20/01/2019

Podcast ep69: The Early End of Dry Jan, More GDPR and Illegal Kisses

Oooh, a podcast.

The Friday night show on BBC Radio Kent that reviews the week's news is now a podcast too. Edited highlights are packaged up into pod-form for you listening pleasure and it's free.

In this week's episode, S01E69, Toto's Africa has found the perfect home, the legal status of a kiss has been sorted and if you have stuck with Dry Jan you have done better than most.

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P.S. The new eBook is out now. Lasted Another Year is only 99p on Amazon, so get it now.





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19/01/2019

Brexit Week - Mini-Wrap

Who would have though, in 2016 as we were being asked what we should do about the European Union, just under three years later we’d find ourself here.

We haven’t had a week like this since, well, last December when this whole thing was meant to have happened.

I sat and watched Theresa May, our Prime Minister (correct as of going to press), I watched the news pundits and I even saw the protests outside Parliament. I think there were some Yellow Vest people but it is hard to tell. If you see someone wearing high-viz they’re either protesting or collecting litter. I thought I’d stumbled on a far-right rally the other day but it was just some people doing community service.

I watched the TV, cramming popcorn into my face, as the speaker, John Bercow shouted, “Order, order!” I smiled because he always sounds like a man having a difficult poo.

The vote came in. 202 for, 432 against. In Theresa May’s defence it could have been worse. 201 for and 433 against. But it wasn’t great. Rejected by 230 votes, the largest defeat for a sitting government in history. So, at least Theresa will be remembered for something other than wheat field vandalism.

Where do we go from here? Is Brexit dead in the water? In the Channel probably. Shouting m’aidez just to annoy us.

How long will Theresa May last? She’s already lasted longer than David Cameron would have. He’d have heard the result, stood up and said, “Right, I’m off to my shed in a field. It’s not a pig field before you even start.”

One thing is for sure, it’s three years after the referendum and people are still trying to work out what we should do about the European Union.
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17/01/2019

Podcast ep68: Doorbell Licking and Brexit

Oooh, a podcast.

The Friday night show on BBC Radio Kent that reviews the week's news is now a podcast too. Edited highlights are packaged up into pod-form for you listening pleasure and it's free.

In this week's episode, S01E68, a man is caught licking a doorbell, the snowflakes get upset and it's good news for certain divorces.

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P.S. The new eBook is out now. Lasted Another Year is only 99p on Amazon, so get it now.





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07/01/2019

Podcast ep67: Vegan Sausage Rolls and North Korean Holidays

Oooh, a podcast.

The Friday night show on BBC Radio Kent that reviews the week's news is now a podcast too. Edited highlights are packaged up into pod-form for you listening pleasure and it's free.

In this week's episode, S01E67, a football club gets an interesting new sponsor, Gregg's the bakers upset some meat addicts and we look at how quickly you'll be over January.

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P.S. The new eBook is out now. Lasted Another Year is only 99p on Amazon, so get it now.





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Snowflake Army

With some of the bizarre things that happen in the news these days you hear a lot of people say, "You couldn't make it up."

I like those news stories. They save me going to the effort of making it up.

That's why I like the snowflake army story. A recruitment campaign took the famous Lord Kitchener posters that say, “Your country needs you!”

In the new version they said, “Snowflakes. Your army needs you.”

If you don’t know, “snowflake” is a term used to describe someone who is easily offended by something. Or “everyone,” as it seems is the case these days.

Is it a good idea to try to recruit snowflakes to the army? You have to do some pretty tough things in the forces and you can't no-platform the enemy because they used the wrong pronoun for you or clapped too loudly at something.

It wasn't just snowflakes. The ads also said, "Phone zombies, the army needs you." I've seen phone zombies walk right into lamp posts so they'd been less good at urban warfare.

One ad said, "Binge gamers, your arm needs you." They would be very handy if the insurgents are throwing a lot of candy at you and you need someone to crush it.

The twist is that the soldier photographed on the snowflake advert claims he didn’t realise he’d be called a snowflake when he agreed to be in the ad.

It was claimed he complained and threatened to leave the army over it.

You're on a sticky-wicket there. If you get upset when someone calls you a snowflake, you're kind of proving them right.

I realise this is a bit of a controversial issue, so if you have been offended by any of my jokes about snowflakes... well, you should be pretty used to it by now.

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04/01/2019

Podcast ep66: A review of 2018

Oooh, a podcast.

The Friday night show on BBC Radio Kent that reviews the week's news is now a podcast too. Edited highlights are packaged up into pod-form for you listening pleasure and it's free.

In this week's episode, S01E66. This is the biggy. It's the massive review of the last year. Yeah, it takes an hour and a half of your life up but it's worth it.

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P.S. The new eBook is out now. Lasted Another Year is only 99p on Amazon, so get it now.





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28/12/2018

Lasted Another Year - Paperback

You can now get the latest book from Steve N Allen in paperback, good news to anyone who really likes using paper.

