15/02/2019

The Bed Issue

Ford are making a “smart bed” that can detect when someone is taking more than their fair share of bed space and then it can tilt to roll them back. This is probably good news for divorce lawyers everywhere.

The problem comes down to human nature. We expand to occupy the space available. It’s true of the planet and our own homes. I have watched enough episodes of Tidying Up with Marie Kondo to know that no one ever has an empty cupboard or drawer. Do you? Of course you don’t.

The same issue happens in bed. As soon as your partner gets out and you deploy the starfish it feels so good.

Put two people in a bed and they both want to starfish. And so the battle begins.

Everything would be fine if we could split the bed 50-50, a two-state solution, but that never seems to happen.

I’m a big lad, 6’2” and certainly not what doctors calls skinny, or even healthy for that matter. I think I could make a strong argument for a greater that half share of the bed territory.

That never seems to cut it with my other half. Actually, seeing as I call her that I have just ruined my own point. She goes to bed earlier and has the “I was here first” argument. I have woken balanced on the edge of that bed like a circus act.

Both sides of a relationship want more that 50% of the bed. So a bed that polices the issue seems like it would solve it. Harmony at last?

You try telling your partner you want to spend thousands of pounds on a new bed because you think they’re hogging it.

You’ll get half of the bed. And half of everything else in the settlement.

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