18/01/2017

Trump and Adverts [Podcast]

In this cover show we talk about what else the Donald Trump scandal would have been about, we look at the cartoons you like and the adverts you hate.

Here's the podcast of it for you to download/listen. (Originally broadcast on Wednesday 11th of January 2017.)




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[Newspaper Column] Bins and Queues

Each week the Romford Recorder has the Steve Allen column. And now you can find it in the Ilford Recorder too. If you're around East London and West Essex you can buy the newspaper every Thursday/Friday, or follow @mrstevenallen to see the columns on Twitter. You can also read the archive of past ones, which can be found here.


You can click the image to zoom in on the paper, or read the column below.


It doesn't take much to get a radio phone-in to talk about immigration. Whatever the topic, from TV shows to the price of fruit, someone will want to move the debate onto migration.

That doesn't mean we shouldn't talk about it. This week Dame Louise Casey was speaking to MPs on the Communities and Local Government select committee about integration. She said people moving to the UK should be taught how to put the bins out and queue. Some have been afraid to comment on this for fear of being called politically incorrect.

Not me. Surely teaching people about bin days can only be a good thing. With certain colour bins going on on certain days with certain types of rubbish you need a PhD to understand the rules. Do you remember a few years ago the public anger at the woman who put a cat in a wheelie bin? Half of it was sympathy for the poor cat but the rest was annoyance that she didn't have to spend an hour working out which bin to use.

Around Christmas bin days are harder to get right than the lottery. I wait till enough of my neighbours have put their bins out and copy them. In an area of high immigration where no one understands the bins no one will go first. Anarchy.

And queuing shouldn't only be included in the UK induction course, we should be teaching it at school. Not just the basics, A-level queuing like the queue for a cash point where you have a leave a gap for people to pass.

But if you really want lessons on how to blend in, they should teach you how to call a radio phone-in and make any topic a rant about what you want to talk about.

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13/01/2017

Animals and Lasagna [Podcast]

In this cover show we talk about the meats in your lasagna, we talk about the mind of animal you would be if you were to be one and we also talk about wrinkle creak.

Here's the podcast of it for you to download/listen. (Originally broadcast on Tuesday 10th of January 2017.)




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Get the info on how to listen to the show live here.

To find more radio show minipodcasts see here.
All past episodes can be found in the radio podcast archive.
And if you enjoyed that check out the SomeNews Topical Podcast.



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11/01/2017

SomeNews v3.0 - ep6 - Trump's Golden Age and Pay Caps

SomeNews podcast

It's the new SomeNews Podcast.

In the all new v3.0 of the SomeNews podcast Steve N Allen and Erich McElroy chat through the news and bring you a handy digest of the latest. This time we look at the latest Donald Trump scandal, Fat Cat Wednesday and we find out how to make people at work finally shut up.





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10/01/2017

[Newspaper Column] 2017

Each week the Romford Recorder has the Steve Allen column. And now you can find it in the Ilford Recorder too. If you're around East London and West Essex you can buy the newspaper every Thursday/Friday, or follow @mrstevenallen to see the columns on Twitter. You can also read the archive of past ones, which can be found here.


You can click the image to zoom in on the paper, or read the column below.


It’s time for my predictions for 2017.

2016 wasn’t the easiest of years. We lost a lot of loved celebrities, especially towards the end. I can’t be the only person who has a news alert of their smartphone that tells you when a big news story breaks and in December they always seemed to be about the passing of a famous person. It got to the point where if I phone bleeped I presumed it wasn’t a text for me, it was some sad celebrity news. I’m not that popular and 2016 was that bad.

The good thing about following a bad year is that statistically things should get better. This year my prediction is more certainty. Last year we didn’t know who would be president in America, we didn’t know which way Brexit would go, we had no idea that Brangelina were on rocky ground and votes to name that research vessel Boaty McBoatface were still wide open.

2017 is already a done deal. We know that Donald Trump will get his inauguration soon. They don’t call it a crowning over there, which is good because no headgear would stay on that trained mink he has resting on his head.

