Some News

16/01/2014

What's In A Name

1/16/2014 10:44:00 amSomeNews, to-app

New research has found which women make the best wives. "Oooh, useful research," you may think, and you'd be unsurprisingly wrong.

The study found that women called Katie, Sophie and Louise make the best wives. I'm not sure what you're meant to do with this information. If you are a single man you could refuse to marry anyone apart from Katie/Sophie/Louise but if you have already have a wife what can you do? Talk her into changing it by Deed Poll?

And if it only works with people who have already had that name it's still a craps shoot, it's not like all Katies are a safe bet. For every Melua and Holmes you get a Price or a Hopkins. For every Louise Nurding there's a Louise Redknapp.

They ran the same figures for men and the best husbands are men named David, Andrew and Daniel. So if you know any couples who are called Katie and David feel free to go right ahead and hate them already.

They broke down the research into different traits. Sarahs and Emilys were likely to be kind and caring. So Prince Andrew let a good one go. Women named Charlotte and Elizabeth were seen as particularly desirable. So at least Prince Andrew's dad landed a keeper.

A spokesman for the company that did the survey said: "Every time we hear mention of a name we naturally associate particular values or impressions based on our past experiences."

He's right. Try calling your kid Adolf and see how his school years go.

He went on: "It seems certain names tend to crop up more than others when thinking about the qualities of a good husband or wife and the lists no doubt make interesting reading to many."

Well, it only makes interesting reading to those people whose names come up in the list. If you're not in it you probably think it's a load of rubbish. And that's why I mentioned it on this site, in at number 10 in the top 10 best husbands, Stephen. So ladies, you know what that means? When 9 other men have turned you down... *waves*

>Read the source story

[Radio Podcast] The Little Wins & Big Laughs

1/13/2014 08:56:00 pmAudio, Podcasts, RadioPod

Today was the last cover show of a little run on Time FM. In this final transmission we got chatting about the little wins that get you through life, we talked about David Seaman and the last time you had a big laugh. Here's the podcast of it for you to download/listen. (Originally broadcast on Monday 13th January 2014.)

I'm back doing the show next Sunday from 7am till midday. For details on how to listen see this section.

Download the mp3

To find more radio show minipodcasts see here.
And if you enjoyed that check out the SomeNews Topical Podcast.

[Radio Podcast] Dares/Bets & Messages to the Past

1/12/2014 06:54:00 pmAudio, Podcasts, RadioPod

The Sunday show this week covered The Voice's dating show spin-off, messages to the past, and the dares and bets that you have done. It was a fun show and here's the podcast of it for you to download/listen. (Originally broadcast on Sunday 12th January 2014.)

I'm back doing the show next Sunday from 7am till midday. For details on how to listen see this section.

Download the mp3

To find more radio show minipodcasts see here.
And if you enjoyed that check out the SomeNews Topical Podcast.

[Radio Podcast] Super Size vs Super Skinny & Annoyances

1/10/2014 09:28:00 amAudio, Podcasts, RadioPod

On the show we talked about the things that people do in public that bother you, John Terry's home win, and we chat with the lady who was on last night's Super Size vs Super Skinny. Here's the podcast of it for you to download/listen. (Originally broadcast on Friday 10th January 2014.)

I'm back doing the show next Sunday from 7am till midday. For details on how to listen see this section.

Download the mp3

To find more radio show minipodcasts see here.
And if you enjoyed that check out the SomeNews Topical Podcast.

Naked Man In Washing Machine - [Vodcast]

1/09/2014 12:11:00 pmPodcasts, SNLiveVid, to-email, Video

The SomeNews Live Show has returned to London for 2014. Every week there's live topical comedy on the Southbank.

The first show back gives us this video, all about the plight of a man who was stuck in his washing machine, naked of course. You can watch the video below, see it on YouTube and now see it has a vodcast.

Have a look...

Watch on YouTube, get it via bit torrent, or download the mp4
See more videos from past SomeNews topical shows

You can subscribe to my YouTube channel to get these videos, or get them in your email by joining the SomeNewsletter list Subscribe to the vodcast with the RSS feed .

