Why Is Music So Angry?

No, you're not wrong. Music really is worse these days than it was when you were younger.

That's not exactly the finding of some new research but it's close enough. A study looked at lyrics of popular songs and found that they're angrier and more repetitive since the 80s.

That shouldn't really come as a surprise. You didn't see that parental advisory sticker on old gramophone records. There was no explicit remix of George Formby's When I'm Cleaning Mother***king Windows, B**ch!" Although that song is about some perv watching a newly married couple have sex, but it's not angry or repetitive so that makes it OK.

They looked at lyrics in rock, rap, country, pop and R&B songs. At the risk of getting cancelled, it feels like rap must be doing a lot of the work here. In the 1980s rap songs seemed peaceful when compared to the drill music that Daily Mail readers get angry about. Although back in the 80s we had songs like The Sugarhill Gang's (see, there were gangs back then too) “Apache” with the lyrics...

Tonto, jump on it, jump on it, jump on it
Kemosabe, jump on it, jump on it, jump on it
Custer, jump on it, jump on it, jump on it
Apache, jump on it, jump on it, woo

Cultural appropriation aside, that's quite repetitive. If a song is quicker to write using control-C, control-V you're repetitive.

Rock songs of the 1980s included things like Van Halen's Jump with the lyrics.

Ah, might as well jump (jump)
Might as well jump
Go ahead and jump (jump)
Go ahead and jump

Still repetitive but for a song that's actually called Jump it tells you to jump less than The Sugarhill Gang did.

The research, published in the journal Scientific Reports, found that anger-related words may have become more common because music "reflects more general changes in society and culture". So, we're more miserable. That fits.

It's not all negative news. Eva Zangerle, an assistant professor at the University of Innsbruck's department of computer science in Austria, found that songs are simpler these days and easier to understand.

I'm grateful for that. The 80s had songs like Teddy Pendergrass "Love T.K.O." which I don't know if that's a good thing or not. The 90s had "Smells Like Teen Spirit" whatever that is.

It predates this study but in 1968 Song by Gary Puckett & The Union Gap released Young Girl, which is basically someone admitting they should be on a register.

Modern day songs are easier, like Megan Thee Stallion's, WAP, which seems to be about a cat in a bath. Ah, simpler times.

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Do Strangers Think You Smell

Scientists have found that we don't like the smell of strangers.

Good. That would be weird. If your favourite smell was that of people you don't know you'd end up being one of those people who stands too close behind you in lifts.

The flip side is that it means you don't mind the smell of your friends. I would've thought it was the other way round – you pick your friends because you don't mind their smell. If you meet someone and they smell like they wash in sweat you probably don't chat too much.

I know I don't have friends with bad breath because I can't talk to people who have it. Well, if I could talk to them while being nowhere near their mouth, like if I could talk to the back of their heads, but that would look like I was one of those weird people who stands too close to people in lifts.

Here's the research - They gave students smelly T-shirts, one with their university logo and one with a rival university logo. They found the rival logo shirt smellier than the home one.

Now, to be sure it wasn't subliminal suggestion we checked that the logos weren't of a pine forest and a smiling poo emoji, but as it turns out, there isn't a university with a smiling poo emoji as its logo. So I'm learning lots today.

Scientists think this result says we are less disgusted by the sweat of people in our group, and this may be an evolutionary trait as it means we could work closely together in our tribe.

I'd always assumed that life as a caveman just meant coming to terms with the fact that people smell. This was a life before the invention of the shower, soap, and even the toothbrush. People would stink. I was working on a theory that the smell is why cavemen didn't live past their twenties, they just couldn't stand the stench any more.

But this research is saying that we might have liked the smell of the people we shared out caveman life with? These people would've had all the pongs going on. If we were OK with that it's a little dodgy. But back then they hadn't invented lifts, so you could stand behind them and sniff all you want.

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Eating This Is Good For You

Do you remember the good old days when we used to get conflicting news stories about food? One day eating something was good for you, the next day it was going to kill you. It took some planning and a fancy spreadsheet but eventually I worked out a system where I only eat things during their good-for-you phase.

Now the “watch what you eat” message has moved on from food. I saw the headline, “Oral sex IS good for your health”. It's only a few weeks ago that we heard it was bad for us. This is a whole new column on the spreadsheet now.

After Iron Maiden's Bruce Dickinson and actor Michael Douglas said their throat cancer was caused by cunnilingus we were all worried. I tried to cut down. I cut back to only after a big meal or if I was going out. You know, just to be sociable.

