07/01/2019

Podcast ep67: Vegan Sausage Rolls and North Korean Holidays

Oooh, a podcast.

The Friday night show on BBC Radio Kent that reviews the week's news is now a podcast too. Edited highlights are packaged up into pod-form for you listening pleasure and it's free.

In this week's episode, S01E67, a football club gets an interesting new sponsor, Gregg's the bakers upset some meat addicts and we look at how quickly you'll be over January.

Subscribe to the podcast now to get it free every week.




Download the mp3.

     | Subscribe with iTunes | Subscribe via RSS feed |

P.S. The new eBook is out now. Lasted Another Year is only 99p on Amazon, so get it now.





Share:

Snowflake Army

With some of the bizarre things that happen in the news these days you hear a lot of people say, "You couldn't make it up."

I like those news stories. They save me going to the effort of making it up.

That's why I like the snowflake army story. A recruitment campaign took the famous Lord Kitchener posters that say, “Your country needs you!”

In the new version they said, “Snowflakes. Your army needs you.”

If you don’t know, “snowflake” is a term used to describe someone who is easily offended by something. Or “everyone,” as it seems is the case these days.

Is it a good idea to try to recruit snowflakes to the army? You have to do some pretty tough things in the forces and you can't no-platform the enemy because they used the wrong pronoun for you or clapped too loudly at something.

It wasn't just snowflakes. The ads also said, "Phone zombies, the army needs you." I've seen phone zombies walk right into lamp posts so they'd been less good at urban warfare.

One ad said, "Binge gamers, your arm needs you." They would be very handy if the insurgents are throwing a lot of candy at you and you need someone to crush it.

The twist is that the soldier photographed on the snowflake advert claims he didn’t realise he’d be called a snowflake when he agreed to be in the ad.

It was claimed he complained and threatened to leave the army over it.

You're on a sticky-wicket there. If you get upset when someone calls you a snowflake, you're kind of proving them right.

I realise this is a bit of a controversial issue, so if you have been offended by any of my jokes about snowflakes... well, you should be pretty used to it by now.

Share:

04/01/2019

Podcast ep66: A review of 2018

Oooh, a podcast.

The Friday night show on BBC Radio Kent that reviews the week's news is now a podcast too. Edited highlights are packaged up into pod-form for you listening pleasure and it's free.

In this week's episode, S01E66. This is the biggy. It's the massive review of the last year. Yeah, it takes an hour and a half of your life up but it's worth it.

Subscribe to the podcast now to get it free every week.




Download the mp3.

     | Subscribe with iTunes | Subscribe via RSS feed |

P.S. The new eBook is out now. Lasted Another Year is only 99p on Amazon, so get it now.





Share:

28/12/2018

Lasted Another Year - Paperback

You can now get the latest book from Steve N Allen in paperback, good news to anyone who really likes using paper.

The compilation of recent writings that were put together in the eBook "Lasted Another Year" is now available actually printed onto actual paper.

While you can get the eBook for 99p the paperback is going for £2.99 but you can get free delivery, which is worth something when they actually have to send you a copy, unlike the internet version where you get some 0s and 1s.

Following the success of the eBook, which saw it get to number 28 in a small chart that measures a subset of the books online, something like "political > humour > books by blokes called Steve", but top 30 is top 30, whichever way you look at it.

So, if you fancy having some Steve on your book shelf you can get it now, Lasted Another Year, to keep till it becomes a collectors item, probably after Steve does a crime and becomes infamous. A wise investment in the current economic climate.

Head to Amazon where the book is ready to order.

Share:

27/12/2018

Football Team Sends Fans To North Korea

As we head into January you'll notice adverts for holidays starting to crop up because if there's one thing that will make you feel like packing a case and flying away somewhere it's spending extra time with your family over Christmas.

People are starting to think about the destination, where would you want to go on holiday. I have picked Gatwick. Not as the place to fly from, I have booked two weeks in the Holiday Inn by the South Terminal. That way when a drone or some problem with the copy of Windows 95 they have running the place grounds all flights I won't be disappointed in the slightest.

The adverts are getting more adventurous though, with a sponsorship deal withed with English football club Blyth Spartans that says, "Visit North Korea"!

That's their tourism slogan, and not, apparently, at insult to someone you never want to see again.

The team, based just north of Newcastle upon Tyne, Northumberland, have a deal to promote North Korea as a place to holiday.

Dull, barren, and notoriously primitive and unwelcoming to strangers... Northumberland is in the North of England, and up there you can now see adverts for North Korea.

I know, it seems wrong to do a joke about people in the North living in poverty, but even the football team is "spartan", they don't have a lot up there. So it's odd to think that they'd be the market you try to attract. I'm from the North and some people I grew up with think I'm in a mixed relationship because my other half says "Bath".

I suppose, when the flight lands and the tourists see the levels of depravity that are rumoured to be present in North Korea it'll be nice to hear them say, "Aw way man, y'nar, it's just like being at home, pet."

I've looked online and it's not that easy to get a flight there. One was was around £700 and to book a return flight you need... well, optimism.



In related news, this might be the better way to fly...




Further Reading...

Share:

Podcast ep65: Trains, Apprentice and Trump

Oooh, a podcast.

The Friday night show on BBC Radio Kent that reviews the week's news is now a podcast too. Edited highlights are packaged up into pod-form for you listening pleasure and it's free.

In this week's episode, S01E65, we talk about The Apprentice (the final), we hear about the best train station in the UK and we get a Trump update to wrap up the year.

Subscribe to the podcast now to get it free every week.




Download the mp3.

     | Subscribe with iTunes | Subscribe via RSS feed |

P.S. The new eBook is out now. Lasted Another Year is only 99p on Amazon, so get it now.





