Comedy Podcast 54 - Mandela's Signer, Obama's Selfie & Bad Laughs

It's the SomeNews Podcast, episode 54.

In this podcast:

The Obama/Cameron Selfie (starts 00:54)
Mandela's Signer (starts 03:59)
Dangerous Laughter (starts 07:11)

The big news was all about Nelson Mandela's memorial, and we look at some of the side issues. And a worrying study finds that laughter may be bad for your health, but don't worry, you won't damage yourself listening to this.




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[Radio Minipodcast] 10th December 2013 - Odd Sleeping Places & Cracker Jokes

Once more I stood in on a radio show and here is a little podcast of some of the bits. (This show was originally broadcast on Tuesday 10th December 2013.)

In this mini-podcast we talk about the strange places you may have fallen asleep and the jokes you get in crackers at Xmas.

I'll be back doing this show next Sunday from 7am till midday. For details on how to listen see this section.



Download the mp3

    

To find more radio show minipodcasts see here.
And if you enjoyed that check out my SomeNews Topical Podcast.

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Boy Fires Pretend Bow

You'll often hear people say, "It's political correctness gone mad!" And I often correct them and say, "The correct term is political correctness gone differently sane." Either way this could be a good example of that.

A ten-year-old boy has reportedly been suspended from school after he "fired" an imaginary bow and arrow at another pupil.

A lot of people have said this is outrageous but this is the kind of thing that can lead to imaginary gun violence and that's at epidemic proportions these days. It's a serious issue for me because, as a child, I lost my imaginary friend to imaginary gun violence. It was horrible. He left behind a wife and kids. Hmm, I had issues.

And if we come down hard on people pretending to have weapons we can stamp out those middle-aged men who point at you with index finger out and thumb up and make that clicking noise.

The fictionally violent kid was Johnny Jones, a fifth grader at South Eastern Middle School in Fawn Grove, Pennsylvania. So that's America, a country where you can buy guns in supermarkets, and you get suspended for pretending to shoot a bow and arrow. That second amendment says you can bear arms not pretend to. In fact, there was a story in the news recently about one state defending the right of blind people to buy guns. If they pick up the wrong thing and pretend that banana they're holding is a gun, they'd be in trouble too.

He was reprimanded after the girl he "fired" the bow at notified a teacher. In his defence, the pretend apple he was aiming for on her head got splattered.

The human rights organisation The Rutherford Institute, which is defending the child, has requested the suspension be removed and no further action be taken.

I'm not sure about totally letting him off. I think he should be flogged, with an imaginary cane. See how he likes it.

>Read the source story

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[Radio Minipodcast] 09th December 2013 - Technology & 11% Pay Rise

Another radio show got covered by me and this is the result, some links knocked into a lovely little podcast. (This show was originally broadcast on Monday 9th December 2013.)

In this mini-podcast we talk about the items of technology in your house that you can't use and how the MPs might not be worth the extra money.

Oh, and good news, I'll be back doing this show next Sunday from 7am till midday. For details on how to listen see this section.



Download the mp3

    

To find more radio show minipodcasts see here.
And if you enjoyed that check out my SomeNews Topical Podcast.

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Another RBS Computer Problem

There's been a cyber attack on the Royal Bank Of Scotland. Well done hackers, you have crippled the computer system that hardly works at the best of times. That's like saying, "Look! Look! I dressed Lady Gaga up in a silly outfit."

Customers were unable to access their NatWest and RBS accounts online and at some cashpoints for the second time in five days. I bank with one of those and I have to say, it wasn't a massive inconvenience. I just had to change the text I send out to "Sorry I can't pay you today, it's the bank's fault." Normally I send one saying, "Sorry I can't pay you, I'm broke." That one is saved in my templates, so it was a bit more work.

Just the other week the EU fined the Royal Bank of Scotland £324m over the Libor rigging issue. And this week they have been unable to let people have their money. They're stalling because they're out of dosh. We've all done it. I think there's only one thing for it. We have to go round and break RBS's thumbs.

>Read the source story

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[Radio Minipodcast] 08th December 2013 - Rebecca Black & Xmas Stress

This morning I was on the radio again, talking about various bits and bobs, most of which have been forged into this mini-podcast. (This show was originally broadcast on Sunday 8th December 2013.)

In this mini-podcast we talk about your tips to make the stress of Christmas shopping less... stressful, and we look at the work of the musical artist Rebecca Black.

Oh, and good news, I'll be back doing this show next Sunday from 7am till midday, and covering one tomorrow (Monday) morning. For details on how to listen see this section.



Download the mp3

    

To find more radio show minipodcasts see here.
And if you enjoyed that check out my SomeNews Topical Podcast.

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Ball for a Car - [Video]

Every week, Mr Steve N Allen's SomeNews goes live in Southbank, London, at Newsday Tuesday.

Below is a short video from the last show in 2013. It's on the cost of living in more ways than one. This week we look at the story of a man who sold a testicle to get a car.

Have a look...


Watch on YouTube or get it via bit torrent

P.S. The topical shows are on a break till the new year but here are all the topical videos from past topical shows - check them out.

P.P.S. You can subscribe to my YouTube channel to get these videos, or get them in your email by joining the SomeNewsletter list.

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Best Invention Ever - Spiky Vest

I have found the best thing to ever be invented in the history of ever. (N.B. I'll fact check that later.)

