31/12/2024

Happy New… Easter?!

somenews
Congratulations you have made it through 2024 and it wasn’t the easiest of years. If you didn’t end up in prison for tweeting or being release from prison to make space you were one of the lucky ones.

As we look towards 2025 I find myself wondering what people will be angry about this time. They always are.

It seems that Easter eggs have already wound people up. There was outrage online, but isn’t there always, when some shops were seen displaying Easter eggs already.

I don’t know when Easter is meant to fall this year. I don’t understand the algorithm. Most other event days have a set date but Easter falls on the first Sunday after the full moon after you solved a riddle and buried some magic beans or something.

Even without knowing when Easter is going to be exactly I am fairly sure that having eggs in the shops now is a little early.

Normally we complain that Christmas is getting earlier every year and now so is Easter. At this rate it won’t be long till next Christmas starts during this Christmas and it will feel in sync for a while.

If you feel yourself joining in with this anger there is a really easy trick you can use to feel better. Just ignore it.

It’s not actually Easter that’s starting now. All that has happened is theme chocolate bars have hit the shelves. You can eat chocolate whenever you want. You can eat chocolate “Easter” eggs in January just as you can have an After Eight mint at midday.

You can also eat chocolate after the stated period. I was on holiday in the UK once. During a bike ride I popped into a village local shop and bought a Cadbury Fuse bar. It was only when I got home I remember they’d been discontinued in 2006.

I was chatting with someone who works for one of the offending supermarkets and they revealed that the shipments of festive eggs were delivered in November. If anything the shops have shown great restraint in waiting till after Christmas before putting them out.

If you are offended on some level that includes religious values and chocolate snacks, you could simply not buy any till we are near mid-April.

We are practised at becoming offended when we see something we don’t like. People complain about TV shows they don’t like the sound of, they take offence when something is worded badly and now they get irate at snacks.

My one wish for 2025 is that we learn to not get upset. If you disagree I’m sure you’ll tell me on X.

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24/12/2024

Research This Government Waste

somenews
As some people struggle without their winter fuel allowance, reading that the Government is wasting far more money than they save from those cuts may make you angry. Hopefully that rage will help you keep warm.

The Taxpayers’ Alliance claims that £6 billion were wasted on pointless research projects. UK Research and Innovation, a government quango, has distributed that money to help universities answer various questions.

Without research we wouldn’t know vital information that could be the foundation of Government policy. It all sounds very worthy until you read about some of the research projects our tax money has bankrolled.

£200,000 of taxpayers’ cash was spent on a study into the environmental impact of Star Wars. I know there’s a scene in the original film that takes place in a trash compactor but it doesn’t seem to be the biggest issue facing humanity. If you add to that the fact that Star Wars is fictional it seems like a waste of money.

Maybe they’re thinking about all the plastic that went into making the merchandise and after the prequels came out many fans would have thrown their collections away. That would have ended up in landfill.

That money pales into insignificance when compared to £1.7 million of our money spent on a research project called Decolonisation, Appropriation and the Materials of Literature in Africa and its Diaspora.

Whoever commissioned that will need to spend a few more thousand to find out what that title even means.

£811,000 went on research into how the sustainable lifestyle of Romani Gypsy communities can help combat the environmental crisis. Even when the results are in, what can you do with that information? Recruit more?

If you want to test if research is worth doing, simply ask yourself, “Would a local radio DJ read this out on air?” From my years in broadcast I have found loads of pointless research in the newspapers to turn into a phone in. I can already imagine me saying, “Which recycling bin would you put C-3PO in?”

I happened to discuss this topic with Kirsty Buchanan, a former adviser to Theresa May, when we were both guests on a current affairs show. She is someone who was active in Government when this kind of research would have been commissioned. She said that while some research projects sound spurious much of what is looked into is important and useful when making policy. She also questioned whether the figure of £6 billion is accurate.

How will we ever find out? I suppose we could ask the Government to commission some research into it. I’m sure they have some money to waste on it.

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04/12/2024

An Actual Safe Space

somenews
Labour had promised to get migration down, smash the gangs and reduce the number of hotel rooms being used to house asylum seekers. A quick check in will tell us migration is high, 20,000 asylum seekers have now crossed the Channel since Labour came to power, and the number of hotel rooms being used has increased. So, what's the plan for the civil servants in charge? Work even harder? Don't be silly, you brute. They are to be given a 'well-being room'.

It's to help with their mental health and anxiety. But its grand opening was moved from a Monday as most civil service staff are working from home on Mondays. I thought that was done for your mental health and anxiety?

A staff email said, "Whether you’re feeling stressed, a little anxious, or just need some alone time, the new well-being room is here for you."

What you have to love about this idea is that it is a room that you can go in on your own, close the door and that will stop other people going in with you. It has a border and that border can be closed. It is controlled. These are new ideas for the Home Office.

It also says, "Equipped with furniture and kitchen point facilities, it has what you need to take a break from your desk."

But your desk is equipped with a computer and a phone and the ability to get some work done.

I'm all for having great mental health and no anxiety and I am also all in favour of people getting their jobs done, especially when they're at work. That room could be used in a better way. It has a kitchen and a place for a little nap. Sounds like it could house someone while they're waiting for their asylum claim to be processed. There you go, I reduced the hotel numbers by one. This is easy.

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