This is funny. It’s like Harold Bishop going back into Neighbours. You’re know you’re in trouble when they have to get a cameo from three series ago.
It was suggested that Boris had written ‘supportive’ letters, but this is Boris Johnson we’re talking about. He will have written one letter that’s supportive and one that’s not, and he’ll pick which he feels like, because he’s a man of principles.
And if it’s anything like his Daily Mail column it might be about cheese and cost them half a million to get him to write it. Or the latest sunglasses.
Newspapers have been saying he’s “being parachuted into the disastrous Conservative election campaign” but he is not actually being parachuted because he’s on holiday till the day before the election. He also won’t remember his ID when he goes to the polling station so he’s probably not even voting in this one, let alone fighting it.
But a spokesman for Mr Johnson would not be drawn on whether the letters would mention Mr Sunak. Would it help Rishi to have the letter that will be a reminder of how he drove the knife into the back of the PM that people voted for? The kind of people who could be swayed by a letter from Boris Johnson are probably Boris Johnson fans, which means they won’t like what Rishi did.
Either way, if this doesn’t work they probably have AI Thatcher ready to go.
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The front pages have raised the spectre of a Labour ‘super-majority’ and how that could be dangerous. It was mentioned by the Defence Secretary Grant Shapps in an interview. It’s quite a defensive position but that is his job.
It comes across like he’s given up. He changed the messaging from “vote for a Tory win” to “Oh, please don’t let us lose too badly. Come on, guys. This is going to be embarrassing. We’ve all had our fun but please make us come second.”
We all love an under-dog and somehow the party with an 80 seat majority have become that.
Grant said we need a “proper system of accountability... we would argue that you don’t want to have somebody receive a super-majority.”
They didn’t mention that in 2019 when it looked like they were going to do well. There was never a “vote Tory but let’s not get carried away” poster.
Normally you try to sound positive when fighting a general election. Basically asking the electorate to please let you end up in opposition isn’t a good move but to be fair, most moves they have made in this election campaign haven’t helped either.
Mr Shapps also insisted that there was still “everything to fight for” and the “polls have been wrong before”.
But that would not only need Keir Starmer to start gaffing, he’d have to gaff at a faster rate that Rishi is gaffing to catch up and overtake.
So you’re right, still a chance.
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Mike Newby, 34, an account director – and how doesn’t want to kick an account director - who lives in Cheltenham with his girlfriend, Geo Legate (fitting name) competed in the Cotswold Olimpick Games. I don’t know if you’re meant to stress the “limp” part of the name.
It’s a sporting event that celebrates English folk sports and games, such as tug of war, hammer throwing and the main event, shin kicking, being held on May 31 2024.
It’s a shame they don’t include some Dorset Knob Tossing. We are a strange people. If you didn’t know, a knob is a type of biscuit, which makes even less sense. Who throws away a biscuit?
Just a few weeks after winning the 2023 edition of the competition, Mike hit the gym, did cardio, struck his shins with a hammer. Basically he “Miseried” himself?!
Mike said: “I felt a bit like Maximus from Gladiator.” Well, you weren’t. You were more like Colonel Rosa Klebb from From Russia With Love.
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It was in the ITV debate, during what seemed like a fingers-on-buzzers speed round. They were both asked if a relative was on a long NHS waiting list would you use private medicine?
The real question should have been if YOU were on a long waiting list…
Sir Keir Starmer leader said the health service 'was in his DNA' and cited his wife Victoria's work in occupational health. And the NHS uses tools, and his dad was a toolmaker, you know. He mentioned that a fair few times. Pointing out that your father made tools is inviting people to call you a tool. You wouldn’t leave an easy heckle hanging like that if you were a stand-up.
It’s a theoretical question, so we can’t prove him wrong. Maybe he truly believes that based on how bad the NHS is now, maybe it would still be true if it got worse.
Maybe it’s just something he’s saying because he wants to be PM, but if he wants to be the PM to save the NHS isn’t hardly a bad lie. What it is, is a pointless question that tells us nothing.
This Daily Mail article brushes over the fact that Rishi Sunak said he would, because of course he would, he’s minted. Could you imaging him asking his billionaire wife, “Could you go on the NHS because there’s an election coming up...”
They also mentioned the part of the debate when Starmer said the waiting list numbers had gone from 7.2million to 7.5million and Rishi said that was coming down. Rishi explained: 'They are coming down from when they were higher.’ And this is the guy who wants everyone to be better at maths.
