31/12/2013

[Radio Minipodcast] 31st December 2013 - Pets Talking & Embarrassing Things

Last radio show of the year. On this one we talked about how owning embarrassing things can actually have an up side, and we spoke to a dog. Here's the podcast of it, have a listen. (Originally broadcast on Tuesday 31st December 2013).

I'll be back doing the show next Sunday from 7am till midday. For details on how to listen see this section.



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30/12/2013

Cheryl Cole's Holiday Fun

Singer Cheryl Cole is in the news today for posting a picture of herself on holiday. There's nothing like waking up in a cold dark UK, getting rained on as I walk to the car, dealing with the M25, getting into work, logging on the computer and seeing that. Yeah, she in no way made me want to punch a weather map of the UK. Thanks Chezza.

I say "singer" Cheryl Cole but she hasn't really been singing for a few years. That's like me calling myself "fair haired".

I'm not criticizing her for not doing much singing lately. Heck, there are many other singers I'd recommend taking a long sabbatical to. And if I'd made some good dosh from a few albums and a TV show I'd be taking some times off. But the only time we ever see Cheryl in the news she's on a beach in a bikini living it up on holiday. She hasn't worked for a couple of years and she's been on one long holiday since. When she gets home the pile of local newspapers behind her door will be massive.

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[Radio Minipodcast] 30th December 2013 - We Are Scum & Role Models

I covered a breakfast show today, and turned it into a poddy again. On the show today we talked about what makes us scummy and who we wanted to be when we grew up. Have a listen below. (Originally broadcast on Monday 30th December 2013).

I'll be back doing the show next Sunday from 7am till midday. For details on how to listen see this section.



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Oh No! Poor People In Waitrose

Waitrose customers are getting upset over the store's loyalty card. Regular customers claim the supermarket's offer of free cups of tea and coffee in all its stores is attracting the wrong type of clientèle. Oooh, people who like free things, dirty.

For months, the upmarket chain has been giving complimentary hot drinks to loyalty card holders – even if they do not make a purchase. That's exactly the kind of shopping I do there. I go in, see the prices and don't make a purchase. It's like the shopping version of looking at porn - I'll never actually get anything as good as that but I like looking at it.

Old school Waitrose customers say giving out drinks is dangerous because some customers are carrying their cups of scalding hot coffee around the aisles as they shop. The health and safety argument is actually a good one. I get shocked at some of the prices, so if I had just taken a sip of coffee I'd spit-take it across the aisle into someone's face.

Penny Clayden, who says she does a weekly £100 shop at the supermarket (so just a couple of items then), said on Facebook: "Please don't turn into a 'soup kitchen' handing out free drinks."

A soup kitchen? Yeah, some of the people who turn up for their free handout will be "second homeless".

>Read the source story

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29/12/2013

[Radio Minipodcast] 29th December 2013 - Look Back at 2013

Today's radio was all about the year we're just about to leave behind. Bye 2013, I've got a thing going on with 2014 and I don't need you any more. On the show we were talking about your fondest memories from this year and we had a review of the news from 2013 month by month. (Originally broadcast on Sunday 29th December 2013). Speaking of a review of the year, the SomeNews review podcast is out. Get it here.

I'll be back doing the show next Sunday from 7am till midday. For details on how to listen see this section.



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Magmatic Man Breaks Own Record

Fave headline of the day comes from the Telegraph website where I read...

"Magmatic Man Breaks Own Record"

And I thought, "Yeah, and I bet he's wiped a few of his cassettes too."

This so called 'magnetic' man from Georgia has the ability to stick spoons to himself - a skill that gets him in the Guinness Book of Records, but also gets him uninvited to any dinner party with expensive cutlery.

Back in December of 2011 he set a world record for having the most spoons stuck on the human body. Now he has just beaten it by having more spoons stuck to him. Most times when someone beats their own record it means they have worked even harder, got even fitter. For this guy it just means he has slightly more surface area on his body than he did in 2011. Don't we all dude, don't we all.

41-year-old Etibar Elchyev secured 53 metal spoons around his neck and chest. He doesn't plan to quit, in fact he said: "When the time comes I am going [to move] an airplane, then an empty train carriage, something like this."

He plans to put a train carriage on his chest? So, look forward to holding the title of "World's flattest, longest and widest chest" too.

>Read the source story

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27/12/2013

[Radio Minipodcast] 27th December 2013 - Thoughts Behind Gifts & The Sales

It was a day after Boxing Day radio show, ah, so festive. Here's the podcast version of that show (originally broadcast on Friday 27th December 2013). Sorry about the hiss and crackle, there were technical issues in the recording, but it just makes it sound like good old fashioned FM when you're driving away from the area. Enjoy.

I'll be back doing the show next Sunday from 7am till midday. For details on how to listen see this section.



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25/12/2013

Pine Pants - Pants Made From Pine

Remember, the important thing here is to pay attention to the news story and not ask why I was Google for the words French and knickers...

A company in France has started producing underwear made from pine trees. I bet they smell great but the splinters are a git.

The online ethical department store sells pants that are made from recycled pine tree prunings. They used to be the bits sticking out from a tree. And now they're the things holding in a bush. It's the circle of life.

I like the idea. It's eco-friendly, economically sound, and if you shit yourself more than twice in one day no one will be able to say, "Go steady. Pants don't grow on trees you know."

