More Women Have Affairs After Mother's Day

I've often wondered why new fathers buy a Mother's Day card for their wives on behalf of their newborn. It's not like she's going to believe the kid bought it. Where would he/she get the money? How did he/she get to the shops? Why is it written in a blue biro and not just smeared in shit? Any of those questions would unpick the lie.

It turns out it is worth going to the effort though. According to a cheating website women are 4 times more likely to seek out affairs after a lackluster Mother's Day.

That seems a little misdirected. If you're kids don't make you feel special you cheat on your husband? I know there's not a Wife's Day to test the hubby but it still seems a little unfair. If your offspring don't make you feel like the world's best mum how about you cheat on your kids? Start seeing other teenagers behind their back (already this seems like advice 1970's TV presenters got but I'll stick with it).

You could arrange to do the washing for some other young people or offer to help out with a student's loan. They'd be ever so grateful and they'd make you feel like a great mum, you know, in the way you just don't feel at home anymore.

When you eventually get caught you can still say, "While I was giving that young person a lift to school I was thinking of you, honest I was." But you'd would've had the thrill, the excitement of sneaking off to be appreciated as a mother. In some ways it's your children's fault. They were taking you for granted and a mother has needs.

But no, a rubbish Mother's Day and four times as many women are logging onto a website to find some bloke to shag. This is according to a dating website for people who want to have an affair, AshleyMadison.com, whose slogan is: 'Life is short. Have an affair.' And if you get caught, it would be a whole lot shorter.

It's all about Mother's Day not being as good as you'd hope, as one relationship expert said, "Whenever we have high expectations, we are bound to be let down.'

True. But then, I have high expectations for the new Star Wars films, it doesn't mean that if Jar Jar Binks comes back I have to go out and tap some strange. You see what I mean, it's about misdirecting the retribution.

Although if your Mother's Day is a flop and you go out and have sex with a stranger there's a chance you'll get pregnant, keep the baby and maybe, just maybe, that child will remember to send you a Mother's Day card when it grows up.

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