[Video] Topical Comedy Steve - Bits of CSP S02E16 - Tiers and Bum Smuggling

Catch up with some of the news of the week with this topical comedy show. It's from the Comics Solving Problems web series.

In this episode it's the three-tier system of the UK that gets unpicked a news on how to smuggle gold.



6 in 10 Want a Circuit-Breaker

Six in ten people want us to have a circuit-breaker lockdown. This is according to a new survey in the UK, which might not be that accurate. There must be people who totally love to stay at home, so they’d be up for another lockdown and they’re unlikely to have been stopped in the street by someone with a clipboard. So it could be even higher than six in ten.

The survey says people with rather have a short, sharp shock than the current situation where England has split into areas in three different tiers of COVID lockdown.

Those against a circuit-breaker claim that it would simply delay the inevitable. That’s a good move if we are close to a vaccine, but an extra 28 days isn’t enough to get us the cure. If that were the case we could talk the scientists into pulling some double shifts and not taking any holidays.

If we hold back the winter spike by a month we could see more problems happen around Christmas. Already some people are saying Christmas will be cancelled this year. That’s only bad if you like your in-laws. There could be many people who would be grateful of a Yuletide lockdown. Six in ten, maybe.

It’ hard to know if we are in a worse situation than before the main lockdown. We have far more detected cases but back then we were only testing people who presented with symptoms. We’re now testing more people so you’d expect to see more official cases.

The steep increase in cases since we started wider testing is the worrying stat. Would the circuit-breaker be good? We could wait to see what happens in Wales.

In Wales they are currently doing a firebreak. I am not sure if there’s a difference between a circuit-breaker and a firebreak. Maybe the got a focus group and found that a firebreak sounds sexy but a circuit-breaker sounds like the kind of thing that annoys you when you’re trying to mow the lawn.

If it helps Wales maybe we should do the same. But if it brings the infection rate down in Wales, what is more likely is that the restrictions will be eased and loads of people from England will go there and cough a lot.

While six in ten might be thinking of what’s best for everyone, that’s means four in ten are all about themselves.



Is It Time To Panic Buy Yet?

 Have you done your panic buying yet? I do most of mine online, and spread it out over a few weeks.

Last week some shops asked people not to panic buy. That was probably the worst thing they could do. As soon as you hear that you think, “Does that mean other people are panic buying? I don’t want to be left behind, I’d better pop to the shops for a quick panic buy.”

The cynical part of me wonders if some shops are hoping for a little run on some products to boost their sales figures. If they’re struggling to shift a certain item, issue a press release asking people to not panic buy it all, and they’ll sell more. It’s the only reason I have so many tins of sardines in. I don’t even like sardines.

I thought we learned from last time. When the original lockdown came in a lot of us bought more than we needed. The most highly sought-after product in March was the humble loo roll.

We all saw the news reports of some corner shops charging exorbitant prices for a roll. With the price of toilet roll going up and the pound going down, put it this way, it’s a good job they got rid of the one-pound note.

I didn’t think I was a panic buyer but even I felt the urge to pick up some spares if I was near the shops. You don’t need too many details here but I haven’t had to buy any more toilet rolls since then.

Given that we have so recently been through a panic buying pandemic I expected better from us. The fact that we still have items from the first surge tells us we don’t need to do it. We saw images of people working long shifts for the NHS, saving people’s lives, going to the shops on the way home and not being able to buy the bare essentials.

No one wants to see that again and we can surely remember that we don’t have to be selfish in the shops. It doesn’t stop some. I saw a picture of a woman leaving a supermarket with bags of pasta and around 128 rolls. That looks like the picture of someone who doesn’t know they’re gluten intolerant.

If I can’t say not to panic buy without causing it, and I can’t tell you to panic buy, all I can say is this. I have loads of loo roll left if you need to buy some.

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[Video] Comics Solving Problems - S02E16 - Trump's Immune Response & BoJo's Mojo

When lockdown stated the Comics Solving Problems show began. Lockdown restrictions came and went and are currently coming back to say hi again. The new version of the show is still out there keeping up with the news for you. It's Comics Solving Problems.

Through the week you can send in the lockdown-related questions you have and during the show we will answer them to the best of the abilities two home-working stand-ups can.

