Perrie Edwards Farts

Sometimes I worry about the role models our children have these days. They are often fame obsessed, shallow and fickle. Thankfully we didn't have people like that on TV when I was growing up. We had old men who worked hard to grant you a wish if you wrote them a letter.

And now Perrie Edwards from Little Mix has been talking to the press about her relationship with One Direction's Zayn Malik. Tut. Things like that should remain private. I'd expect better from a member of Pick n Mix.

She went on to say, "I fart in front of him!" I'm not sure if she means stood in front of him or if they take it in turns but she jumps the trump queue sometimes. Either way, it's not a nice mental image from a Weetabix singer.

I worry that this will make the young folk think that breaking wind in front of your partner is a good thing. It's not. As a youth myself I remember meeting someone and within the first 3 week of our relationship we thought it was so cute when we broke the fart barrier. But once you've breached it there's no going back. That person went on to be with me for 10 years and she easily out farted me 6-to-1. I couldn't keep up, she just farted way more than I could (and I tried, I tried). With a fart ratio like that it made my life hell. During that decade we were together I think I breathed in more fart than I let out.

So kids, don't rush into things, physical things, when it comes to relationships, because there may come a time when you wish you'd waited. And that, dear members of Pick Up Sticks, is how to be a good role model.

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