[Radio Podcast] Time Travel & Things To Bring Back

1/05/2014 05:13:00 pmAudio, Podcasts, RadioPod

On the show we talked about the return of the ZX Spectrum and the other things from the past you'd like to see returned, the proof of time travel on social media, how to avoid attack dogs and Larry's Entertainment News is back. Here's the podcast of it for you to download/listen. (Originally broadcast on Sunday 5th January 2014.)

I'm back doing the show next Sunday from 7am till midday. For details on how to listen see this section.

Download the mp3

To find more radio show minipodcasts see here.
And if you enjoyed that check out the SomeNews Topical Podcast.

Fox Found In Donkey Meat

1/05/2014 04:50:00 pmSomeNews, Strange, to-app, to-email

Remember the good old days when we were worried about horse meat in our burgers. We were shocked that horse DNA was found in some ready meals. I don't know why we assumed that meant it was the meat from a horse. The DNA is found in other bits too. Maybe we all upset the horses and they were doing in our burgers what upset waiters do in our main courses.

Time gives perspective and a year on we think, "You know what, it was close. A cow and a horse aren't that different. They live in a field, have four legs, eat grass... yeah, close enough." Especially when you think about what happened in China.

Wal-Mart, the world’s largest retailer, has recalled donkey meat sold at some outlets in China after tests showed the product contained the DNA of other animals including fox.

OMG they have been selling donkey meat that includes fox. But also, OMG, they have been selling donkey meat that includes donkey. Why would you eat donkey? What dish is crying out for it? Who has ever tasted something and said, "You know what this needs? A little ass." Actually, don't answer that.

The fact that I find the idea of eating a donkey odd is mainly down to the nation I live in, and as a smaller affect, the rides I had on Skegness beach. We all freaked out about horse back in 2013 but just across the English channel is a nation that doesn't mind eating horse. Cows are sacred in Hinduism but in America they worship at the church with the golden arches. The line between what is gross to eat and what is a tasty meal is arbitrary. Some people don't like the idea of eating another mammal but give them a prawn with a brown line running up its body that's actually the shit it never got round to pooping and they'll stick it in a dip and tuck in.

The line moves too. If you were hungry enough, or desperate enough to relaunch your media career on ITV1, you'd eat any weird animal in the jungle. I always wondered why certain celebs are willing to film sex tapes to get in the news, but when you look at the alternative it makes sense.

So there we have it, different countries are freaked out by different meats. We didn't want horse in our beef and the Chinese don't want fox in their donkey, right? Well, one consumer took to the Chinese version of Twitter to say: "Isn't fox meat more expensive than donkey meat anyway?"

OMG they have been selling fox meat that includes fox.

>Read the source story

[Radio Minipodcast] 3rd January 2014 - Horoscope Rubbish & Nigella

1/03/2014 02:27:00 pmAudio, Podcasts, RadioPod

The last of the week of cover shows on radio happened today. I talked about the TV shows starting in the new year, Nigella's confession on US TV, why dogs only pee in one direction (not the boy band) and some horoscope rubbish. Here's the podcast of it for you to download/listen.

I'm back doing the show next Sunday from 7am till midday. For details on how to listen see this section.

Download the mp3

To find more radio show minipodcasts see here.
And if you enjoyed that check out the SomeNews Topical Podcast.

Typo Tattoo

1/03/2014 02:16:00 pmSomeNews, Strange, to-app, to-email

I've never got tattoos. I can't understand how you can be so sure that what you think looks good now you will still like in 10 years. If I think back 10 years I made some bad fashion choices. I'm so pleased I don't have to still wear my "I ♥ Blazin' Squad" t-shirt.

Some tattoos don't take a decade to regret. A 19-year-old called Millie is in the news because she wanted to copy Tulisa's famous "Female Boss" tattoo on her arm. I'm not sure how true Tulisa's tattoo was because she still managed to get sacked from The X factor, but that's by the by.

The trouble was, Millie went to a tattoo artist who admitted he was dyslexic and even though Millie wrote down the spelling for him she still ended up with a tattoo that read, "Feamale Boss".

What a nightmare. Now she looks like a female boss who can't get the staff. There's no skin Tippex, that's permanent. She's now had a large quill design tattooed over it but that takes up most of her forearm. What she should've done is go back to get a red squiggly line tattooed under Feamale to make it look like a spelling error in Microsoft Word.

Millie said: 'My friend said to me, "are you sure female has an 'a' in it?' and I said yes, because it has. I thought she meant second "a" but she didn't.'

