podcast: Three and Easy Sex Not for Me

In the Agonise podcast Mr Steve N Allen and Ria Lina look at letters sent into newspapers' problem pages and give a more honest answer than any agony aunt could.

This episode features a letter from a woman whose friends are trying to talk her into being the third wheel on their sex trike (yep, I'm good at this dirty talk, as you can see). To find out more, listen below.

Download the mp3.

     Subscribe with iTunesSubscribe via RSS feedSubscribe with Yahoo

Hear all the Agonise podcasts here

Kate Middleton's Biscuit Cure

File under: Yet more news about the fact that the Duchess of Cambridge is pregnant.

Apparently Kate Middleton has been eating lavender shortbread biscuits to help with her acute morning sickness. Well, isn't she just little miss perfect. Firstly, even her morning sickness is cute, and secondly, lavender shortbread biscuits? That means when she farts it's like a Glade plug-in going off.

I didn't realise but lavender has long been used as an anti-nausea remedy, although pregnant women are usually advised to administer it in the form of a few drops of oil in the bath. So instead of taking it in the usual way she has it baked into a cookie. Looks like she's been taking advice from Harry.

According to the newspapers it wasn't Harry who gave her the advice, it was her hubby's stepmother, the Duchess of Cornwall, who is known to be a fan of lavender biscuits.

And sugar cubes.

And do you know who makes these lavender shortbread biscuits? They're Prince Charles's Duchy Originals. She's eating her father-in-laws biscuits. She really has everything handed to her on a plate now.

The newspaper also listed other things that are good to prevent morning sickness, which included ginger tea, lemon balm, peppermint and nuts.

They're right. If you have a pair of nuts you aren't going to be the one who suffers from morning sickness.

>Read the source story



Rihanna Snapped By The Paps

Here's an interesting thing. When pictures of Kate Middleton topless on a balcony were taken it was big news. The world's press covered it, 24-hour rolling news stayed on the story for hours, and the public was shocked.

This week nude pictures of Rihanna on a balcony in Barbados came out. And no one was remotely surprised.

I only saw this story on the web, 24-hour rolling news couldn't give a crap, and the public would've been more surprised if she was wearing a big woolly jumper.

It just goes to show, it's not about the pictures, it's about the person. Photos taken with a long-distance lens lose their impact when they're of a woman who often tweets close ups of her own near-nudity.

She's posted so many rude pictures on Instagram. Nude pictures on Instagram look weird. The photos looks like it's from the 70s but the pubic hair really doesn't.

How can this news story teach us something? Well, if the Royal family want to make sure the newspapers won't print any future pictures of a topless Kate Middleton, just make sure she Instagrams lots of rude ones.

I'm here to help.

>Read the source story


Fat vs Fit

New science says that being overweight can extend life rather than shorten it. That's great news. After Christmas it looks like I might live forever.

Carrying some extra pounds can keep you alive longer. That means my personal trainer has been effectively trying to kill me. That's out of order. Oooh, I could kill him... but he's way fitter and stronger than me, so I won't bother.

It means that all those thin people who look down on the rest of us have lost their moral high ground. Now if you want to get fit you have to admit that it's not about getting healthy, you just want to look good when you get your kit off.

The study shows that people who are modestly overweight have a 6% lower rate of premature death from all causes than people of ideal, "healthy" weight.

All causes is a big list, and I assume it's in the "unlikelier" part of the list when the big people start to do better than the thinnies. Like "death by falling down a cattle grid" or "being blown away in a strong wind". Or even a general "snapping". The thin people are far more likely to succumb.

More common deaths are probably thwarted by fatness too:

Suffering a fall = more likely to bounce
Stabbing = less likely to reach organs
Drowning = more buoyant
Starvation = Well, duh!

>Read the source story

Harry Styles Gets Granny Sex Advice

Harry Styles, from One Direction, has admitted his grandmother gave him the birds and the bees talk, back in November.

A granny talking about sex? Wayne Rooney would flipping love it.

I don't know what it was like but I hope it want along the lines of, "You meet a girl, you start courting for a few years, get married, and none of that funny business."

Harry said in an interview: "My grandma gave me one three weeks ago."

My word, I hope he sex just the talk. I know GCSEs these days are more about practical learning but you can take that too far.