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News sites have been saying things like, “Donald Trump found guilty in hush money case” and thereby showing part of the problem here. It isn’t a hush money trial. The idea of a court case based on payments to an adult actress is great. It’s the plot of a good episode of a TV drama.
It’s not what we have just had. It’s not illegal in America to pay someone hush money and so it shouldn’t be. Firstly, I have worked with a few Americans and I often wish they were being paid to hush. But you can’t criminalise hush money or you’d be blaming the victim in a blackmail case for paying up.
The case all comes down to how payments were recorded. It’s an accounting thing. And if it is so easy to make the court case look like a misdirection, done by someone who is not a Trump fan, imagine the hay Trump supporters can make with this.
If you swing for the king you’d better not miss, or at least if you find Donald Trump to be a convicted felon, you’d better make sure it’s the case that is impactful and sticks.
The timing is awkward. It’s around six months before he goes head-to-head with Joe Biden. Will this scupper his chances? Of course not. This is a man who famously said he could walk onto Fifth Avenue and shoot someone and get away with it, and accountancy isn’t seen as deadly as shooting someone. Actually, there are parts of America that love their guns more than their accountants, so I’ll take that point back.
While some swaying voters will be put off by the idea of voting for a criminal the core vote, the base as they call it with Trump, are reinforced by news like this. The victim-in-chief loves to make out that everything is unfair towards him. In round one, up against Hillary Clinton, he gave us terms like “fake news” and made the press out to be the bad guys. That was helpful because when the press raise some issue he can they avoiding addressing it by calling the press names. An ad hominem against anyone who is a qualified journalist.
So imagine how this feeds into phase two, that the deep state is going after him. It was a weak sauce case.
Do most people think he slept with Stormy? God, yes. Probably even the evangelical right. But he got them their abortion rights win, so don’t blame the sinner, right? Well, unless that sinner needs an abortion. Anyway...
Do people think he used money, through his fixer, to try to make the story go away? Yeah, I bet they do. You’d expect it. It’s the polite thing to do.
Do people think that falsifying business records is a serious crime? No, because it’s not. Normally that would be a misdemeanour. You'd be given a fine, probably for less money that you saved cooking the books and that's how justice works.
Only if you line up all of the events, tie it to the outcome of the US election and have a following wind can you make it sound like a felony. It’ll work for the people who already didn’t like Trump and it proves he’s right to claim he’s a victim to those who already think he’s somehow both the messiah AND a very naughty boy.
He was found guilty of all 34 counts he faced. Unanimity was required for any verdict. WHy didn't they just find him guilty of, say 30 of them? It would be harder for the Trump die-hards to make out it was rigged.
Trump faces a maximum sentence of four years in prison, which doesn’t prevent him from running for the presidency and being president while in jail. It could mean he has to pick Red from Shawshank Redemption as his VP.
All we know so far is that this won’t be the end of it. Trump already spoke to the press (the fake news press?) and said that he was "a very innocent man". Now we’re living in a world where there are gradations of innocence.
Let’s hope the circus that follows this case doesn’t ruin things for the subsequent cases, which are more serious that paying money to get a porn star to close her mouth, for once, and the paperwork you have to do following that.
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It was also thought he referred to trans women as men in dresses, but he was actually talking about his bishops.
The statement says pontiff apologises ‘to those who felt offended by the term reported by others’. It’s a classic non-apology there. I’m sorry for those who felt offended – not sorry for offending, and “the term reported by others” means they’re not admitting his said it.
We’re sorry you felt offended by the thing you think we said.
Pope Francis was talking admitting gay men into seminaries. And he may have pronounced it as “semenaries”. But probably not.
He said there was already too much “frociaggine” in some seminaries. In English it means “a ball or roll of seasoned chopped liver, baked or fried.” I may have looked at the wrong definition when Googling that.
Still, it’s rare to get a papal apology, especially when he’s meant to be infallible. I suppose that’s why the apology was so bad, he can’t admit being fallible without having to quit.
Soon after becoming pope, he famously said in response to a question about gay priests: ”Who am I to judge?” The Pope! And one who knows some slang terms about it.