However, now it looks like fellatio and cunnilingus could actually help prevent cancers. It's good news, but hard to turn it into a chat up line. I find, “Oh, go on. It might stop you getting cancer,” doesn't make someone want to do that to you. It takes a certain kind of person to be willing to put something gross in their mouth just for the health benefits. I now try and pull in Holland and Barrett.

One expert said, “During orgasm, women produce hormones like oxytocin and other endorphins, which have been proven to have protective effects against cancer and heart disease.”

Are they the ones that you also get from eating chocolate? No wonder Willy Wonker so was confident.

It's also been claimed that having regular sex helps to cure the common cold. But who wants to have sex with someone who has a cold? I know there's an upside that the tissues will already be nearby but that's all.

And there's also research that says semen might help with depression. I'm not sure how that works because men get depression and they have loads of semen in them one way or another.

It's an interesting area of research and good to know, because we are at risk of oversubscribing antidepressants, but if your doctor wrote you a prescription for semen you'd probably try to get him struck off.

But who am I to argue with current science. I'd better get some before my spreadsheet tells me to stop.

>Read the source story

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Pigeons Can Detect Cancer

There are some things in life that make me think, “If there is intelligent design it's not that intelligent.”

New research has found that pigeons can spot breast cancer in women's scans 'as accurately as human experts'.

What is the point of that? Who gives the expert abilities of a doctor to a pigeon, literally a bird-brained animal?

I remember reading before that pigeons have great eyesight. That's good because it makes up for the minged up feet they always seem to have. Great eyes but can't really walk, the pigeon version of Rear Window is a great film. In fact, pigeons can see so well if you take them to a cinema they don't see a moving image, they'd view it as a series of still images. That would ruin many films, but make some Adam Sandler ones better.

Now scientists in the US tell us the birds can detect and identify malignant cancer cells in biopsy samples and mammogram scans. If the junior doctors weren't going on strike before they would after this. If you are replaced by a computer that's one thing, but if a trained bird gets your job you'd be rather miffed.

Prof Richard Levenson said: “With training and food reinforcement, pigeons do just as well as humans.” It could be a great saving for the NHS as you can feed the birds for tuppence a bag, I remember hearing.

Pretty soon the hospitals could be filled with animals as recently researchers have been discovering how dogs can “smell” if you have cancer. I'm not sure how the dogs let you know about this, I hope it's not just by sniffing the affected area a lot, or my gusset needs checking.

That's more impressive than the pigeon trick, because for a pigeon to detect you have cancer they still need to do a biopsy, and I don't think they're very good at that bit.

I have a theory that cats can probably smell cancer too. They just don't care enough to tell you.

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Did Men Walk On Mars

A former NASA employee has spoked to the press about a secret mission to Mars that took place back in 1979. I don't know why they'd do something like that and keep it under wraps. I can only think that it was the 70s and part of the crew included a young person and a Radio 1 DJ.

The woman, who gave her name only as Jackie, so for the purposes of this article I'll call her Marc Almond, says she and some colleagues were monitoring images that were being sent back by the Viking Lander. In the images she saw people walking. On Mars!

I never understood why they sent dogs into space first and then humans who go for a walk. Send both at the same time because walking a dog is way more fun.

Anyway, she said: "I saw two men in space suits."

So either there was a mission to Mars back in the late 70s that successfully send man to the Red Planet and they managed a walk on the surface, or some office prankster at NASA got two mates walking behind her in in space suits so the reflection would show up on her screen. Either way, well done.

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Best Position for a Bad Back

I often mock researchers for working on trivial things when bigger issues remain unresolved. Recently we found that experts had found a way to make a teapot out of chocolate and someone studied if smiling makes you happy. But finally there's a piece of science that should've been sorted years ago.

Experts have worked out which sexual position is best for people with a bad back. Finally. As a sufferer (of a bad back, I'm not saying I suffer having sex. Well...) it's good to be able to get back in the saddle without risking serious injury. The first thing I learned from this research is that I shouldn't be using a saddle.

The experts say that doggy-style is officially the best sex position for men who suffer back ache. That makes sense. How many times have you heard a dog complaining about a bad back after sex?

A group of scientists at the University of Waterloo in Ontario, Canada, documented precisely how the spine moves during sex. It's not the part most focus on, but each to their own. Lead author Natalie Sidorkewicz said: "Before now, spooning was often recommended by physicians as the one position that fit all. But as we've discovered, that is not the case."

