08/01/2020

Uri Geller Is A Weirdo For Cummings

Are you a weirdo? I think I can ask that now because it’s probably not an insult any more.

British Prime Minister Boris Johnson’s top senior adviser, Dominic Cummings, posted a job advert online asking for “assorted weirdos” to apply to work at Number 10. One quick look at the kind of people they have in there and you feel like shouting, “Mission already accomplished!”

He wasn’t using the term as a pejorative, it was almost used as a compliment. It has the feel of an attempt to reclaim the word like so many groups have done with their insults. It might become known as the W-word. If that is the case it should be a word that only a weirdo could actually use.

*Looks at Dominic Cummings* *Realises that checks out so far*

So what could go wrong when you ask for assorted odd-bods to apply for a job? Well, one has. Uri Geller has said he has put himself forward for the position. You may remember Uri from several spoon attacks back in the 80s. He believes that mystical powers have gifted him with the ability to **** up your cutlery without even touching them.

He says he wants the job because no other candidate would possess his powers. True. Most civil servants would have to use their hands to ruin items in your kitchen.

He can’t need the money. He is in his 70s so would normally be retired. And the job is that of civil servant, so it’s a pen pusher. Unless he wants to try to push those pens simply using the power of his mind.

We have seen the covering letter that Uri sent. He wrote, “Dear Dom,” at the top, which is a nice touch on a job application if you are trying to make people think you’re weird. Clever.

“While many have doubted my abilities, my achievements cannot be dismissed as trickery or illusions,” said the famous TV illusionist.

He added: “In my intelligence work I assisted with Operation Desert Storm, helped to locate secret tunnels in North Korea, and used my skills to erase crucial diplomatic discs on their way to Moscow.”

He can erase computer files with his mind?! Now that is a power I’d like.

“What’s that, darling. You need to log onto my laptop? Sure, just let me stare at it till the vein comes up on my forehead... Done!”

Uri Geller recently said he had used his powers to help Boris Johnson win last year’s election by giving his aides a spoon enthused with positive energy. It clearly worked but we don’t know by how much. Who helped Boris win more? Uri? Dominic Cummings? Jeremy Corbyn?

He said he could help by using his powers during the Brexit negotiations. You can bend spoons, you should be using your powers to stop heroin users.

Before they sign him up they should remember that previously Uri said he would use his special abilities to stop Brexit happening. Remind us Uri, how did that work out for you?

⮱Read the source story



Further listening: Here’s a radio interview I did with Uri Geller about his plan to use his mind powers in politics.



chirb.it/IB3yhn

After recording, I arrived home to find all of my spoons were melted into the shape of a hand giving a middle-finger. I am sure it is a coincidence.

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