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That’s what happened to a 70-year-old woman recently. Gillian Mears was in the news after some local wrong ‘uns damaged her garden gate. I know, this is hardly the crimes associated with The Riddler or The Joker but she’s not a full Batman herself. She said that if she got her hands on the youths she’s wring their necks and the police came round to tell her off.
It wasn’t the first time the vandals had struck, so Gillian was already annoyed. The time in question her disabled husband went out to stop them but he fell over. As Gillian went out to help him the young ones mocked them, so she was understandably angry. She called the police and mentioned that if she could she’d wring their necks.
Gillian was interviewed about the incident and said, “When they arrived they told me off for making that threat, which was not a threat it was me just venting my anger.”
It can’t be the first time the police have heard that phrase so they must know that it’s hyperbole. It’s like saying an American saying, “Why I oughta,” or comedian Mike Reid saying he’d give someone a dry slap. I don’t think he ever did.
You could also make the argument that if you’re a criminal and a disabled man and 70-year-old granny can successfully wring your neck, you shouldn’t have picked that fight. If your neck is that fragile, keep away from a granny’s gate.
It’s a sad story because it feels like the police are siding with the criminal. I understand that a wrung neck is more serious than a damaged gate, but that was never a likely outcome here.
It’s made worse when we hear all the time that police won’t attend shoplifting call outs if the goods taken aren’t worth more than £200. I know, with the cost of living crisis, three packets of butter and a steak will probably push you over that threshold but it’s not right that real crimes are ignored while things that are obviously not crimes have the police turning up.
It feels like it’s easier to tell off grannies or to caution someone who posts messages on social media. They’re less care than actual criminals.
The yobs had damaged their gate twice. They asked for three other fences to be taken into consideration.
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The bosses of a World War Two event have had to defend the re-enactors who dressed as Nazis. Or they dressed as Prince Harry, it’s hard to tell at first glance.
Organisers of the Spirit of Wartime event in Nottinghamshire said the event was designed to let people experience life in military camps of both the Allied and Axis military.
To be fair, you’re re-enacting a war, you kind of need both sides or people won’t understand why it took so many years to win it.
They even had a Swastika flag but it’s not been a popular move with everyone. A professor in Holocaust history said the flag seemed 'a bit celebratory'. Really? I’m assuming they didn’t win at the end of the re-enactment.
He also questioned the logic of people who spend money to dress up as Nazis as a hobby.
Against, that’s fair enough. Battle re-enactors are clearly doing it because they can’t stand their own family and want to be out of the house, but that’s true of both sides of the battle.
The thing that’s important is context. If you’re dressing up as a Nazi for work, that’s OK, unless your work is invading Poland. It’s the people with Nazi gear in the bottom draw that they keep secret that we need to watch out for.
There were Nazis in WWII so there’ll be in WWII re-enactments. There are Nazi in the first Captain America film. Should we ban that?
Banning any use of such flags and uniforms won’t stop actual wrong ‘un, it’ll only stop these kind of events, which will improve some people’s weekends but that’s why what we’re going for here.
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The more seats Labour gets in Scotland the less of a record-breaking swing Labour needs in the rest of the UK, and he could well do that. If Labour does well up there, it’s all thanks to the political abilities of one man, Huamza Yusuf. Keir should send a fruit basket as a thanks.
Labour could do well in Scotland as the SNP implode, like it would do well in England because of the Tories doing themselves in. This is like a fight scene in the 1981 film Condorman.
Sir Keir said he needed to win in Scotland, where Labour only held one seat in the 2019 general election, so that he feels he is ruling all of the UK.
You can see his point. If Scotland votes SNP but the leading party is Conservative they can claim they didn’t vote for the leader they got. But that’s how the system works. There are places in the South West that vote Lib Dem who will always be able to say they didn’t vote for the PM.
Scotland has a great knack of making itself the belle of the ball. And Keir is doing the flattery. He’s telling Scotland he needs them even when he doesn’t. Meanwhile Rishi is off telling miracles that he needs them, and he means it.
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First impressions are that it would be a brave and funny business name, “Butcher of Tehran”. A Halal meat shop. But that's not the main point here.
The BBC is facing criticism for saying Ebrahim Raisi, Iran’s hardline president who died in a helicopter crash, had a “mixed legacy”.
Hey, there were good people on both sides, as someone once said. The BBC is all about balance, and you don't want to be too one-sided about a cruel leader.
