Tiger Stressed After Cage Break In

There's a tiger in Kiev Zoo that is suffering from stress. I suppose if I was kept behind bars and forced to poo in the corner I might feel a little down about things too. But the reason this tiger is down in the dumps is that some drunken intruder broke into his cage and this really got to him.

What? Why was that depressing? It was a free meal. It was like his dinner had saved him the chase. And he was drunken, the meat was pre-marinaded. Surely that tiger should like the idea of flavour enhanced meat, he's in Kiev for crying out loud.

This legless chap (as in drunk, but if he keeps climbing into tiger enclosures it might be the other one too) jumped a fence, went up to the six-year-old cat, hugged it and shouted, "I love tigers."

Why is that depressing? He said he loved tigers. That tiger should see the kind of hate I get on Twitter. Jeez, stop being such a pussy.

It's because the cat was raised by zoo keepers that it doesn't see humans as food but rather as friends, so he didn't try to attack the drunk. So why did it upset the animal? I'm guessing it's because that guy went round to where the tiger lives, said he loved him, then left and was never seen again. Men, eh?

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