So you thought your friend was asking if it should be spelled, "Femle Boss"? Low opinion of your friends there.

Millie added, 'Basically, it's my own fault, isn't it.'

Aw, bless. You have to feel sorry for her. She goes to get a tattoo in good faith and ends up with a spelling error on her arm. I think we should all get a tattoo with an extra letter in it to make poor Millie feel better about herself. We should work together to cheer her up, because after all, there's no I in team. Unless you go to that tattooist.

>Read the source story

[Radio Minipodcast] 2nd January 2014 - Sherlock & Bum Dialling

1/02/2014 09:03:00 pmAudio, Podcasts, RadioPod

I covered another radio show today, talking about immigration, Sherlock's TV comeback and the story of a deadly bum dial. Here's the podcast of it for you to download/listen. (Originally broadcast on Thursday 2nd January 2014).

I'm back doing the show next Sunday from 7am till midday. For details on how to listen see this section.

Download the mp3

To find more radio show minipodcasts see here.
And if you enjoyed that check out the SomeNews Topical Podcast.

[Radio Minipodcast] 1st January 2014 - New Years Day Edition

1/01/2014 07:49:00 pmAudio, Podcasts, RadioPod

We start the New Year as we mean to go on, SomeNews' Mr Steve N Allen was on radio, presenting a live show, New Year's edition. Here's the podcast of it for you to download/listen. (Originally broadcast on Wednesday 1st January 2014).

Steve will be back doing the show next Sunday from 7am till midday. For details on how to listen see this section.

Download the mp3

To find more radio show minipodcasts see here.
And if you enjoyed that check out the SomeNews Topical Podcast.

The Migrants Are Coming!

1/01/2014 05:26:00 pmNewspapers, SomeNews, to-app, to-email

Happy New Year to you. I write this from under a den I have created from sofa cushions and a dressing gown over the end. I'm hiding for my own safety. According to the newspapers the migrant flood from Romania and Bulgaria has started today so I can only assume that outside of my den we're awash with foreigners. I hope this message gets to you before one of them takes my job and writes this website for me.

The papers have been telling us to expect masses of immigrants coming over here, living off the state, etc. The 1st of January saw the restrictions lifted on their low skilled workers coming here so no wonder I was worried. It's hard to see how bad things are from inside my comfy fortress but as I was climbing in I saw that the first plane full had landed in Luton airport. They showed the one Romanian migrant who was on that plane getting off, saying he wanted to clean cars. Damn it! That was going to be my job if this media lark didn't work out.

The fact that there was only one guy on this plane wasn't quite what had been expected. It said in the paper, "At least 5,000 are expected in the first week alone." The 4,999 must've got a later flight. If you don't check in on time they can be right sticklers.

Anyway, many are thought to be arriving by coach not plane. The coaches have to travel 1,600 miles across many countries to get here. When they arrive they'll be filthy. So that's why they send over the car washer first. My god, they're clever.

When the wannbe car washer got off the plane he was greeted by Home Affairs Select Committee chairman Keith Vaz. It's a great plan. If anything will make them get right back on the return flight...

I saw on the news Keith taking the new migrant for a coffee. A coffee that he'll put through on expenses I bet. A coffee they we, the tax payers, will fund. See, they're living off the state already!

While the start may have been slow the news websites still seem to think that thousands of migrants will be making the journey from impoverished villages to fly to Luton. And when you think about it, the crime, the poverty, the basic lack of sanitation, the low education levels and poor health it is depressing. But it's their fault for going to Luton.

>Read the source story

Comedy Podcast 55 - Review of 2013

1/01/2014 10:35:00 amAudio, Podcast, Podcasts, to-email

It's the SomeNews Podcast, episode 55. The end of year special.

We present the SomeNews review of 2013, looking at the big events from the year that we covered on the show.

In this podcast:

Horse meat (starts at 01:27)
New Pope (03:19)
The Falklands (06:35)
Sir Alex Ferguson (07:16)
North Korea (08:58)
Snowden & NSA (12:28)
Rob Ford & celeb druggies (16:47)
Party Conferences (20:54)
UK Energy Prices (24:10)
Monty Python (30:27)
EDL vs EDF (33:01)
Mandela (34:00)
Sports Review (36:34)