This Music Will Make You Fitter

Recently there has been a lot of worry about drugs in sport. That's one of the main reasons Bridge wasn't allowed to be considered a sport, most people who play it are on something for the arthritis, blood pressure and cholesterol.

Mo Farah has been been investigated to see if he was caught up in the scandal. I hope the investigation was respectful, because if he goes on the run they'll never catch him.

And Paula Radcliffe was all but mentioned by an MP which brought awkward questions about her record. It can't be that hard to get a urine sample from her, just follow her with a cup.

Thankfully there's something that can stop all this silly drug using in sport. You don't need it. Scientists have found that listening to music by Eminem can boost athletic performance by 10%. Either we embrace this and play Eminem music to all athletes or we ban it as a performance enhancing substance. You'd still get runners using it during training but stopping before the race so they pass the test. The test would be to play that song from Dido and if they say, "Oooh, Eminem," you've got 'em.

Songs including Lose Yourself and Without Me have been found to "significantly" increase power and endurance during prolonged periods of intensive exercise. That's odd because in NLP "Lose Yourself" isn't the most positive of suggestions for a runner. The only sport that would suffer even more from that suggestion would be orienteering.

Researchers spent three months working with the British swimmer Ben Hooper to create a "soundtrack to success". Results show that the music of Bob Marley is likely to cause fatigue and a lacklustre performance. So Eminem is a replacement for amphetamines and Marley is a substitute for marijuana. This research will do the drug dealers out of business.

The study by Hartpury College found for a track to help with performance the lyrics had to "strike a chord with the test subject".

It's great that the music of Eminem can help someone achieve better results but if the person you're working with really gets lyrics about a guy who writes letters to celebs, gets drunk and locks his girlfriend in the boot of his car, maybe you'd be safer working elsewhere.

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