22/02/2019

Podcast ep73: Sue Parents, Drone Swarms and Seaborne Freight

Yep, a podcast.

The Friday night show on BBC Radio Kent that reviews the week's news is now a podcast too. Edited highlights are packaged up into pod-form for you listening pleasure and it's free.

In this week's episode, S01E73, drone technology gets a really useful use, there's a man suing his parents and you probably won't believe why, and Seaborne Freight, the ferry company that doesn't have any ferries lost a ferry contract. Shocker.

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20/02/2019

The Labour Defectors

Do you remember where you were when it happened? The seven Labour MPs who split from the party caused the biggest upset in British politics since the last one which was probably to do with Brexit and was probably only last week. It caught on and has taken more MPs with it.

It was like watching the press conference where we heard Take That were splitting up or like hearing the devastating news that Geri was leaving the Spice Girls.

It was also confusing, because it seems the issue is the seven who left were the kind of Labour MPs who’d fit the old way Labour was when it was called New Labour, but now the newer version of Labour is more aligned with the old Labour which was older than New Labour.

No wonder they left.

It was all slightly undercut by the BBC who left someone’s mic on during the press conference. You can find the clip on my Twitter feed. While the MPs were telling us how they were starting solo careers to release a new single (that may have been the Geri one I’m thinking of) we could hear a man giving a very sweary commentary. It was like I’d pressed the Red Button and got Gordon Ramsay’s take on things.

The voice over said, “Between this and Brexit we’re...” and then he said something that needs bleeping.

It’s not the first time Labour have struggled with mics being left on. We all remember when Gordon Brown called Gillian Duffy a bigoted woman after she had said to him, “All these Eastern Europeans, where are they coming from?”

I don’t know if she was a bigot but she certainly wasn’t a phone-a-friend if you have a Geography question.

Where does the Labour Party go from here? I don’t know, why not ask Gillian Duffy for directions?
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15/02/2019

Podcast ep72: Ooohs and Aaahs, Neighbourhood Watch and the Case of the Missing Hawk

Yep, a podcast.

The Friday night show on BBC Radio Kent that reviews the week's news is now a podcast too. Edited highlights are packaged up into pod-form for you listening pleasure and it's free.

In this week's episode, S01E72, the case of the missing hawk (although it's not missing anymore) experts look at the oohs and aaahs sounds that people make and it all kicked off over the Neighbourhood Watch.

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The Bed Issue

Ford are making a “smart bed” that can detect when someone is taking more than their fair share of bed space and then it can tilt to roll them back. This is probably good news for divorce lawyers everywhere.

The problem comes down to human nature. We expand to occupy the space available. It’s true of the planet and our own homes. I have watched enough episodes of Tidying Up with Marie Kondo to know that no one ever has an empty cupboard or drawer. Do you? Of course you don’t.

The same issue happens in bed. As soon as your partner gets out and you deploy the starfish it feels so good.

Put two people in a bed and they both want to starfish. And so the battle begins.

Everything would be fine if we could split the bed 50-50, a two-state solution, but that never seems to happen.

I’m a big lad, 6’2” and certainly not what doctors calls skinny, or even healthy for that matter. I think I could make a strong argument for a greater that half share of the bed territory.

That never seems to cut it with my other half. Actually, seeing as I call her that I have just ruined my own point. She goes to bed earlier and has the “I was here first” argument. I have woken balanced on the edge of that bed like a circus act.

Both sides of a relationship want more that 50% of the bed. So a bed that polices the issue seems like it would solve it. Harmony at last?

You try telling your partner you want to spend thousands of pounds on a new bed because you think they’re hogging it.

You’ll get half of the bed. And half of everything else in the settlement.

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08/02/2019

Podcast ep71: Facetime, Posh Voices and Vampire Shoppers

Yep, a podcast.

The Friday night show on BBC Radio Kent that reviews the week's news is now a podcast too. Edited highlights are packaged up into pod-form for you listening pleasure and it's free.

In this week's episode, S01E71, there are problems with Facetime, there's bad news if you have a posh voices and the future of retail isn't as bad as we often here and it's all thanks to Vampire Shoppers.

Subscribe to the podcast now to get it free every week.




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P.S. The new eBook is out now. Lasted Another Year is only 99p on Amazon, so get it now.





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Neighbourhood Watch

Someone has upset the Neighbourhood Watch. It wasn’t me. They haven’t spotted what I have been up to yet.

It was comedian David Mitchell who wrote a newspaper column saying that the Neighbour Watch are only useful for spotting low-level crime. He said they’d only catch a mafia boss 'if he plays music too loud at Christmas party'.

I for one am going to defend the Neighbour Watch. If a mafia boss is playing music too loud at a Christmas party I’m glad they’re going to say something because I wouldn’t. You’ll wake up with a horses head in the wrong recycling box outside your house.

The Neighbourhood Watch chief executive – yep, they have one – John Hayward-Cripps has hit back saying Watch toolkits 'tackle human trafficking and terrorism'.

Yeah, if it wasn’t for Navy Seal Team 6 it would have been the Watch that got Bin Laden.

It has a reputation for being an excuse to curtain twitch, to make people feel better for being nosy, but John says that’s “lazy stereotyping” of his 2.3 million members. And he should know. If anyone if an expert at lazy stereotyping, it’s someone who thinks they can judge what other people are up to.

It’s hard to know if it works. When I see those This is a Neighbourhood Watch Area signs I always think to myself, “I’d love to nick that.” But I never have, so maybe there’s something in this.

One way to measure its success. Since starting a Neighbourhood Watch have you noticed more suspicious behaviour?

I have. A lot of people on my street spend all stood by the windows, looking out and making notes. I’m not sure if they’re waiting for a secret delivery or a visit from someone dodgy but it’s all very suspicious if you ask me.

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