The compilation of recent writings that were put together in the eBook "Lasted Another Year" is now available actually printed onto actual paper.

While you can get the eBook for 99p the paperback is going for £2.99 but you can get free delivery, which is worth something when they actually have to send you a copy, unlike the internet version where you get some 0s and 1s.

Following the success of the eBook, which saw it get to number 28 in a small chart that measures a subset of the books online, something like "political > humour > books by blokes called Steve", but top 30 is top 30, whichever way you look at it.

So, if you fancy having some Steve on your book shelf you can get it now, Lasted Another Year, to keep till it becomes a collectors item, probably after Steve does a crime and becomes infamous. A wise investment in the current economic climate.

Head to Amazon where the book is ready to order.

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27/12/2018

Football Team Sends Fans To North Korea

As we head into January you'll notice adverts for holidays starting to crop up because if there's one thing that will make you feel like packing a case and flying away somewhere it's spending extra time with your family over Christmas.

People are starting to think about the destination, where would you want to go on holiday. I have picked Gatwick. Not as the place to fly from, I have booked two weeks in the Holiday Inn by the South Terminal. That way when a drone or some problem with the copy of Windows 95 they have running the place grounds all flights I won't be disappointed in the slightest.

The adverts are getting more adventurous though, with a sponsorship deal withed with English football club Blyth Spartans that says, "Visit North Korea"!

That's their tourism slogan, and not, apparently, at insult to someone you never want to see again.

The team, based just north of Newcastle upon Tyne, Northumberland, have a deal to promote North Korea as a place to holiday.

Dull, barren, and notoriously primitive and unwelcoming to strangers... Northumberland is in the North of England, and up there you can now see adverts for North Korea.

I know, it seems wrong to do a joke about people in the North living in poverty, but even the football team is "spartan", they don't have a lot up there. So it's odd to think that they'd be the market you try to attract. I'm from the North and some people I grew up with think I'm in a mixed relationship because my other half says "Bath".

I suppose, when the flight lands and the tourists see the levels of depravity that are rumoured to be present in North Korea it'll be nice to hear them say, "Aw way man, y'nar, it's just like being at home, pet."

I've looked online and it's not that easy to get a flight there. One was was around £700 and to book a return flight you need... well, optimism.



In related news, this might be the better way to fly...




Further Reading...

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Podcast ep65: Trains, Apprentice and Trump

Oooh, a podcast.

The Friday night show on BBC Radio Kent that reviews the week's news is now a podcast too. Edited highlights are packaged up into pod-form for you listening pleasure and it's free.

In this week's episode, S01E65, we talk about The Apprentice (the final), we hear about the best train station in the UK and we get a Trump update to wrap up the year.

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P.S. The new eBook is out now. Lasted Another Year is only 99p on Amazon, so get it now.





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16/12/2018

Podcast ep64: More Brexit, Breathing, Bank Apps and Space Spud

Oooh, a podcast.

The Friday night show on BBC Radio Kent that reviews the week's news is now a podcast too. Edited highlights are packaged up into pod-form for you listening pleasure and it's free.

In this week's episode, S01E64, we talk about The Apprentice (we're getting near the final), we find out about growing food in space, there's a man who says he lives off breathing alone, which means he won't care about that space food, and a bank app does something good for once.

Subscribe to the podcast now to get it free every week.




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P.S. The new eBook is out now. Lasted Another Year is only 99p on Amazon, so get it now.





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09/12/2018

Lasted Another Year - eBook

Congratulations, you have made it through another year. Yes, we do that every year but take a second to rejoice.

And what better way to do that than to buy the new eBook from comedian Steve N Allen?

Taken from the year's worth of comments in the newspaper columns you can find across the UK, Steve looks at a selection of the year's happenings. From Brexit to the demise of the DVD, take a look back through the year in this comic take on things.

"Lasted Another Year" is available on Amazon Kindle and you can get it now while it's only 99p.

Every week Steve N Allen writes for various newspaper taking a look at the week's news. For the first time that work has been brought together into an eBook. Go to the Amazon site where you can download a sample for free or order your copy right now.



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08/12/2018

Podcast ep63: Fake vicar, The Apprentice and Sleep Texting

Oooh, a podcast.

The Friday night show on BBC Radio Kent that reviews the week's news is now a podcast too. Edited highlights are packaged up into pod-form for you listening pleasure and it's free.

In this week's episode, S01E63, we talk about The Apprentice by accident, we find out about the blight of sleep texting. If you have worried about your age we have an answer for you and should you call someone "love"?

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30/10/2018

Podcast ep57: PC Fairy Tales, The end of the DVD and Benny the Beluga

Oooh, a podcast.

The Friday night show on BBC Radio Kent that reviews the week's news is now a podcast too. Edited highlights are packaged up into pod-form for you listening pleasure and it's free.

In this week's episode, S01E57, Benny the beluga whale has ruined fireworks night, politically correct fairy tales are here and it's bye bye DVD.

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