27/01/2019

Vegan Paint?

We love news about the royals. We also live TV shows about bad drivers on our roads and recently those two categories of news have overlapped.

Not all the royal news has sounded like an advert for Lawyer4Money, Meghan Markle hit the headlines when reports came out that she is using vegan paint to decorate her ‘gender-free’ nursery.

I’m sure people got upset by the use of the phrase ‘gender-free’, but we have done that for decades. If you don’t know what you’re having you’d paint a nursery a natural colour. We weren’t being snowflakes we just didn’t want the hassle of more DIY when the nappy stuff starts.

The part that caught my attention was vegan paint. We are living in a vegan age. Just before Christmas the turkeyless turkey sandwich sold out from Marks and Spender in record time and the infamous Gregg’s vegan sausage roll was all over the news.

I have tried one. It’s been a few weeks and I haven’t become ill, gender-fluid or a communist, so I don’t know why Twitter was so upset.

I perform stand-up all over the UK and spotted down in Brighton a vegan shoe shop. I didn’t know shoes were edible. I’d have to be really hungry but it’s better than some kebab shops I know.

Vegan paint is in the same category. I didn’t know animals were used in the production of paint. I knew there’s a dog that helps to flog Dulux but it’s not harmed in the making of it. I still don’t really know how animals are used but I won’t buy any more duck egg blue just in case.

I’m sure some people will moan about Meghan going the vegan route but isn’t it about choice? Have whatever paint you like. Just doesn’t get the grandfather-in-law to drive you to the shops.

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