And the award for slightly missing the correct day for an April Fool's joke news story goes to..."Pay as you weigh takes off: Airline becomes first to charge overweight passengers more"
Yes, Samoa Airlines has started charging its passengers by their weight rather than per seat. The Pacific national airline will now allow passengers to nominate their weight when booking their flights.
They expect people to be honest about their weight? Good luck with that. Why don't you also ask them how much they drink after work and how many sexual partners they've had?
Then, upon their arrival, passengers are weighed again on scales at the airport. That will mean the queues for the toilets in the airport will be massive. You'll overhear the strained voice of a northern bloke coming from the cubicle saying, "I'm not bloody paying extra to take this turd on holiday with me!"
"This is the fairest way of travelling," chief executive of Samoa Air, Chris Langton said.
And in one way he's right. If you're a drugs smuggler with a kilo of cocaine crammed up your tradesmen's at least you'll pay extra to transport it.
If you have ever been on a plane, wedged between two large-but-it-is-probably-just-your-glands people (nicest way I could think of putting it), you'll probably think this is a great idea. It's rather close. I've have sexual encounters with less physical contact.
But hang on. Isn't that the fault of the plane? The reason it's painfully, and sometimes moistly, intimate is that you're sat so close. If we weren't treated like animals in the air and given a little bit of personal space, the size of the person sat next to you wouldn't be an issue.
And while it's easy to think, "Well, if you didn't eat so much you wouldn't have to pay extra," it's not just about your fatness level. I'm 6'2". I'm always going to weigh more than a 5'1" person, but it's nothing I did. It's genetics, and yet now it means I have to pay more to go on holiday.
The next time I'm on a plane and some short person can't reach the overhead locker, and they say, "Excuse me. Could you put my bag up there?"
"Of course I can," I'll say, "As long as we split the bill for my useful height."
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