The irony is I injured by in the first place due to sex. All I'm saying is, lift with the knees.

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What Makes Sad People Sadder

I'm not saying I'm unlucky but I've not found much to make me happy lately. Finally I read a news story that said "Being miserable could be BETTER for your health", I cheered up, and realised I'd just ruined my health. Typical.

The new piece of research has found that making yourself smile when you don't want to can leave you feeling worse. They needed research to find that? We all know that from experience. The boss comes up to talk to you, you fake a smile, they crack a joke that's as funny as ebola testers in Boots, you fake a laugh, they walk away and as you feel your soul die you headbutt the table. Headbutting tables isn't good for your health, it's simple.

The theory is that forcing yourself to wear a smile when you are in a bad mood trains your brain to associate it with sadness instead of joy. The next time something good happens, you smile and it brings back the feelings of misery.

The study was carried out by Anirban Mukhopadhyay, an associate professor of marketing at Hong Kong University Science and Technology, who said you should wait until your unhappiness lifts before attempting a grin, adding: "Making people who are feeling bad smile could backfire and make them feel worse, because they may interpret smiling as trying to become happy."

In that case you have to feel sorry for Pharrell Williams. He'll be on stage saying he's "Happy" night after night even when he doesn't feel like it. He'll end up the most miserable git going. And as for Supernaturals, by the end of one rendition of Smile the rate of people throwing themselves off buildings has doubled.

It's good to know that faking a smile is bad for you. I can stop doing it on health grounds. The next time someone shows me pictures of their new baby I can sit there stony faced and say it's on doctor's orders.

I wonder if faking other expressions has a similar affect. If I pretend to not laugh when I see someone fall over will I link not laughing with finding something funny? And in the future whenever I'm not laughing I can't help but laugh?

Should woman stop faking orgasms over the risk that they may link orgasms to not having orgasms and before long they won't know if they're coming or going?

Either way I am pleased to read some good news for negative people like me. The last time I read something like this it was a real piece of research that said pessimists live longer than optimists. And I thought, "Knowing my luck I'll probably become an optimists before long."

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Gingers Face Extinction

We all know about the potential effects of climate change; we're in for warmer summers and Margate could be under water. So it was looking OK. But new scientific thinking has predicted that the change in the UK's climate could see the extinction of... ginger people.

I should state my bias in this matter. When I grow a beard is includes some gingery material so I am a carrier.

The red hair gene is a mutation that gives a greater ability to produce vitamin D when there's not much sun. If we could find a way to splice that gene with solar panels we'd never need to burn coal again. The ginger hair gene also has other benefits like helping you work out when one son shouldn't be an heir to the throne.

If there's more sun in the UK the evolutionary advantage to the ginger gene could be lost and before we know it the red heads will hold the same place in our minds as the woolly mammoth.

Dr Alistair Moffat, managing director of Galashiels-based ScotlandsDNA, said: "We think red hair in Scotland, Ireland and in the North of England is adaptation to the climate. If it was to get less cloudy and there was more sun, then yes, there would be fewer people carrying the gene."

As a carrier of this gene I wondered why. Just because the extra vitamin D wouldn't be needed doesn't mean the red heads will be less likely to breed, right? But if it's sunny outside all the time I suppose they'd never get to leave the house to meet a mate.

The fact that it is a regressive gene and that stronger sun can affect the DNA through pale skin more, there is a case to be made that it will slowly die out. So, what do we do?

When the pandas can't be bothered to mate we spend billions trying to save them. When the spix macaw dwindled down to the last few remaining birds we organised a breeding program. So...

What I'm saying is, we need to set up a red head reserve where people with the ginger gene are helped to breed. They can be put together in their natural environment and encouraged to mate and if that doesn't work I'm sure we can set up some sort of pen. We should act now before it's too late.

Did I mention I carry the gene? I'm free most Wednesdays.

>Read the source story

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Nasa Will Pay you To Go To Bed With Them

I now have a plan for if/when this stand-up/radio/dog walking career doesn't work out. Nasa is looking for people to lie in bed for 70 days. If it wasn't for the fact the fridge is out of reach I'd have cracked that every 70 days.

That's not true, I guess. I leave the house whenever I get booked to do a stand-up gig. So I would only have got to about 30 days in bed. But still, good practice.

Nasa will pay £3,000 a month, which means it's better paid than stand-up, and it probably has the same amount of groupies.

