Attack of the Killer UK Animals

I don't want to scare you but WE'RE ALL GOING TO DIE!!!!

OK, maybe I did want to scare you. That's literally the only reason to shout "we're all going to die". If it were a thoughtful reminder of the nature of mortality it wouldn't have been in caps.

The UK is under attack from scary animals. The Daily Star ran several front pages about the "killer false widow spider" - recognisable by its cream markings, its large body and its claims that its husband went out to sea in a canoe.

The false widow, or, at the risk of appearing too clever, to give it its Latin name Steatoda nobilis (LOL - "nob" - OK, I didn't have to worry about looking too clever) has been growing in number across the UK. And do you know how many hundreds of thousands of people have been killed by these monsters every year? Well, it's zero. No one has been. But these spiders could kill, and that's the point. According to one expert their bite could kill someone... if that person was allergic to it. Yes, the false widow's venom is up there with the venom of the peanut.

If you're one of the lucky few who belong to the 99.9% of society that's not allergic to the false widow bite you're still not safe. The Daily Star also told us about the killer mutant rats in the UK. I'm not as worried about those rats as I am about the ninja turtles they have been training.

These "super rats" cannot be killed by regular poisons. It's a simple concept. If you try to kill something the ones that survive and get to breed are the ones who can beat what you tried to do. The next generation are better at resisting your attempts to kill them. It's the same effect that gives us things like MRSA.

Yes, by trying to kill things off we have ended up with antibiotic-resistant bacterial, poison-resistant rats, and if no one stops the cull, bullet-proof badgers.

>Read the source story



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