To Prague, where there are plans to run an underground train for people to try and find someone to pull. It's a special "love train". Or if you're the kind of perv who enjoys rubbing your crotch into the person in front of you during rush hour, it's just like every other train.

The plan is to have a special section on some trains where single commuters will go and potentially find a partner while travelling. You'll be able to tell which carriage it is as there will be a sign, and it'll just be full of fat businessmen.

I hope the rules are enforced. If you get on there with a wedding ring you should get tutted at like someone using a mobile phone in the quiet carriage.

Some people don't like the idea. One male passenger said: "When I'm in a rush, I enter the first open door I see. I should watch out now and make sure no one starts seducing me." Don't worry, take it from me, you get used to it.

Still, it's nice to know you can meet someone and get off a few minutes later.

Venezuela is running out of toilet roll. It's causing a national panic. Now is not a good time to be a Labrador puppy over there, you could be shot on sight.

People over there have been panic buying loo roll. It's tricky, because you don't want to panic too much, or you'll have an accident and use up all your supply.

The paper shortage is an embarrassing episode for new president Nicolas Maduro, who was chosen as Hugo Chavez’s successor before the iconic leader’s death in March. He has to be careful how he plays this. Take a lead from Marie Antoinette and don't say, "Let them use a bidet."

One person caught up in this told a journalist, "I’ve been looking for it for two weeks. I was told that they had some here and now I’m in line."

It just makes you realise how lucky we are. Even the people suffering in the Eurozone countries don't have that problem. In fact, as the Euro fails and the notes are worth the paper they're printed on, if anything they have more paper to wipe their arses with.

The government has promised to import 50 million rolls in the next few weeks and has blamed the shortage on anti-Maduro forces attempting to destabilise the country.

Yes. If I wanted to bring down a nation I'd do it by cutting off their bog roll supply. You know what they say, "society is two meals away from anarchy". I think it's probably two poos away from it too.

I covered another radio show, and if you missed it (or even if you didn't) here are some of the bits from it. It was broadcast on Friday 17th of May 2013.

In the minipodcast we talk about the places you have got yourself stuck, and the retirement of David Beckham. And the final listener feedback voicemails.


To find more radio show minipodcasts see here.



Download the mp3 or ogg

    

And if you enjoyed that check out my SomeNews Topical Podcast.

A man in Sweden has died after having sex with a hornet's nest.

Did it have HIV? Wow, shocker!

No, a 35-year-old man was discovered with 146 stings on his body, of which 54 were on his genitals.

I can't help thinking one of his mates will be at the funeral sobbing, "Why didn't he listen!? I didn't say, 'Get yourself a horNET...'"

He was left so bloated by the fatal incident, neighbours mistook him for a whale carcass when they saw his inflamed body lying on a lawn.

So the moral of the story is, don't try to have sex with hornets. And if you need to be told that I should also say don't try to nail your face to a post, lick the electrified rail on The London Underground, or try to quit breathing for Lent. I'm here to help.

I covered another radio show, and if you missed it (or even if you didn't) here are some of the bits from it. It was broadcast on Thursday 16th of May 2013.

In the minipodcast we talk why you may have been sacked, we talk to Tom from McFly and even more listener feedback.


To find more radio show minipodcasts see here.



Download the mp3 or ogg

    

And if you enjoyed that check out my SomeNews Topical Podcast.

I was lucky enough to get to chat to Tom Fletcher, aka Tom from McFly. He's very tech-savvy, and by that I mean he's a bit of a social media expert. I'm a massive social media obsessive, so we ended up talking about that. Have a listen.


Download the mp3 or ogg

I covered another radio show, and if you missed it (or even if you didn't) here are some of the bits from it. It was broadcast on Wednesday 15th of May 2013.

In the minipodcast we talk about your strange claims to fame, review the papers and get more of your listener feedback.


To find more radio show minipodcasts see here.



Download the mp3 or ogg

    

And if you enjoyed that check out my SomeNews Topical Podcast.

My favourite headline of the day, from the Express...

"The Duchess of Cambridge claims top spot in favourite pregnant celebrity hairstyle poll"

Wow. Who knew they did a poll of people's favourite hairstyles of pregnant celebrities? That gets to the bottom of the issues that everyone's talking about.

I tried to make my own list of favourite pregnant celebrity hairstyles after reading this. I was a list of only one person because I couldn't think of more. And the only reason there was one on the list was because I'd just read about Kate Middleton.

It's Fabriah.com that surveyed 350 women about who had the best hair while pregnant. I've read the rest of the survey and it includes people like Halle Berry and Frankie Sandford from The Saturdays.

Sadly it let me down. I was hoping that somewhere in the results would be a celebrity with nice hair but who isn't actually pregnant, they've just got fat lately. Shame.

I covered another radio show, and if you missed it (or even if you didn't) here are some of the bits from it. It was broadcast on Tuesday 14th of May 2013.

In the minipodcast we talk about the things you would rather do than go to see Justin Bieber and the things in life that are minor gripes but make you say, "Oooh there's nothing worse." And we get more listener feedback.

To find more radio show minipodcasts see here.



Download the mp3 or ogg

    

And if you enjoyed that check out my SomeNews Topical Podcast.

Nearly a third of people would rather do housework or go to a Justin Bieber concert that do physical exercise, according to what I can only assume was a badly worded survey.

Do these people realise it's not and either or? If Bieber has managed to convince people he's the only alternative to the gym no wonder he's the biggest celeb in the world. He's be as popular as obesity, and that's doing very well these days.

Maybe that's why he didn't get too many complaints when he was two hours late to start his shows. People were thinking, "Well, this is annoying but it's two hours where I haven't have to try and work out while no-necked guys make me feel bad."

The same survey asked people who often they exercised. 32% said once a month. That's an awful lot of going to see Justin. Seeing him once a month.

But let's not forget there was another option. Doing housework. I could just do a bit of housework and save myself from the gym and JB? Brill. And it explains why teenagers have such messy rooms. That's science.

I covered another radio show, and if you missed it (or even if you didn't) here are some of the bits from it. It was broadcast on Monday 13th of May 2013.

In the minipodcast we talk about the lies that you hear all the time that you can tell are lies a mile off. And we get more listener feedback.

To find more radio show minipodcasts see here.



Download the mp3 or ogg

    

And if you enjoyed that check out my SomeNews Topical Podcast.

Bidialectalism is on the increase. Fair enough. Whatever you get up to in your own home.

This is actually a condition where people speak with two distinct accents. Apparently it's on the rise in the UK.

On the rise? I thought it was already at 100%. We all have our normal voice with our normal accent, and then we have the voice that we use on the phone, in case someone important has called.

I saw it when I was growing up in the north. I'd hear, "Ey up mi duck, phone's ringin'! I'll gerrit! *click* Hello, the Allen residence."

Even then I used to think, "I doubt the Queen has our number."

You can tell when someone is using their telephone voice because they say yourself and myself. "OK, what we can do for yourself is send yourself a letter about this from myself. Is that OK for yourself?"

Apparently the rise of bidialectalism is because we sometimes have to alter our accents to be more easily understood. No, no need. If you have an accent that means no one can understand you, just get a job at a call centre.