An obituary published by the broadcaster described the former leader as a figure “loved by hardliners of the Islamic Republic of Iran”. The BBC noted his leadership to ‘reform in processing a backlog of court cases’”.
Since 2021, when Raisi took office, the regime executed 1,844 Iranians, including huge numbers of dissidents and religious minorities, most in sham trials.”
And they are no longer clogging up the courts. Do you know how much quicker a sham trial is compared to a real trial? So, well done BBC for finding a positive spin on this.
Of course, if he was an actual butcher the pressure from the vegan groups would mean the BBC would condemn him in the harshest terms.
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This was announced a day after a damning report found the NHS and government culpable for the tragedy.
It’s not just that they were “culpable”. In Monday’s report, it was pointed out that successive governments ignored warnings about the risks of contamination, engaged in a “cover-up” and resisted for decades holding a public inquiry or paying compensation.
They were running out the clock. If you’re guilty of shortening someone’s life and you drag your heels on doing anything about it, you are clearly hoping they’d all die off. That’s the bigger crime.
The impressive thing here is that we finally had a report with ITV1 having to do a drama about it. There’s hope for this nation yet.
Payments of £210,000 would be made to infected people who have already received interim payments of £100,000, within 90 days “so that they can reach those who need it so urgently most”.
There was a story in the paper of a man who was given contaminated blood, he passed HIV to his pregnant with and he, his wife and his daughter were all dead within a few years. So how does £300k look now?
But, I suppose, the flip side is, imagine how gutted you must be if you have Hep C and you caught it the old fashioned way. No money for you.
This will cost the exchequer £10bn. But they could be repaid by chasing erroneous COVID lockdown payments and… no, they’re still not doing that.
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A sedentary lifestyle is bad for you and children spend too long looking at screens, so one way to fix that is to reduce the amount of homework.
To the pupils who are showing this to their parents, you should rip the paper at this point because the research isn't quite as it seems.
Firstly, the study was done in China. It's a nation where they already do way more homework than we do in the UK. We'd have to do more homework to make the level they reduced theirs to.
That's exactly the kind of detail your parents would focus on but the general point still remains. Doing homework these days requires being on a computer screen of some sort and screentime isn't good for you.
The study found that less screentime resulted in children spending 45 minutes less a day sitting down and they also had earlier bedtimes. Once again, I hope you trimmed this off before showing it to your parents.
When you dig into the details, like only someone who did a lot of homework at school can do, you notice that the study looked at reducing time playing online games and homework. Yet the headlines tell us to reduce homework. How about we reduce the online gaming first? It's like saying being a big building is bad for teenagers, so should we reduce time spent in school or in the local Wetherspoons?
The study suggested changing the laws to prevent online gaming providers letting children play on week nights and stopping schools handing out too much homework.
One of the researchers said: “We know that leaving it to parents doesn’t work. It is much easier for parents when they can tell their children that any more screen time would be against the law.”
Say that anyway. Your children don't know what the law is. They'll believe you if you say something is illegal. My son thinks it's against the law to buy ice cream on a day with a Y in it.
If they want to know the actual law they'll have to do their homework.
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Show off.
In the Stormy Daniels case, Michael Cohen, Trump's former right-hand man, is giving evidence. Given the details we had from Stormy, “right-hand man” has already sent my mind off in the wrong direction.
Here’s a recap. Stormy slept with Trump just after his wife had given birth to their child, so it’s not like the wife would have had the energy to spank him with a magazine with his own face on it. A magazine with your face on it, or as Boris Johnson calls that, voter ID.
Trump got her to sign a NDA and paid her hush money. All perfectly legal in America. Have you met many Americans? They could all do with a lot more hush money.
Cohen made the payment, Trump paid him back but may have listed that money as an election payment. And that might be the crime.
It’s so upsetting that the actual crime isn’t a sexy scandal. It’s accountancy.
As Cohen described working for Trump on his 2016 presidential campaign, Cohen testified in court that the ex-president warned him his run for presidency would lead to negative stories surfacing. “You know that when this comes out … just be prepared. There’s going to be a lot of women coming forward”, Cohen claimed Trump told him.
The candidate for the evangelical Christian America there.
The one thing I don’t understand about this situation is why they tried to cover it up. When Trump gets sued or fined his base love him even more. A scandal where he slept with an adult actress seems like the kind of thing he’s pay $130,000 for now.
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