During the 70 days in bed the volunteer can play computer games, use the internet, watch TV or read. Damn it. If it wasn't for the reading part this could've been a solution to the benefits culture problem in the UK.

They're doing a study to find out how microgravity effects the body during spaceflight. I like the sound of mircrogravity. I'd imagine the effects of it are far less than the effects of normal gravity. My moobs wouldn't sag less, my balls wouldn't be slowly making their way towards my knees with every passing year, my arse wouldn't look like two hairy clutch bags and most of all, I would weigh far far less.

Nasa. Sign me up!

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Women Think of Sex Hourly

The same old survey has been done again. This time apparently men think about sex every 28 minutes and women think about it every 51 minutes. So once an hour women are in the mood? Great, but the trouble is, if we use our times tables, we can work out that our sexy thoughts happen in the same minute once ever 23.8 hours, and we're probably asleep by then, so no wonder we miss out.

The difference with this study is that it found women thought about sex more frequently than they used to, and the papers called it the "50 Shades of Grey effect". The theory is that so many women bought those books, realised they're rubbish and would rather go f*** than carry on reading?

The study asked students to record every time they thought about sex, food and sleep each day. I remember from my student days that'd be a very full sheet.

It yet again disproves the old saying that men think about sex every seven seconds. Of course that couldn't be true. That would mean we'd think about sex 514 times an hour. As if we men think about anything that much.

>Read the source story

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It's Not The Motion Of The Ocean...

I recently became aware of the low-brow nature of the news coverage on the site lately. Recent articles have been about bras, zombie hamsters and fat airline passengers. There's nothing wrong with a little levity, but this site is a news source of record, a serious and in-depth analyser of current events. So it's time to redress the balance, rest safe in the knowledge that this next story was sourced in The Independent newspaper.

Headline: "Size really does matter"

Yes, new research has found that human females prefer large penises to small penises. Wow, ground-breaking findings. I can't wait for their paper on the ursine arboreal faecal distribution patterns. What's that you say, bears do shit in the woods? Well, duh!

Dr Brian Mautz, formerly of the Australian National University in Canberra and lead author of the study published in the journal Proceedings of the National Academy of Sciences, said, "We found that male attractiveness is significantly influenced by penis size."

I knew it! All of those surveys in women's magazines that say women want a man with a sense of humour were lies! Unless he was making jokes about the size of his massive schlong.

But how are we meant to make use of this information? If you're posting for your Match.com profile pic try and get your tadger in the shot?

He went on, "More specifically, we found that large penises are rated as relatively more attractive than smaller ones."

OK, I can see the sense in that. What he's saying is that a large penis is more attractive than a small penis, but let's be honest, no penis is ever really attractive. You wouldn't want a picture of one as your phone screen-saver. You wouldn't have a painting of one brightening up a dentist's waiting room. You can get work as a hand model or even a foot model, but no one gets to be a cock 'n' balls model. You're a porn star and that's it.

He added, "Our results show that present-day females rate larger penises as more attractive, but it is hard to infer anything much beyond that."

The study involved showing 49 different images of naked men to 100 Australian women, who were asked to rate each life-size image according to its sexual allure. So we can infer something else. Maybe it's Aussie women who love the sausage. I'm just saying, there's a chance the results aren't being interpreted correctly. Not that I have a vested interest in this or anything, but if the women who love large members are on the other side of the planet to me, then all's well.

In addition to varying the penis length, the scientists played around with the stature of the models, making the men appear taller or shorter. Dr M said, "The effect of penis size on attractiveness is not independent of the other two traits of height and shoulder-to-hip ratio. For example, penis size has a much larger effect on attractiveness for taller men, than it does for shorter men."

So, women like tall men with a big willy.

And next they'll publish their analysis of the theological disposition of the traditional papacy.

What's that? Is the Pope's Catholic?

>Read the source story

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Video: Dolphin People

Are dolphins people? No. They're dolphins. But nevertheless SNA News gets to the bottom of it.


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Ill People Make Us Ill

Workers with the flu who don't take time off when ill are putting colleagues at risk, new research shows.

Damn right. And even worse than spreading their vile pox, they don't do any work. They just sniff and moan about how unwell they are. They turn up just for the sympathy.

32% of people go into work even if they have the virus.

It should be a crime. Like those news stories you hear of people being jailed for having unprotected sex when they know they're HIV+. (Is that all how we write HIV positive? It used to be but now it makes be think of Google+.)

OK, maybe it's not as bad as HIV, but it should at least warrant a fine. Recklessly giving someone your cold should be considered as bad as punching someone in the face. It's something you do to them that makes part of their head sore for a few days.

