We had been previously told about social distancing, washing hands, not going out and self-isolating and it wasn't enough so Boris came into our homes. Thankfully via the TV because, as it turned out, he was infected with it.
He told us the four reasons you could leave you home but when greater detail was publish there are 12 reasons you can leave them home, so I thought we'd take a look.
1 - Shopping for basic necessities, for example food and medicine, which must be as infrequent as possible.
We haven't been given clarity on what counts as a necessity. If we use the same criteria as Waitrose's Essentials Range it includes things like lardons and ratatouille provencale. How frequently do we need those? I've made it to this age without buying them once yet, so the data is still pending.
2 - One form of exercise per day, for example a run, walk or cycle – alone or with members of your household.
Surely no one is doing that. If you're spending 23 and a half hours a day in the same house as someone and they say, "You going on a run? I'll come with you," they're trying to push you over the edge.
3 - Any medical need, including to donate blood.
Again, it could be a good way to get some time to yourself. You may not have been a blood donor before but if it gets you some alone time and biscuits it's like best day out available at the moment.
4 - To avoid or escape risk of injury or harm.
That one makes sense. It wasn't on the original list of four but if you were stood there as your house was falling down shouting, "No, I can't go out, I've already done one jog today," you'd be silly.
5 - To provide care or help to a vulnerable person.
I'd imagine that's not only for those who have to look after a relative. If you open your door, see someone has just been hit by a car, you don't point at the door frame and shrug your shoulders at them while mouthing the word, "Sorry!"
6 - Travelling for work purposes, but only where you cannot work from home.
Yes, there are some jobs that you can't do at home. People always list things like baristas, but I'm not sure about that one. Surely you could make a coffee at home. Come on, try harder.
7 - To move children under 18 between parents’ home if they do not live together.
The parents may have lived together at the start of this lockdown, but as time goes on there'll be an exponential graph somewhere that shows you how many break-ups there have been.
8 - Key workers and parents of vulnerable children can leave to take children to and from school or to their childcare provider.
Of course. That makes sense. When we heard the schools were shutting we knew they were still open for some children. How were they supposed to get there when the lockdown came in? Tunnel?
9 - To move house, but only if it’s unavoidable.
Oooh, loophole. If you want to go to see friends just buy their house off them. They can't touch you for it.
10 - To attend a funeral, but only when it’s a member of your household or a close family member. If the deceased doesn’t have any family attending, you can attend as a friend.
Also a possibly loophole but it would involve you killing someone off just to get to see then and maybe that would lead to an even bigger fine, I haven't looked into it.
11 - To attend critical public services – such as social services, support for victims, support provided by the Department for Work and Pensions.
That one feels very specific, almost like it was added by Thérèse Coffey in case she needs to pop out for some reason.
12 - To fulfil legal obligations when physical attendance is absolutely necessary.
So if you want more than one trip out a day, go and get yourself some community service.
And that's the full list that was published. After reading all that I think I'll stay in and have a nice sit down.
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