14/04/2013

Bras Are No Good For You

New research from French scientist Professor Jean-Denis Rouillon says that bras are useless. Now there's a man who's never made a slingshot.

Prof . Rouillon has been studying breasts of 330 women, aged 18 to 35, over the past 15 years, and has achieved much, like keeping the French stereotype going strong. After all of the hard work he came to the conclusion that the undergarment does more bad than good.

Hang on, he got paid to spend the last 15 years studying breasts? Oh, and in other news, still no cure for AIDS.

Anyway, he said: "Medically, physiologically, anatomically, the breast does not benefit from being deprived of gravity."

Well, I'm not sure about that. I saw a video online of a woman on a roller-coaster and... maybe that's not what he meant.

The interesting thing is, Rouillon's theory kind of makes sense. He found that women who did not wear bras had firmer and less saggy breasts. He postulated (I bet he did, the dirty g... oh) that bras weaken the supporting muscles holding up breasts. Basically he's saying bras cause boob atrophy. It's like they say, if you don't use it you lose it. Or it slopes off towards the floor.

The theory makes sense, till you remember the video of tribeswomen we were shown during GCSE Humanities. They didn't wear bras but the regular workout against gravity didn't seem to help them. Those videos are the reason I still find empty mittens sexually alluring.

I don't know if the theory holds up (consider rephrasing) or not, but the way it's presented ruins it. It's basically a man who has spent his life looking at breasts telling women to take their bras off. It just makes him look like a perv.

Having said that, maybe I'm judging him harshly. Maybe it's like any job and looking at breasts all day because the same grind we all have. Maybe seeing breasts in his everyday life has lost it's appeal; an ample cleavage reminds him that he's not getting overtime for this. Maybe he's not just being a typical bloke.

And then I read in the news story: "Rouillon stressed that his findings are only preliminary, and said he might need to carry out further research into the matter."

Oh, there's a surprise. "No, I'm not done yet, so please keep paying me to look at breasticles all day!"

>Read the source story
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