Share:

16/12/2018

Podcast ep64: More Brexit, Breathing, Bank Apps and Space Spud

Oooh, a podcast.

The Friday night show on BBC Radio Kent that reviews the week's news is now a podcast too. Edited highlights are packaged up into pod-form for you listening pleasure and it's free.

In this week's episode, S01E64, we talk about The Apprentice (we're getting near the final), we find out about growing food in space, there's a man who says he lives off breathing alone, which means he won't care about that space food, and a bank app does something good for once.

Subscribe to the podcast now to get it free every week.




Download the mp3.

     | Subscribe with iTunes | Subscribe via RSS feed |

P.S. The new eBook is out now. Lasted Another Year is only 99p on Amazon, so get it now.





Share:

09/12/2018

Lasted Another Year - eBook

Congratulations, you have made it through another year. Yes, we do that every year but take a second to rejoice.

And what better way to do that than to but the new eBook from comedian Steve N Allen?

Taken from the year's worth of comments in the newspaper columns you can find across the UK, Steve looks at a selection of the year's happenings. From Brexit to the demise of the DVD, take a look back through the year in this comic take on things.

"Lasted Another Year" is available on Amazon Kindle and you can get it now while it's only 99p.

Every week Steve N Allen writes for various newspaper taking a look at the week's news. For the first time that work has been brought together into an eBook. Go to the Amazon site where you can download a sample for free or order your copy right now.



Share:

08/12/2018

Podcast ep63: Fake vicar, The Apprentice and Sleep Texting

Oooh, a podcast.

The Friday night show on BBC Radio Kent that reviews the week's news is now a podcast too. Edited highlights are packaged up into pod-form for you listening pleasure and it's free.

In this week's episode, S01E63, we talk about The Apprentice by accident, we find out about the blight of sleep texting. If you have worried about your age we have an answer for you and should you call someone "love"?

Subscribe to the podcast now to get it free every week.




Download the mp3.

     | Subscribe with iTunes | Subscribe via RSS feed |



Share:

30/10/2018

Podcast ep57: PC Fairy Tales, The end of the DVD and Benny the Beluga

Oooh, a podcast.

The Friday night show on BBC Radio Kent that reviews the week's news is now a podcast too. Edited highlights are packaged up into pod-form for you listening pleasure and it's free.

In this week's episode, S01E57, Benny the beluga whale has ruined fireworks night, politically correct fairy tales are here and it's bye bye DVD.

Subscribe to the podcast now to get it free every week.




Download the mp3.

     | Subscribe with iTunes | Subscribe via RSS feed |



Share:

24/03/2018

Royal Wedding Invite [Podcast]

In this show Steve gets an invite to the royal wedding. Or does he?

No, he doesn't.

Here's the podcast of it for you to download/listen. (Originally broadcast on Friday 23rd of March 2018.)




Download the mp3.

     | Subscribe with iTunes | Subscribe via RSS feed | | |

Get the info on how to listen to the show live here.

To find more radio show minipodcasts see here.
All past episodes can be found in the radio podcast archive.
And if you enjoyed that check out the SomeNews Topical Podcast.



Share:

[Newspaper Column] Happy

Each week the Romford Recorder and Ilford Recorder have the Steve N Allen column. If you're around East London and West Essex you can buy the newspaper every Thursday/Friday, or follow @mrstevenallen to see the columns on Twitter. You can also read the archive of past ones, which can be found here.


You can click the image to zoom in on the paper, or read the column below.

Do you want to know the secret of happiness?

Don't ask me. I am well on my way to growing into the grumpy old man I always knew I'd be. To be fair, it's what I said I wanted to be when I grew up.

If you're still trying to head towards happiness there's a new trend in how to achieve it. Of course there is, there's a new trend in everything these days. See, I'm getting there.

Last year there was the Danish trend of hygge, which was all about wearing chunky socks. Then we had JOMO, the joy of missing out. The idea was staying at home and doing nothing was the key to being happy. A good plan unless you live with a grumpy old man like me.

Now it's the Finnish trend of Sisu, and Finland was recently named the happiest nation on the planet so there could be something in this.

What is Sisu? It involves things like going for a swim in freezing cold lakes.

When I heard that I thought, "I'm OK being grumpy, thanks."

Victor Meldrew wasn't chipper but didn't look like any of his bits were dropping off.

The theory is that such activities builds everyday courage and resilience, making it easier to cope with life.

No matter what problem befalls your day you can say, "Oh well, at least it wasn't as bad as that swim I had this morning."

But the same could be said of any bad thing. Why not start the day by trapping your hand in the car door, eat raw chillies or watch Piers Morgan? Everything seems better in comparison.

There's a chance it's nonsense. If being cold made you happier the weather so far this year would have made us all over the moon.

Share:

21/02/2018

Podcast ep21: The Illuminati, Winter Olympics and Tree Poison

Oooh, a podcast.

The Friday night show on BBC Radio Kent that reviews the week's news is now a podcast too. Edited highlights are packaged up into pod-form for you listening pleasure and it's free.

In this week's episode, S01E21, a high up politician says the Illuminati is real, so he doesn't have long left, the war on plastic continues and the mysterious case of poison in a tree.

Subscribe to the podcast now to get it free every week.




Download the mp3.

     | Subscribe with iTunes | Subscribe via RSS feed |



Share:

Get the FREE SomeNews email






"Today's Some News email is hilarious... Subscribe if you haven't yet! Top stuff" 

Twitter

LIVE SHOWS

The SomeNews Live Show
See where the SomeNews Live Show will be next.

Contact

Written/edited by Mr Steve N Allen
If you need to get in touch email info@somenews.co.uk, call 07510334318 or Skype SomeNews.co.uk. See the About SomeNews page for more info.

Blog Archive