Designer Siew Ming Cheng has created a spiked vest so people have to give you your personal space on public transport. It's a common complaint. You're on the Tube and someone has their bits up against your bits. No, R Kelly, this is exactly what's wrong with a little bump n grind, I'm trying to read the Metro.

With the spike vest you could finally get off the Tube before the idiots try to cram on. And when you get off, simple unpick the body parts left on your vest and go about your day.

Well, actually, the vest has been made with plastic spikes, not metal ones, so you don't kill passers-by and also so no journalists can leave stories stuck on you.

It's a great invention, but not for the use they suggest. Sure, people standing too close on public transport is a bind, but the spike vest could be put to a far better use - huggers.

I'm from the north, I can't handle these people who hug you to say hello. People you've maybe met once before, probably in a work setting. No. It's not how we did things up there. When people hug me I have to go to my mental "happy place". And I'm from the north, so even my happy place isn't that happy.

So forget the Tube, I'm getting one of these vests. It'll change my life. Wanna celebrate? Sure thing, let's hug it out.

>Read the source story

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[Radio Minipodcast] 01st December 2013 - Bad Gifts & Pig on Money Action

Over the weekend I covered radio shows both mornings. The Saturday one is already online here, but this is the Sunday morning breakfast show. I've chopped it into a minipodcast for your listening pleasure here.This show was originally broadcast on Sunday 1st December 2013.

In this mini-podcast we talk about how a pig's sweet love for a chimp helped us all out and we get a head start on the Christmas gifts that we don't want.

Oh, and good news, I'll be back doing this show next Sunday from 7am till midday. For details on how to listen see this section.



Download the mp3

    

To find more radio show minipodcasts see here.
And if you enjoyed that check out my SomeNews Topical Podcast.

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Man Has Loo Roll Holder Up His Bum

This website deals with all the important stories in the news and there is nothing more important than your health. So the news teaches us a very important message: Do not shove things up your bumhole.

A man was forced to call the emergency services after a toilet roll holder got stuck up his bottom at his house in Newport, South Wales. I'm not sure which of the emergency services you'd ask for. Police, if you consider it breaking and entering. Cave rescue if it's really really far in?

This news story isn't reported in the usual "999 time wasting calls" section that most newspapers love. I guess it was a valid 999 call. And if it wasn't, just set fire to the toilet roll and suddenly it's a very urgent call to the fire brigade.

Firemen then removed the object, with paramedics providing medical attention at the scene.

Whichever newspaper you read this in you don't get to find out why he had the holder crammed up his wrong one, but it's a safe bet that his wife got sick of telling him to put a new roll on when he's used the last piece.

>Read the source story

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[Radio Minipodcast] 30th November 2013 - Mouse in Scampi and Other Sick Foods

Hello, hello, hello. This weekend I did another radio show in Essex, sitting in for the proper presenter. I've whipped up some of the best bits into a little podcast thingy. This show was originally broadcast on Saturday 30th of November 2013.

In this mini-podcast we explain shoutouts, and talk about a man who found a dead mouse in a bag of scampi.



Download the mp3

    

To find more radio show minipodcasts see here.
And if you enjoyed that check out my SomeNews Topical Podcast.

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Sexiest Place in Britain

I don't want to sound like a hairdresser trying to fill silence with pointless chitchat but, have you been on holiday this year?

I ask because the number of holidays in the UK has increased. It's because of the global economic downturn meaning that (a) Brits can't afford to travel, and (b) a lot of foreign countries have closed down.

If you're having a UK holiday, or a "staycation" as it is unfortunately called, how do you pick where to go? You may have done all the classics - the Skegness, the Blackpool - you may have a "Kiss Me Quick" hat. Or maybe you visited the university city of Cambridge and now you have a "Kiss Me Quickly" hat, because they get the point of adverbs. But now there's a new one to try.

The Northern Irish town of Bangor has been named the UK's sexiest place. I can imagine why. When people say, "Last weekend I got on the ferry to Bangor," it sounds like one hell of a booty call.

How can a news story know that a town is the sexiest? Well, it's because its residents spend the most on spicing up their sex lives. Research by adult entertainment specialists Lovehoney has found where in the UK people spend the most bringing excitement into the bedroom.

See, I would've thought it was the other way round. If a sexy town is full of sexy people doing sexy things the residents wouldn't have to buy items to make it more exciting. Heck, that place would be like a ghost town, no one would need to leave the house. It certainly wouldn't show up in a survey. There'd just be someone stood on the High Street holding a clipboard thinking, "Well, where is everybody?"

Bangor's residents spend 6.7 times the national average on their bedroom 'gear', including 10.7 times more on raunchy gifts and ten times the national average on fetish clothing for women.

So, for my next holiday I'm going there. And I'll bring back a hat with three words on it. And it won't be the "Quick" part that gets updated.

>Read the source story

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Crime - [Video]

Every week, Mr Steve N Allen's SomeNews goes live in Southbank, London, at Newsday Tuesday.

Below is a short video from this week's show. In this clip we look some of the recent news about crime in the UK and specifically London, and look at the impact it could be having.

Have a look...


Watch on YouTube or get it via bit torrent

P.S. Here are all the topical videos from past topical shows - check them out.

P.P.S. You can subscribe to my YouTube channel to get these videos, or get them in your email by joining the SomeNewsletter list.

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