We covered this very topic back in episode 2 of the SomeNews podcast. Have a listen below.

listen to ‘Mr Steve N Allen on Flu’ on Audioboo

Get the audio here

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Are Your Hands This Dirty?

Well this is horrible news. One in four people's hands are contaminated with poo. I think that means the hands of one person out of every four people, and not one hand from two people's worth of hands. Or that would mean some people are only washing one hand after going to the loo and that seems like more hassle than it's worth.

This is why I'm starting my campaign to change shaking hands to the left hands. Most people are righties and most people wipe with their dominant hand. Why would you use your less dominant hands, you need accuracy down there?

The same study says one in nine people have as much faecal organisms on their hands as you would find on a dirty toilet set. And the received wisdom is that this is caused by people not washing their hands, but even if you don't wash, why do you have that much poo on your hands? Didn't you learn to wipe? If your fingers go through you didn't use enough.

Also worrying is the statistic that one in ten banks cards have faecal bacteria on them. I can understand how your hand gets near your bum, but bank cards? That's not where you're meant to swipe them.

This survey was released to promote Global Handwashing Day. I'm all for it. I did a chemistry degree and dealing with harsh chemicals that react to moisture teaches you to wash your hands BEFORE and after you've been to the loo.

>Read the source story

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The Truth About Your Teeth [Dental Expert Interview]

A new survey has found that many grown adults believe some pretty stupid myths when it comes to cleaning their teeth. If you're reading this in America you will be unsurprised that this survey was done in the UK as you think we have bad teeth. If you're reading this in Scotland you'll be unsurprised that this survey was done in England as you think we have teeth.

Let me ask you some questions and see which you think are true or just myths.

Do you think you should always brush after a meal?
Do you think brushing can wear away tooth enamel?
Would you brush less if you had bleeding gums?
Do you think the tooth fairy should be charged with breaking and entering?

To find out all about this I interviewed Damien Walmsley, Professor of Restorative Dentistry and a Scientific Advisor for the British Dental Association. If you want to hear the answers to the above questions, and find out the truth behind the myths, listen to the interview below.



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Lack Of Exercise Is The New Smoking

New research says we Britons are some of the worst in the world for failing to be active. I learned this news while watching TV, so I am in no place to judge.

The new report says that 17% of all UK deaths are caused by a lack of exercise. That seems really high. Unless you're blaming the pedestrians for not running out of the way of the oncoming cars in traffic accidents.

The figures show that not exercising enough can be as deadly as smoking. Don't say that. You know what this country got like with its hatred of smokers. If the same happens with fat people we'll be awash in more rules and regulations.

If not exercising is the new smoking they'll start to make us not exercise outside. While all the fit thin people who can stand all night in pubs are let in, we chubbers will be made to sit on the sofas out the back.

They'll make announcements on flights that "this is a no obesity plane". Although that makes sense. If they charge for extra baggage with cases why not extra baggage on the people? And the announcement that "customers are reminded that it is illegal to be fat in the toilets" won't be needed. Anything more than emaciated and you can't fit in the things.

We have health warnings on cigarette packs that show us diseased lungs. So we'd get warnings before TV shows. Forget the Coronation Street sponsor adverts, we'll get the message, "Sitting On Your Ass Can Kill!" along with a picture of some salad dodger's bum.

Just over 63% of Brits fail to meet recommended levels of physical activity, but in America it's only 41%. We are lazier than America! And they have guns. Over here we have to chase after people if we want to hit them.

I've taken heed of this warning and recently I have been going to the gym to work on my core. And now, when I see the women in that gym working up a sweat in their tight lycra, I can say "core!" just like Sid James in a Carry On film.

>Read the source story

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Podcast 33 - Barclays NatWest and Carr, Higgs Boson, Terror and Weeing

It's the SomeNews Podcast, episode 33. It's a look at some news that's hit the headlines recently.

In this podcast:

Barclays, NatWest and Jimmy Carr (Starts @01:48)
Higgs Boson has been found (Starts @ 12:54)
Weeing in the street (Starts @17:05)
Terror alerts in the UK (Starts @20:08)
The Shard (Starts @22:06)



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P.S. If your interested in reading more about the Higg's Boson I was sent a lovely article on it. You can get that here.

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What's Worse, Terrorism Or Bees?

I know that you can use statistics to prove whatever point you want. Only 52% of all stats are independently sourced. That means nothing, but it proves my point by proving my point. But here's a stat that tells us something.

