28/11/2014

How To Get Chocolate Farts

An inventor has found a way to make farts smell like chocolate. Don't you just hate it when someone beats you to your own research? He did it by making a pill that changes your body chemistry. That's a good idea. My research was taking me down the "putting chocolate up your bum" route. So far my results weren't positive. I found the Mars bar and Snickers were too large. But a Finger of Fudge was just enough.

The inventor, Christian Poincheval, says this will make farts smell nice. Either that or it will really put us off chocolate. If you walk into a room and you smell chocolate you won't assume the person in there has been eating it - even if you notice some little brown smudges on the chair they're sitting on.

Smells can ruin things. I remember how an ex once came home, put her bag down, and said, "Something smells nice, what are you cooking?" When I confessed that I wasn't cooking, I'd let one go, it put a strain on that relationship we never got over.

So, I am not sure that this invention, of a pill that makes your farts so chocolatey they even turn the milk brown, will make the world a better place. It will certainly ruin the fun of a Dutch oven.

Christian explained the thinking behind this behind air freshener: "We were at the table with friends and after a hearty meal, our farts were so smelly we nearly suffocated. Something had to be done."

And yet "not farting" wasn't his solution. He went about inventing a pill to change the way your body works rather than just hold it in. Tut, men.

The chocolate fart pill is the second one he's created, he's already produced a pill that makes your wind smell like roses. I've ordered both, roses and chocolate, and I'm all set in case I forget to buy Valentine's gifts. "Close your eyes, darling. I have a surprise for you..."

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