Harry said, "It was just too much. I was like 'You can just stop there!'"

Which was also probably her advice on contraception.

Whatever her sex advice was, I hope he listened. At the moment he's just know for One Direction. And you need more than just one for some good sex.

>Read the source story


New Speed Limits For The UK

The newspapers reported that some councils could drop speed limits to 20mph. It's one of those topics where you can't argue against it, because if you do, all someone has to say is, "But if it saves just one life..." and they have won. If someone brings up the concept of one person dying, emotionally everyone thinks they're right. But why don't we follow their argument through? If dropping the speed limit to 20mph will save lives, why don't we drop it to 10mph? Or 1mph? That will say even more lives.

"Well, now you're just being ridiculous," they'll say. "But if it saves just one life," you can retort.

In the same report we heard that the Government is "backing away" from their plans to increase the speed limits on motorways to 80mph.

All those sci-fi films where they showed the near future, with cars zooming along at 200mph, lied to us. Computers get faster, planes get faster, even humans at the Olympics get faster. But for some reason, as society and technology develops, the cars are getting slower.

Motorway driving is actually some of the safest driving you can do. All the cars are going in the same direction. Thanks to the two carriageways you can't have a head on collision, and the number of accidents on the M-roads are much lower per mile than the A-roads. So, why don't they increase the speed limit to 80mph? Well, if it saves just one life... Right?

However, motoring organisations have tried to come up with arguments against it. They have said the 20mph speed zones could make exasperated motorists drive badly, which could lead to more accidents. Here's a top tip that will solve that problem. If you're driving behind someone who is doing 20mph, don't drive into the back of them. It seems simple when I've told you the answer.

Some people are saying that the councils want to lower the speed limits because it will bring in more in speeding fines. While they may be true in some cases, there are certainly some roads that deserve a safer speed limit. Dropping speed limits in certain areas "at certain times" makes sense. Any road near a school should be a 20mph road, as you can never be sure if a child is going to run out into the road. But if you're driving along that road at 1am, you should be allowed to be 30mph. If there's a child leaving the school at that time, they clearly had such a long detention they're wrong 'uns.

The answer to this, as with so much in life, is to be reasonable. Don't use an emotional response, think about it rationally.

Oh, and if it saves just one life... it's not a very efficient improvement is it?

>Read the source story

Man Returned From The Dead, Then Gets Dumped

What do you have to do to impress a woman? I ask because there's news from Slovakia of a man who returned from the dead, and his wife still didn't want him back.

In her defence, the vows say "till death do us part", and she'd kept her side of the bargain. Read the small print, buster.

47-year-old Igor Faber disappeared while on a hike in the Tatra mountains near his home in Poprad, Slovakia, in 1993. After months of searching he was presumed dead.

But he was recently found, which shows something. If you rise from the dead after a few days people think you're the son of God, but if you drag your heels for 19 years you're just a loser.

As it turns out (spoiler alert) he never actually died. He had secretly walked out on his wife and children to start a new life. He was found living in a homeless shelter in Prague during a routine check for missing persons.

Being walked out on must be terrible, but being walking out on to live in a homeless shelter is a real slap in the face.

His former wife Renata refused to take him back when she was contacted by the police, for some unfathomable reason.

She said: "How can I take him back after all this time? Life has moved on. The children have a new father, I have a new husband. If he couldn't be bothered to contact us, then I don't see why I should change my life again. Clearly he didn't want us, so now we don't want him."

You go girlfriend. Plus, if he's come back from the dead he's technically a zombie. So if you see him again, aim for the head.

>Read the source story

Happy New Year!

A Happy New Year from SomeNews.co.uk

Over the last year it's been fun writing news items, podcasts and even live shows about the news. We've seen an increase in web traffic, more listeners to the podcast, and even more subscribers to the free e-newsletter.

So what does 2013 hold? Well, more of the same. We'll keep trying to cover more news, more strange stories and more front pages. And SomeNews will be bringing together more podcasts, the official SomeNews one, the Agonise podcast, and maybe a few more (details to come on those).

The SomeNews Live Show will be at the Leicester Comedy Festival, and possibly some other festivals through the year.

Before we get too far away from 2012, you can listen to the podcast review of the year...

...and read the round up for the news in the monthly reviews of 2012.


Thanks for reading SomeNews, and have a happy 2013.



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