Lord Sewel's Gone

The nation woke today to find our deputy speaker of the House of Lords had stepped down. There were cries in the street of, “Oh no, we’re a rudderless ship. What will happen to the UK? It this our Greece?!?!” I can only say sorry for that, I get emotional when I have just woken up.

Lord Sewel stood down following some dirty allegations, and I can’t stress that enough, allegations - I know there’s a video but you know what they can do with CGI these days. Terminator 2 was made of metal for crying out loud. It was claimed the Labour peer was filmed taking drugs with two prostitutes. Sharing. How very “old Labour”.

So much about this story is shocking. He was secretly filmed snorting a powder using a £5 note. A £5 note! How cheap. You’d expect more from the Lords. That’s not very aspirational. How very “new Labour”.

The irony in the story comes from the fact that Sewel was charged with the responsibility of upholding standards of behaviour among peers. Maybe that’s his angle, it was research. He may have kept his job if at the end of the video he said, “And that is what not to do. I hope you were taking notes.”

In the clip that’s been played on every radio station I’ve been listening too (it was an odd fit on Asda FM), the Lord was heard saying to one of the prostitutes, “I just want to be led astray.” When someone who has already sniffed something and hired two prostitutes says that to you it’s hard to work out what else you could do to push his limits. They probably talked him eating battery farmed eggs.

At one point he word one of the escorts' bra. How very 1980's Tories.

He apparently turned a photo of his wife round before snorting a power off one of the women he was with. Such an old fool. Use the photo frame to snort from, you’ll lose less. Tut.

I’m giving money-saving tips to him because in the video he claimed that he couldn’t live off the money he got for being a Lord. He complained that he had to pay £1,000 a month for his rent controlled flat. As someone who is just about to head to perform at the Edinburgh Fringe and pay way more than that for a small flat with no drugs or prostitutes, that’s where he lost me.

>Read the source story


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