Bees and wasps have caused as many deaths in the UK as terrorism in the past decade. An independent watchdog has looked at the figures and worked out how many deaths certain things cause.

Some people have used this information to say, "Look, we need to get a sense of reality in this country. Yes, terrorism is bad. Put it in perspective, though, and you'll see we shouldn't let it rule our lives and our news agendas."

Wise point? No. Wrong. It's the other way round. We need to realise the bees are trying to bring us down.

"Oh, but they're harmless little things," people say. No they're not. Did you know, in the last decade bees and wasps have killed as many Brits as terrorism? And it's time we did something about it.

Some say these attacks are caused by our bee policy. We invade the bees' home territory to get to the resource that they have and we want, honey. But what else are we meant to do? We need the honey and if we don't make sure the flow of this precious, viscous liquid is maintained we'll see the price of honey rocket.

I realise that big business plays a role here too. Some large honey corporations probably have too much sway with our governments and that means the lives of bees often come second to the pursuit of profit. But killing innocent British citizens isn't the way to make that stop. We need to open a dialogue.

That's not as easy as you'd imagine. The problem with bees is that their leader is hard to find. She lives deep inside an intricate network of tunnels.

It can't just be about the honey. The wasps are killing us too and they don't even have the natural resource. They must be ideologically opposed to our way. I guess it doesn't help that some small minded Brits think wasps and bees are all the some because they look similar.

The report said, "The annualised average of five deaths caused by terrorism in England and Wales over this period compares with total accidental deaths in 2010 of 17,201, including 123 cyclists killed in traffic accidents, 29 people drowned in the bathtub and five killed by stings from hornets, wasps and bees."

Does this information mean we should be less sensationalist about terrorism? Yes. Does it mean we should worry about the bees? Maybe. The the real worry is that if the terrorists and the bees team up, and have a bath, we're screwed.

>Read the source story

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Attack Of The Meat-Eating Plants

Three species of carnivorous plant that feed on worms underground have been discovered in the Brazilian savannah.

I never like meat-eating plants. We're made of meat and we shouldn't be lower than a plant on the food chain.

You feel sorry for the worms that get eaten by a plant. It's up there with being beaten up by a girl when you're in primary school. It does your reputation no good.

I also feel sorry for the other plants. A meat-eating plant is kind of the plant version of a vegetarian in the human world. Every time the other plants start tucking into some sunlight the meat-eater will start preaching about how they never touch the stuff. "I only eat worms. They're organic. You just don't know where that sunlight's been."

And you know that if the meat-eater plant tropisms round to see another plant for dinner, he won't say that he only eats meat. When he gets there there'll be this big fuss about how the host should've asked.

Eventually the host plant will just serve up some Quorn and tell him it's real meat just to shut him up.

And you can always tell which plant will preach about dietary alternatives because it is the one with a beetle all over it. Which is also what happens in the human world, if McCarney's marriages are anything to go by.

>Read the source story

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Squid Gets Woman Pregnant

Worrying headline of the day: "A 63-year-old woman has become 'pregnant' with 12 baby squid after eating calamari."

Well, at least she got dinner first.

The South Korean woman was eating a whole cooked squid when she felt a sharp pain in her mouth. When the lady was examined, doctors found 'baby cephalopods' attached to her mouth - small pods covered in a sticky material.

I didn't think you could get pregnant in the mouth. That has been a fact I have been spreading around for years. It's the only reliable form of contraception. I'd say they should teach it in schools but I don't want kids these days to have a better time than I had back then.

According to a report from the the National Centre for Biotechnology Information: "She did not swallow the portion, but spat it out immediately. She complained of a pricking and foreign-body sensation in the oral cavity."

I'm sure that's not how she said it. This has never happened.

WOMAN1: "Ouch""
WOMAN2: "What is it?"
WOMAN1: "Ow. I've got a foreign-body sensation."
WOMAN2: "Nasty. Where is it?"
WOMAN1: "Right in the oral cavity!"

It went on: "Twelve small, white spindle-shaped, bug-like organisms stuck in the mucous membrane of the tongue, cheek, and gingiva were completely removed, along with the affected mucosa. On the basis of their morphology and the presence of the sperm bag, the foreign bodies were identified as squid spermatophores."

So the headline really should've been: "Woman goes out for a meal and ends up with sperm in her mouth." But that's not as shocking. That happens to anyone who is rude to the waiter.

>Read the source story

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