In this episode they look at Donald Trump's dose of COVID, how to fight coronavirus like Trump and in UK news, what is Boris Johnson going on about?

Here's S02E16.



How To Mock Trump Now

What is a satirist to do with Trump?

The news that the President of the United States of America has contracted the coronavirus has left some of us in a difficult position.

Even though we have had to see some pretty shocking news in recent years, most of the topical comedians are still human. You know, deep down. When you hear the news of a man in his seventies contracting a virus that can be fatal to people in that age bracket, you have empathy.

Science tells us that the virus is really tough for those who are overweight. Now, some say Donald Trump lies about his height to bring his BMI down but viruses don’t check paperwork. It’s another reason show concern for someone who is ill.

If we were only listening to the angel that pops up on our shoulder that would be the end of it. But the devil on the other shoulder loves to point out the hypocrisy. When a man who has belligerently said the coronavirus would be gone by the summer catches it in autumn, it’s worth a mention.

When someone who has recently said publicly that COVID-19 affects “almost no one” gets affected by it, how can we not sarcastically say, “So you’re calling yourself a no one?”

He held rallies where his supporters defiantly refused to wear a mask. That’s because the wearing of a bit of fabric over your breathing parts as a small effort to help everyone else has become a political issue.

It was surprising as Donald has been known as a germaphobe for quite some time. Most germaphobes would like people to wear masks even when there’s no pandemic but the political capital to be gained by making the “do-gooders” seem bad was too tempting. And look where it’s got him.

Even the most sympathetic commentator must find irony in the man who said to use bleach as a cure is now in a hospital using proper drugs suggested by proper doctors. He suggested putting UV light in the body. Did he try putting a sunbed lamp up his botty before trying real drugs?

Just as the poetic irony of the situation starts to entertain there will be a ping on my phone from a news app telling me that doctors say the next 48 hours will be critical for him. That jolts me back to thinking that no matter what point of view someone has held, you shouldn’t make light of something that could cost them their lives.

Show sympathy. That can’t be wrong. And just as soon as I start to think that social media shows me the conspiracy theories that he doesn’t have COVID and he’s only doing this to get out of the future debates. His current narrative is that his opponent Joe Biden is old and frail. If Trump can claim to have had a case of the tough COVID but walked it off in a few days he can look fit by comparison.

Now I don’t want to fall into the trap of giving sympathy if it’s not due but I don’t want to accuse someone of pretending to be ill in case they go on to die.

There was another conspiracy theory that claimed the President was hiding a secret oxygen tank about his person and using a mask to cover the nose attachment. Several mainstream media outlets have claimed that’s nonsense but I remember someone saying those outlets peddled “fake news”. I wonder who could have said that?

What about all of those Trump supporters who claimed that coronavirus was a hoax? Do they see the contradiction of their position or do they think this proves that people can catch made up illnesses. Be careful when you pretend is real, some people could catch that. I’m terrified that I might come down with a case of The Phage from Star Trek Voyager.

I haven’t noticed many Trump supporters saying sorry for thinking this virus that killed over one million people was a hoax. They are too busy saying that Trump critics shouldn’t mock him. They ask how the left would like it if it was one of their figureheads who got ill. Maybe people replied with the clip of Trump mocking Hilary Clinton after we heard she had pneumonia. Even more hypocrisy.

Donald has been rude about people with illnesses and dismissive of the disease he now has. His actions may well have led to more people catching this potential killer. And yet, I still don’t want to mock him. He’s an old man who is ill.

Donald, get will soon, so we can get back to pointing out what a hypocrite you are.

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[Video] Comics In Quarantine Solving Problems - S02E15 - Unpresidential Debates & Celebrity Lockdown Breakers

When lockdown stated the Comics Solving Problems show began. Lockdown restrictions came and went and are currently coming back to say hi again. The new version of the show is still out there keeping up with the news for you. It's Comics Solving Problems.

Through the week you can send in the lockdown-related questions you have and during the show we will answer them to the best of the abilities two home-working stand-ups can.

In this episode we look at the messy scrap that was the US presidential debate and in the UK some big names have been breaking lockdown.

Here's S02E15.



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