We know that 2017 will include a lot of people still going on about Brexit, but like the sound of a vacuum cleaner it will eventually seem like soothing white noise.

And the remaining parts of Brangelina will be on the market again. I’m already keeping an eye on Tinder.

The only difference we have to look forward to in 2017 is the new £1 coin. It’s a 12-sided shape, a dodecagon. It basically looks like they have trimmed the current coin, which given the weaker pound seems about right.
In the coming year that’s the kind of change I’m hoping to get a lot of.

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Office Extortion [Podcast]

In this cover show we talk about the cost of working in an office, it was cheat day (sexually, not the food one) and the Tube Strike was causing problems and some mystery.

Here's the podcast of it for you to download/listen. (Originally broadcast on Monday 9th of January 2017.)




Download the mp3.

     | Subscribe with iTunes | Subscribe via RSS feed | | |

Get the info on how to listen to the show live here.

To find more radio show minipodcasts see here.
All past episodes can be found in the radio podcast archive.
And if you enjoyed that check out the SomeNews Topical Podcast.



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07/01/2017

[Newspaper Column] 2016

Each week the Romford Recorder has the Steve Allen column. And now you can find it in the Ilford Recorder too. If you're around East London and West Essex you can buy the newspaper every Thursday/Friday, or follow @mrstevenallen to see the columns on Twitter. You can also read the archive of past ones, which can be found here.


You can click the image to zoom in on the paper, or read the column below.


Another year draws to an end. I don't know what I'm surprised, I should've seen it coming. It was even printed in the calendar and everything.

Be it on the radio show, the podcasts you can still find online or in this column we've covered lots this year.

In January we looked at the plans for another Thames crossing which would require a new junction on the M25 between j29 and j30. The main issue was there isn't a number between 29 and 30. I still worry it'll end up like Platform 9¾ at Kings Cross.

In June we heard that paracetamol not only lessens pain it also numbs the area of the brain that is responsible for empathy, which made us wonder, just how many tables was Iain Duncan Smith on?

West Ham moved grounds around the same time I was moving home. I was shocked by the amount of stuff I'd collected and I hadn't been there for 112 years like they had, so they must've hired a van.

The Olympics inspired me to start running again. In my mind I looked like the athletes in Rio while running but anyone who saw me thought, “Looks like there's a sale on in the cake shop.”

MP Stephen Metcalfe suggested people who are delayed at the Dartford Crossing shouldn't have to pay the toll. YES! If I wanted to waste hours of my life and pay for it I’d go to see a Kevin Costner film.

And we got a new five-pound note just in time for the pound to take a dive after Brexit. Everything is more expensive. I went to use the public toilets and it cost 30p to spend a penny now. I nearly did myself a mischief trying to get my money's worth.

Here's to 2017. Have a good one.

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The Tryin' To Make Up Songs Blues

As part of a radio show I got to cover recently I was joined by an excellent blues band called The Mustangs. For a while, if you're smart, you can track it down on the iPlayer, but here's a clip of my favourite moment. Their drummer had to leave so they were left without a percussion section, but that's OK, as a blues outfit they can turn any misfortune into a song and that's kind of what happens here.

Here's a clip taken from the show for you to listen to and enjoy.

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27/12/2016

[Newspaper Column] Trains

Each week the Romford Recorder has the Steve Allen column. And now you can find it in the Ilford Recorder too. If you're around East London and West Essex you can buy the newspaper every Thursday/Friday, or follow @mrstevenallen to see the columns on Twitter. You can also read the archive of past ones, which can be found here.




You can click the image to zoom in on the paper, or read the column below.


There are many things that make me happy to be part of this local area. The people, the hopes for the future, the great radio show you can listen to in the afternoons. And now I can add to that list the trains.

Normally I am one to complain about public transport. No one enjoys being squashed into a metal box with strangers unless you're into that kind of thing, and why aren't schools these days teaching the meaning of the words “quiet carriage”? But I have to be grateful that we are not serviced by Southern Rail.

Yet more strike action led to the company saying customers were 'strongly advised to consider alternative methods of transport wherever possible'.

