29/03/2019

Brexit Got Worse

I can admit when I was wrong. I thought Brexit had already got as ridiculous as possible. And then Uri Geller got involved.

You’ll remember him from the 1980s when he would turn up on TV and ruin people’s cutlery sets. He could use the power of his mind to bend spoons. I don’t know if that was the best way to use supernatural powers, to harness them to achieve exactly what everyone can do with their hands.

Now he’s back and he has decided to use his gift to stop Brexit.

At first I wasn’t sure how. I had mental images of him stood near Theresa May as she goes to sign the official leaving documents and he bends every pen nib just as she’s about to use it.

It seems odd that Uri would get involved. I knew that his politics, much like all of his spoons, is slightly to the right. In the past he has said he will use his powers to stop Jeremy Corbyn becoming Prime Minister.

Uri said: “I am ensuring that Jeremy Corbyn never gets the keys to Number 10 Downing Street. I will ensure that they bend out of all proportion to ensure that he never takes up residence there.”

Good plan but they have someone behind the door to open it. You never see Theresa May get out of a car and go through her handbag looking for the keys.

I’m not sure how the ability to mess up cutlery helps you on the issue of Brexit. Surely he should be helping the Government with knife crime.

As it turns out it’s a mass-telepathy experiment, he is asking people to think about Brexit at 11:11 AM and PM. I wish we only had to think about Brexit twice a day. It’s non-flippin’-stop.
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