Other benefits include the fact that if you want to know what the weather is going to be like just check your knickers. If they're open it'll be rainy, or something.

But best of all, if someone asks you if you have wood in your pants... (Thank you very much. I'm here all week.)

>Read the source story

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23/12/2013

Sweet Message Gets Weird

A child got in the news for the content of the note she left to her mum. She wrote a message to her mum that starts all very sweet but by the end it gets a little Tarantino.

The note reads: "Thank you soooo much for being my mom. If I had a different mom I would punch her in the face and go find you."

I don't know why that is so newsworthy. We've all said things that start out cute and end up being a bit odd. We've all said, "I don't know what I'd do without you," which sounded lovely, till you added, "...no really, I wouldn't." And then you look at them with a slightly too serious face.

The phrase, "I want to have your babies," is often seen as a sign of deep love when a woman says it to a man. But if a man says it to a woman she'll never let him near her kids again.

"I want to make love to you all night," can't be a bad sentiment, right? Well, say it in one of those countries where it's dark for six months of the year and it could be a cause of death.

So I say we should cut this girl some slack.

And as it's nearly Christmas I'd just like to take this time to say thank you for visiting my website for the articles, videos and podcasts. You're great. Any if anyone else tried to read my site I'd ass-punch them and set fire to their nose hair.

>Read the source story

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22/12/2013

[Radio Minipodcast] 22nd December 2013 - Nigella & Winning Things

This week on the Sunday show we got festive with a one-off competition "All I Want For Christmas Is Who?", we talked about Nigella and #SCD's winner. And here's the podcast version of that show (originally broadcast on Sunday 22nd December 2013) have a listen below.

I'll be back doing the show next Sunday from 7am till midday. For details on how to listen see this section.



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18/12/2013

Dutch Prostitutes Want Footballers' Pensions

In prostitute news: Dutch prostitutes are trying to get the same pension rights as professional footballers.

It just goes to show, if you spend enough time with a profession you start to want the same working conditions that they have.

They say they want to enjoy the same retirement perks as professional footballers because they also do "difficult physical work" in the prime of their lives. Yeah, practising ball skills, going down in the box, working with 10 men... you see where I'm going with this.

A lawyer for the company that's taking up this case said: "Footballers and prostitutes both do a difficult physical job that they cannot do their whole life."

Hmm, he has a good point. In fact the footballers have it easier. When a prostitute reaches the end of her playing career she can't get a job as a pundit on the BBC passing comment on the current prostitutes, on a TV show called something like Snatch of the Day. A former prostitute would never get the job of endorsing a brand of crisps in a series of adverts, unless they did a cocaine flavour.

There's one thing that former footballers do to make money that former prostitutes should get in on. Around this time of year you can walk into a shop and see loads of new fragrances that certain sportsmen have released. Get in on that, prostitutes. Everyone loves that lemon scent.

>Read the source story

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17/12/2013

[Radio Minipodcast] 15th December 2013 - Clever Animals & Pride

This week on the Sunday show we talked about your talented and clever pets, the things you can be proud of and my gig on a boat. And here's the podcast version of that show (originally broadcast on Sunday 15th December 2013) have a listen below.

I'll be back doing the show next Sunday from 7am till midday. For details on how to listen see this section.



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Wish Joey Essex Was Here

Good news, TV fans. Joey Essex has got a travel show on television. This from a man who is so bad with locations he gets confused when filling in official forms between his location and surname.

Apparently he'll be touring Africa in a light-hearted show for ITV2. Africa is one of the places he will have heard of, although he'll spend most his time trying to find the factory that makes his deodorant.

Insiders say it's going to be like Sky1's An Idiot Abroad. I don't think it will. Not because I don't think he's an idiot, I'll be amazed is he can actually get abroad. I'm expecting a six part series where he tries to work out how to get on his flight at Gatwick.

Am I being too harsh? Well, while on I'm A Celebrity... Get Me Out of Here he said he cannot tell the time and also revealed he is unable to blow his nose because "I've never learnt how to do it." If you can't tell the time or find the nose on your face finding the correct gate at the right departure time is like quantum mechanics.

It said in The Star: "He will be departing ­Essex again in the New Year for the as yet unnamed show. But the ­opportunity has caused friction with producers on TOWIE."

I bet it does. It highlights the fact that there are other ways.

>Read the source story

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13/12/2013

Comedy Podcast 54 - Mandela's Signer, Obama's Selfie & Bad Laughs

SomeNews podcast

It's the SomeNews Podcast, episode 54.

In this podcast:

The Obama/Cameron Selfie (starts 00:54)
Mandela's Signer (starts 03:59)
Dangerous Laughter (starts 07:11)

The big news was all about Nelson Mandela's memorial, and we look at some of the side issues. And a worrying study finds that laughter may be bad for your health, but don't worry, you won't damage yourself listening to this.




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10/12/2013

[Radio Minipodcast] 10th December 2013 - Odd Sleeping Places & Cracker Jokes

Once more I stood in on a radio show and here is a little podcast of some of the bits. (This show was originally broadcast on Tuesday 10th December 2013.)

In this mini-podcast we talk about the strange places you may have fallen asleep and the jokes you get in crackers at Xmas.

I'll be back doing this show next Sunday from 7am till midday. For details on how to listen see this section.



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