Bless them for trying to help but don't they realise, if someone had an alternative method of transport to one where you pay thousands a year to arrive at work late and smelling of the armpits of others they may have taken that option by now.

I was just about to send the Southern passengers a commiseration card when I saw the Post Office was going on strike too on the run up to Christmas, aka the only time you have to send anything in the post.

Kevin Gilliland, the Post Office's network and sales director, said, “It will be business as usual.” You know, when lots of people refuse to go to work and it doesn't affect your business, it not a good sign.

The only real difference is that some older folk won't have a queue to stand in and chat to strangers. So if that happens on the run up to Christmas go and get on a Southern train. They'll be back from striking then and the people you talk to won't be able to go anywhere.

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26/12/2016

Steve and Larry Special [Podcast]

As a Christmas special Steve and Larry joined forces for this look back at the entertainment news of 2016.

You can also hear Larry's Xmas special from last year here.

From Cheryl to Katy Perry, via nearly all of the Spice Girls and even the Royals, this is the best of celeb gossip for 2016.

You can get all the rest of Larry's work on his SoundCloud page here.




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     Subscribe with iTunes Subscribe via RSS feed | Now on Stitcher |

To find more radio show minipodcasts see here.
All past episodes can be found in the radio podcast archive.
And if you enjoyed that check out the SomeNews Topical Podcast.

Have a very merry one and see you for more fun in the new year.

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20/12/2016

Honey G Interview [Podcast]

Another special episode, this time we talked to Honey G from The X Factor about the exerience of being in the TV, the press and the future music career and new single. Plus Steve raps.

Here's the podcast of it for you to download/listen. (Originally broadcast on Tuesday 20th of December 2016.)




Download the mp3.

     | Subscribe with iTunes | Subscribe via RSS feed | | |

Get the info on how to listen to the show live here.

To find more radio show minipodcasts see here.
All past episodes can be found in the radio podcast archive.
And if you enjoyed that check out the SomeNews Topical Podcast.



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10/12/2016

[Newspaper Column] Money

Each week the Romford Recorder has the Steve Allen column. And now you can find it in the Ilford Recorder too. If you're around East London and West Essex you can buy the newspaper every Thursday/Friday, or follow @mrstevenallen to see the columns on Twitter. You can also read the archive of past ones, which can be found here.


You can click the image to zoom in on the paper, or read the column below.


This week I’m in Austria performing my stand-up show.

I could talk about the election over here that nearly saw a far-right candidate in power. A lot of recent elections have gone to the right, the US election for example. And not just on a national level, Ethel is now in charge of my local neighbourhood watch and you do not want to get her talking about foreigners.

But there’s something else that strikes you when you’re aboard, how much you miss our money. Euros feel like fancy parking slips. There’s nothing quite like the good old British five pound note.

It’s always in the news. A while back I read that most fivers in London contain traces of cocaine. Isn’t it gross to think that the tatty old note has been up some chatty person’s nose?

The new five pound note is made from a polymer so you can wipe it clean, but even that note has been in the news.

One headline I saw read, “Have you got a fiver worth £20k?”

I read that I thought, “Wow. Just how much cocaine are on these things?”

Four special polymer notes engraved with a portrait of Jane Austen, by artist Graham Short, have gone into circulation. If you rub your finger over the £ sign it may appear.

Nice idea but stop turning our money into scratch cards. We have enough of a problem with gambling.

On top of all that we hear that the new note uses tallow in its production and therefore isn’t vegan-friendly. Of course it’s not, it doesn’t grow on trees you know.

If you wish to avoid animal by-products, gambling or drugs it’s best to avoid the £5 note. Send them to me. I’ll get rid of them for you.

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07/12/2016

SomeNews v3.0 - ep5 - Brexit Look Back

SomeNews podcast

It's the new SomeNews Podcast.

In the all new v3.0 of the SomeNews podcast Steve N Allen and Erich McElroy chat through the news and bring you a handy digest of the latest. This time we do a look back at the Brexit vote.





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